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My husband's brother is behaving towards me in ways that make me feel uncomfortable. Is my brother in law trying to tell me something ? What should I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Crushes, Family, Flirting, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 January 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I need some advice regarding my husband's brother.

We haven't always got on so well because I found him a bit intimidating. He's 12 years older than me and he used to behave a bit strange with me for example:

He always accused me of flirting with one of his other brothers even though I never have

Once we were talking and after I finished my part he just stood there staring at me in the eyes silent. I said it again and still nothing. I said what? Nope nothing. I found this awkward so I walked off

And there were several times I caught him looking at me

This made me think he didn't like me so I just kept my distance but now we talk more and get on fine but I'm starting to wonder if he likes me more than he should do

I still catch him looking at me but he always looks away before our eyes meet

But one time I caught him and our eyes met and he turned away with a smile on his face

He says my name a lot

He always looks happy to see me

He looks subdued when I speak to his brother he used to accuse me of flirting with

Every time he passes me something he lingers his fingers on mine (literally every time)

He never used to sit next to me but always where he could see me but has started to sit next to me now.

When he sat next to me he had his knee resting against mine and then put his arm on my leg as he reached over to get something off the table (never before has he sat anywhere near close enough to do this )

When we were walking he came up really close to me and had our arms bumping into each other for about a minute

When I walk past him he always has his eyes on mine

Is he trying to tell me something?

View related questions: flirt

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A female reader, cassedenn United States +, writes (24 January 2017):

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (24 January 2017):

chigirl agony auntUgh, what a disturbing man. Yes, this sounds exactly like some immature and brutish man who fancies you, yet doesn't have the tact, the education or intellect to know what to do. So he acts like a 5-year old instead by ignoring what you say, accusing you of flirting with someone else/being a cheat, and then now he is trying to steal touches of you. Yuck!

I'd stay well clear of this man and if he sits next to you just get up and move away. Tell him point blank you're not interested in him or him touching you. If he leaves his fingers on you, slap them off. Tell your husband what his brother is doing.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2017):

Have you asked this question before? I agree with male anon. Do NOT have one on one interaction with him EVER. He's up to no good.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (22 January 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI have to ask the question: when he makes physical contact with you (like having his knee touching yours or your arms bumping when you are walking), are you not able to move slightly to end this contact?

He could see your failure to do this as a sign of encouragement. Next time he does something like this, instead of just allowing it to continue. move slightly to show you are not comfortable.

The staring and not speaking did make me wonder if he could have some behavioural issues. Regardless of that, you need to discourage him from growing close to you otherwise, at some point, he could accuse you of leading him on. Think of the rift that will cause in the family.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (22 January 2017):

Ivyblue agony auntHe either likes you enough to try steal you away from his brother or dislikes you enough to go out of his way to make you feel intimidated and uncomfortable. Either way you need to protect yourself and marriage from this sleaze of a man. Like male anonymous said, keeping everything above board and out in the open will be your best defence. Maybe even go as far as mentioning to your hubby that your not sure but you think he may have a bit of a crush on you. Ask him to keep it in confidence. You don't have to go into great detail however mentioning that it does make you feel a bit uneasy is important. If he decides to mention something to his brother ok, if not at least, hopefully, he will appreciate your open and honest concern with him. and in the event the brother accuses you of doing wrong you would at least negate that as being truth by coming to your hubby prior. Good luck with it

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017):

what a creep and what a disloyal brother.

Of course this underhand sleaze is flirting with you and trying to cause you to break up with his brother. If you try to be discreet about this then this sleazy brother will no doubt claim that YOU were the one who came on to him.

Make sure that you are NEVER ALONE with this brother.

Make sure that you sit where he cannot sit next to you.

Do NOT accept any offers of help from him.

If your husband is not at home then do NOT invite him into your home. (he will know when your husband is not there)

If he phones then be brisk with him and say, "I'll get ...(your husband) and leave the phone sitting until your husband can deal with it.

Or if your husband is away then say that you will let your husband know he called and that you are busy and cannot talk.

Put the phone on speaker phone when he calls your home, so that you know what he is trying to say, to undermine you, when he is speaking to your husband.

Try to minimize all contact with this nasty man. a good brother never goes after his brother's wife.

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