A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband's brother has a super weird obsession with me and tries to sabotage my relationship with his little brother!! Has anyone experienced this? What can I do to get him to back off? The worst of it is that he has stolen my husband's username online, which is pretty unique to my husband and the only name he has used for the past 30 years, and pretended to be him on pornsites to-I guess-make me mad and break up with him. My husband previously confided to his brother that I am a little snoopy. We know it is him though because he has a particular taste in girls, and so does my hubby, but these public porn profiles are his brother's taste in girls. Also my husband has been home and not on any devices when stuff is posted. It is really dumb! This brother has also, on multiple occasions, advised my boyfriend one way and me the other, I think to make us fight and break up. For instance, we were remodeling a bathroom in a rental house, and on separate phone calls, he advised my husband to do it as cheaply as possible, then advised me to do it right and make it last. The brother knows I have more of an interest in construction and remodeling than my husband and this would be a contentious subject for us. The older brother also perv stares at me all the time and makes comments about how things that are issues in my relationship with his brother would not be issues if I was in a relationship with him. I really don't encourage this crap but my husband, as the little brother, does not want to directly confront his older brother. He continues to be nice to him. In his family in general they do not talk about issues or rock the boat, instead ignoring the obvious problems in the room. I have tried to talk to the older brother as little as possible after we sussed this stuff out, but they are close and he seems to be ramping this stuff up lately. I love my husband and I don't want to leave him or see this cause an explosion. Any advice would be appreciated!
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (28 November 2017):
If Your husband isn’t man enough to stand up to his older brother I don’t see that your marriage has much hope.
But here is the first thing you need to do. STOP GOING TO THIS POS FOR ANY ADVICE!
But your husband seems to be more interested in keeping the peace with his family then in protecting his marriage. You have my sympathy.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 November 2017):
 Is he your BF or your husband?
To quote you:
" I really don't encourage this crap but my husband, as the little brother, does not want to directly confront his older brother."
"This brother has also, on multiple occasions, advised my boyfriend one way and me the other,"
So which is it? BF or husband?
My advice? CUT him off. Your HUSBAND (or BF) doesn't have to but YOU can. You don't HAVE to call and ask his advice on things. You don't even have to TALK to him unless it's a social family gathering.
You do need to talk strategy with your husband. He needs to stop sticking his head in the sand. While I say I don't think HE has to IGNORE this brother you two DO need to show a united front. So your husband (or BF) can agree on a few things - such as YOUR husband (or BF) can and SHOULD tell his brother that YOU are not up for discussion. So if the older brother wants to talk smack about you or make you an issue - HE (your husband/BF) needs to shut it down ASAP - change subject EVERY time.
So what is this really about?
Is the brother trying to break you up because he doesn't think you are "worthy" of his little brother? Or has your husband/BF at some point told HIM about issues you two have and the brother has since felt protective of his little brother?
I think trying to figure out WHY this is going on is another vital part of this drama.
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