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My landlord wants to date me and is buying and fixing things in the apartment. It's scaring me, what do I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 July 2013) 10 Answers - (Newest, 26 July 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, *enn_jenn writes:

Hi everyone, I've recently moved to a new city. I was pretty upset the first time I met my landlord, as my flatmates decided that me being the new girl, they could play a cruel trick.

So he helped me out and sorted the situation. Complimented me in the process 'you're a pretty girl, I can't stand to see you upset'.

I didn't think much of it to be honest. We are the same age. One evening my lock broke and we chatted while waiting for the locksmith to arrive. He then text me later and asked me out for dinner. I haven't replied yet. The thing is I did like him too but being my landlord, I didn't want to make the situation awkward.

So anyway he then started buying new appliance's around the house, started giving me special treatment, as in any house discussions are based around when I am free.

He's out fixing the yard one day and another he text's me to make sure I'm settling in well.

All this in less than two weeks.

I'm freaking out...

View related questions: flatmate, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013):

Watch the video - honey bee by Blake shelton. The boy likes you & he's going nutty to please you or get to see you.

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A female reader, jenn_jenn United Kingdom +, writes (25 July 2013):

jenn_jenn is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Cool, thanks for your answers. I guess I'm just freaking out because the attention is too much. Especially in such a short space of time. The flatmates have said he never usually does thing's like buy new appliance's and fix the garden etc until I came to live there.

And I know the landlord is meant to make sure the house is livable but I don't like anyone buying my affection. I partly believe that's what's going on.

I have told him to back of a little bit but he doesn't understand what is wrong.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013):

You state that you like him. So what is the problem here? He's trying his best to please you, obviously likes you... You can't help when love enters your life. It might not even be ideal circumstances, however you are not a spring chicken. Sometimes things happen when we least expect it. Keep an open mind and don't freak out. A boy actually really likes you!

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (24 July 2013):

Caring Aunty A agony auntBe professional about this; don’t mix business with pleasure! You’re already seeing how this makes you uneasy and awkward. Do you think you’re the first ‘pretty girl’ he’s ever paid attention to and asked out?

He knows you’re vulnerable in a new city and available. He’s working on your weaknesses, enticing you with, buying new appliances, being helpful and giving you special treatment… WHY IS THAT? No Landlord goes out of their way like this to have their tenants that happy. It’s obvious he wants more than rent from you!?

Unless you want to complicate your tenancy, I would politely decline all his attentions and invitations.

Take Care – CAA

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2013):

I think the previous two responses are good. My only input on them is be careful lying to your landlord. If he lives around you, it won't take him long to figure out that you're not really dating someone and he might be mortified that you felt the need to lie to him.

You said you liked him too but then you said you're freaking out. Is it because you think he's coming on too strong now and invading your privacy? If so, start inviting over a friend or coworker when he fixes things and learn to fix a few things around the house yourself. Most things can be repaired with just a few simple instructions from google.

Here's what I would do: Text him back, apologize for the lapse in a response. Tell him you would have accepted the invitation but you think it would be too complicated since he's your landlord. Thank him for the compliment but tell him it's just not something you're interested in pursuing right now. Immediately start looking for a new place. Check craigslist, the newspaper, online. Find somewhere else. If you're genuinely uncomfortable, you'll never feel settled. You shouldn't feel scared in your own home.

On the other hand, he may just be trying to fix a few things since you're a pleasant tenant and he wants you to stay. If you're not that freaked out, he may settle down when he realizes it's not going anywhere and you've turned him down. Most landlord I know try to schedule visits for when a tenant is home so that they're not in an empty house on a routine basis that is rented to another person.

I would say a lot of it depends on his proximity to your house. If he lives in the same unit, it may be a little freaky.

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A female reader, Full moon temptress1 United Kingdom +, writes (24 July 2013):

What is your gut feeling? Is there chemistry between you?Personally i dont see a problem if you like him enough.Go out get to know him.However make sure you pay your share of the bill on the date. Let him know your resavations.

Good luck.

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A female reader, theres_always_a_loophole United States +, writes (24 July 2013):

theres_always_a_loophole agony auntCompliment him, flatter him even, but in the end tell him you feel it's inappropriate to get involved since he's your landlord. He should understand. After all, if you got together and then broke up, think of how much more awkward it would be than it is now. Hopefully he'll think of that too. So he shouldn't fault you for your decision.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (24 July 2013):

eyeswideopen agony auntDating your landlord is a lot like dating someone you work with, it can be devastating if the relationship turns sour. Be careful.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 July 2013):

olderthandirt agony auntWhy/ The problem is what, you don't want stuff fixed? You're afraid he might want you to "put out" There's no real problem yet except he's flirting.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (24 July 2013):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntYes I agree. Thats good you question. Decline his invite but politely in fact tell him you cant make it coz your bf is taking you out. Pretend. Make something up so he leaves you be. This is passive I kno but he is your landlord. Being up front about something personal could affect the way he treats you.

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