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My LDR says he does not love me but has feelings for me. Is that enough and is it OK?

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 July 2012) 10 Answers - (Newest, 2 July 2012)
A female Ireland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi,

Do you think its OK that your LDR boyfriend whom you see every other week still doesn't love you but has feelings for you?

We met online and have been dating for 6 months?

I'm the longest girlfriend his ever had and his 28 years old. His introduced me to his family whom his very close too.

Thanks.

View related questions: met online

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (2 July 2012):

Abella agony aunti think it is good that you are choosing to work on this relationship at a pace that suits you and hopefully you and the guy are in sync for more happiness in the future.

Best Wishes

Abella

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I understand your concern. His very close to his family so I see him one day then he spends the next with his family. But I haven't yet gone to his, he invited me once but I couldn't make it and he did say I could go any time I wanted but I've just been shy in asking him.

I will try and make this work as he is special to me.

Thank you x x

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (2 July 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntDO I think it ok that your LDR boyfriend that you see every other week doesn’t love you? What do YOU think?

You’re LDR but close enough to see each other every other weekend… When we were 6 months into our LDR (and a 2 hour drive) we basically were doing 3 nights a week.. I’d drive up on Friday and leave on Monday mornings…

IF you are LDR and falling in love, then you will need to figure out the next step which is NOT being LDR… if he’s happy with seeing you one day every other weekend, then I fear you may be more into this relationship than he is.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Dear all,

Thank you that's some really good advice.

I will happily give it time,I guess I need to tell him how I feel and when I do see him make sure its longer than just 1 day out of tbe weekend.I don't truly love him either but I too have feelings that I would like to develop and the only way that can happen is if we spend more time together when we can.

X x x

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A female reader, Basschick Australia +, writes (2 July 2012):

Basschick agony auntI don't think the relationship will ever advance, nor will he ever fall in love with you as long as it remains LDR. It's that simple. If you want to know how he really feels figure out how the two of you can live in the same town/or same house and give it some time to develop into more. If he still doesn't fall in love with you it might be time to move on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012):

That all depends on whether it's okay and/or enough for you OP.

Personally 6 months is pretty long but you're in an LDR and the lack of regular physical closeness can take longer to develop feelings. Then again this could be as good as it gets for him, or he might be just being cautious seeing as you live so far away, or he could just be using you for a casual thing with no intentions of getting into something serious involving the love word.

I don't think any of us can really guess to be honest.

The best way always is to go with your gut and to think of what you want and what's enough for you. if you're madly in love with this guy and he's not then that's a bit of a problem. That means you may be in a relationship where you don't feel the same about each other and there's no guarantee you ever will.

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (1 July 2012):

Abella agony auntFeelings can develop into love.

I think he is being Honest with you. His feelings have not yet morphed into love.

He is not telling you lies, like some guys do, and making out he loves you.

He is instead being utterly honest with you and telling you he has feelings for you.

If you are truly interested in him then that may have to be enough for now. But with am expectation that he will Sort himself out and work out which direction he will be going in the next twelve months.

Either he will end up as a Long Term Friend who really cares about you as a friend.

Or he will start to feel more than what he feels now, and let you know when his feelings have deepened. His Honesty is refeshing. Sometimes Patience is required for Love to Blossom

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (1 July 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntIt depends if it is ok with you. On one hand I think that it might be too early for someone in a LDR to proclaim love for someone else. Six months living apart and only seeing one another every other week, you are missing out on a lot of time together that could be spent building a relationship. On the other hand, you may feel like you are very close to him and he doesn't feel the same way about you. It really depends on your situation, how you feel, and what you want. If you are interested in a long-term relationship, but you're not sure this man is it, you might want to re-evaluate the situation. I agree with Chickpea though, if you like this man, and you feel the relationship is getting stronger and you are close, this is fine. Just keep building the relationship and enjoy it.

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A male reader, Nehemie Mb India +, writes (1 July 2012):

Well, it's a bit complicated with guys. We have troubles with saying the right thing, and how to proceed when it comes to expressing feelings. Even for a relatively long period of time of being in a relationship, guys' feelings take a longer time to fully bloom.

To say he doesn't love you is one thing, but on the other hand, to say he has feelings for you but doesn't know what it is yet is totally understandable in my opinion. If you suspect him on cheating, that introduces a new variable that makes the whole matter different. But if you're just worried he doesn't love you, I'll say give time for his feelings to build up. Be there for him, DON'T put pressure on him on that subject. I'm sure the more experiences you guys have, the tighter your relationship will get, and ultimately, the stronger his feelings for you will grow. Just be patient and wait it out a little. I'm sure he'll come around.

And oh, guys don't introduce just any girl to their family! If he did, you must be very special to him. Just remember that. Cheers!!!

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A female reader, chickpea2011 United States +, writes (1 July 2012):

chickpea2011 agony auntHi,

Yes, it's possible that he's not in love with you after 6 mos. I understand that you are his first long term girlfriend, but LDR are difficult. You see each other every other week, but for you to develop deep feelings, the two of you need to spend more time together, or if not just get to know each other better. At least, he's honest with you. Don't be sad, it has been only 6 mos, it's better when the relationship develop gradually and naturally, instead of barely knowing each other and acting up they are in love. Shows your boyfriend is honest, have character, and he takes relationships seriously. In the future, you should never believe in guys that are all over you, using the term I love you losely. It's very easy to say those words, but who knows if it's true, right?

Enjoy your relationship, get to know each other better, when you meet make the best of it, appreciate every second, and only time can tell where this LDR will lead to....

Good luck!

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