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My lesbian partner seems too close to my friends!

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 October 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 24 October 2018)
A female Philippines age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hello mates :) I've been in a relationship with a lesbian. We're bestfriends and turns into lovers. 2 months of love :) But mates, I start to wonder why she's way too close with my girl bestfriends and heck they look so sweet :( I'm pretty jealous but I kept it lowkey not wanting to let her think that I was controlling her. I mean, I.do trust my friends because we are all taken but why are they so close and sometimes I start to wonder if my partner likes my friemd :( But my friend told me that they're just that close. Am I supposed to get jealous or not? Because honestly, my lesbian partner is way too sweet with my friends but not to me? What should I do mates? I do need all your advice.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (24 October 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI am guessing you both mixed in the same friend group before becoming closer, in which case it is only natural your lover will stay close to her friends. If this is not the case, then perhaps you just both share similar taste in what you like in friends, hence she gets on well with your friends.

I think you are being a bit "frantic" about your relationship (guessing it is your first serous relationship?). You two have only been lovers for a short time. The start of a relationship should be fun and light, not all about jealousy and insecurity. Perhaps you two would be better going back to being friends?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (23 October 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntFirst of all, maybe this is just lost in translation, but you don't need to keep saying "lesbian". We know she's a girl and you're a girl, so we don't need to keep hearing lesbian, as it's no different than any other relationship.

No, you shouldn't be jealous. A small amount of jealousy every now and then is natural, but it's not okay if you are often jealous and can't control it. Is she supposed to ignore your friends or not have any female friends? No.

Two months isn't enough to love each other and this isn't how you behave when you're in love either. You have strong feelings, but it's not real love yet. That comes in time.

What do you mean she's too sweet with them but not with you? If she is nicer to friends than her partner, then that needs to be addressed. It doesn't mean she likes them as more than friends, but a relationship should be sweet and caring too.

That said, if she senses jealousy and controlling behaviour in you, it's not surprising she doesn't want to be close to you.

Back off about the friends and focus on your relationship with her. Communicate about what makes you feel loved and ask her what makes her feel loved. Do things you enjoy together (not sexual). Focus on building a relationship and getting rid of your jealousy.

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