A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My in-laws have been contacting an ex-girlfriend of my husbands. This women and I do not get along at all. She says that her child is my husbands this he says he is unsure of. DNA testing isin the works. It makes me upset that they are contacting this women before they know for sure whether or not this is his child. Am I wrong for feeling betrayed? When my husband and I seperated they never contacted me to see my son! I am so mad I am thinking of never speaking to them again. Ever. It even makes me mad at my husband because he thinks that I am overreactting. Am I??? Pls Help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank both of you for your answer. I knew that I wasn't overreactting! I just want to clear up one thing. This other child was concieved during a break-up with my husband who was then my boyfriend. We reconciled and got married shortly after. This child is 2 almost 3 and my husband and I have been married a little over a year. I am working on how I am going to handle this situation if this child is my husbands and for them to show favoritism doesn't help at all. I am almost at the point where I want a divorce. I have one child with my husband I feel like my child and I are being dealt a very bad hand. I love my husband but this is eating me up inside. i can not stand the sight of his parents, sister or any one else related to him. Sad but true. They babysit for this other women, and call and check on the child. There have been times when months have gone by and they haven't mad any attempt to contact my son. That really hurts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): Correction..I made an assumption that this ex gf was 'pregnant' with a child but after re-reading your posting, I am now understanding that this ex gf has a child, from a former relationship, with your husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): Let's see if I have this right. Your in-laws are contacting your husband's ex gf because she is pregnant with his child. DNA tests are still pending. You are hurt because these in-laws do not contact you or their grandson. Your husband whom you are separated from, says you are over-reacting. If I got this right, then I have to say, how utterly sad for your child. As a mother myself, I can understand your pain at your in-law’s indifference to your child.
There is no reason for the grandparents not to contact your son..plain and simple. No matter how unerved they may be by what has occurred with you and your husband, the child should not be overlooked. Sadly, in your case, although your son is blood related to these in laws--bloodline does not denote 'character and value' in some families. There is only value when there is love, generosity and sharing. What your in-laws are doing is cruel to your son, especially if they are aren't visiting or sharing their life with him. We know your in-laws are likely people who cannot give you what you want but they should see your son, in spite of the separation. You do know, hun--no amount of encouragement or threats is going to change this situation. You cannot make, cajole, force or pressure your in-laws to love or treat your son equally as they are with this other 'grandchild(?). Frankly, they sound like both of them are dry wells. For you to to sit by and expect the love to flow from them from them is futile. You are banging your head against a wall; it hurts you and I am sorry. You are not going to get your way.
So dear, If I were you...I would pull back and realize the only way this issue will be resolved is for your husband to get some balls and negotiate a position on behalf of his son to these grandparents, and letting them know how their actions are hurting this child. As for any generosity or love to be bestowed on you, that may not happen. This is the way of families when many marriages split up. As for the ex gf and her child, there is nothing that can be done. You cannot tell your inlaws whom they can or cannot associate with. Let it go and accept it. Acceptance is a hard but worthwhile character trait to cultivate for these times. I do wish you well, dear and take care of that precious child of yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): I am not surprised you are angry you have every right - trouble is your anger will not change the situation. You should however make your feelings very clear to your parents in law. They should absolutely not go jumping in this early - there is too much at stake. I never cease to be amazed at the disloyalty parents in law can display to their son or daughters partner/spouse. They trample over everyones feelings in their bid to do whatever they like. Can I suggest you get someone to mediate or support you all through this situation - as the result affects everyone? I am from the UK so don't know if you can obtain this support where you are.
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