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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I would like if anybody who has some good points would give me a few min.What should I do with this totally awkward\ situation? My husband lost interest in sex, and literally ,he won't even touch me, yet, he says ,he loves me , wants to spend his life with me. He has totally no explanation, what happened to him.He is not sick, medically completely all right.He says its not that he fall out of love, but he thinks I should understand him. I'm naked and he wont look or touch. I'm attractive, not over confidence just a fact. People always thinks, I look 15 years younger,than my age...So it can't be the look. He have seen so many specialists, they don't know what is wrong. Viagra, won't work for him, as he has no desire.So ,what should I do? Should I risk to stay with him, and just go on in a sexless marriage? Is it too risky, because he might find someone else one day, after years of no sex ,who will light his fire, and dumps me old and broken?How should I trust him that he doesn't know what is wrong?And is it possible to live like this as a couple?Any suggestion would help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): I don't really have any advice. But I can tell you that you are not alone. I have been dating a guy for a year and a half off and on. The relationship began by him coming on to me sexually. Actually that's all he wanted in the beginning. He was in a bad marriage and he would constantly call and talk dirty to me. After a long time I finally caved and I engaged in sexual activity with him. I know it was wrong but I fell in love with him. As soon as he ended his marriage he no longer wanted to have sex with me. He says he loves me and I really believe he does. But we are basically friends. I have lost my self confidence, I feel ugly and definetely don't feel sexy. I believe he is a good man but I don't know how to continue in a relationship like this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): I'm very sorry, I think he might have a secret....You need to find out what it is...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): Depression is an other chance..... Guys don't like to talk about it, so its not easy, but he needs to see a psychiatrist ,if his health is ok.
It is not normal for a man in his age...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): Maybe he is gay. You should start thinking of this. Because if you are attractive, as you said, and you went to therapist, and his hormons were ok, Than you have no other choice than to think about gayness, Gay man don't feel a thing ,when looks at a woman. I know it happened to me. I was in my forties ,when gayness attacked me on the plot. It is not very common, but some man, only turns gay later. And it is very sad for you. Maybe he should try it with a man and see what happens. But remember, man don't just lose sex drive for no reason, This is important for you to remember...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): i think it is almost impossible to go on without intimacy ,because it turns to be a
a different form of relations =ship.
roomies, or friends, and its ok, if it is ok with you..
But please don't full yourself. Make sure it is ok, because you will regret it very much, I know
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): My husband has been diagnosed with low testosterone levels. I thought this would be the answer to our limited sexual intimacy that has worsened over the 30 years of our marriage. Well, he used the cream prescribed for him for a month and had his levels retested. The doc increased the dosage to 2xs daily because the levels hadn't changed. He had complained while using the cream once a day about how sticky and uncomfortable it made him feel-he now refuses to use it at all.I love him and know he loves me, which is wonderful, but frankly the lack of sexual intimacy is difficult for me. I struggle with my desire with no where to go with it, and though like you I believe I am attractive, I often have to remind myself of that because part of me still wonders why my husband doesn't seem interested in making love with me.Not only am I lonely, but I also feel isolated. My female friends complain about their husbands wanting sex more often than they are interested. I smile and wonder if I'm the only woman who has the opposite problem. There have been many nights I've cried myself to sleep. I know this won't make your situation any different than it is, but perhpas it helps to know you aren't alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): I would really have to say that I understand where you are coming from. I have been married for 2 years and the whole 2 years I have been married my husband has only had sex with me twice. I am confused because I know that marriage is not based on sex, but I feel that sex is a part of a marriage. I had known him for some time and he was a really good friend to me. I mean all the things he use to do for me before we got married he doesn't do anymore. So, at one point I started to question myself. What was it that I was doing wrong to make him not want to be with me that way. I came to the answer that I am not the problem. I asked my bestfriend, who is a guy, what would be the reason for it and he said he may be gay. He said it is not normal for a man to have access to a fine woman and not satisfy his own sexual needs. Well, I thought about that. I wondered if he only married me because it was better to marry a woman in his situation. I am miserable because I am only 27 with no kids. I mean what do I do? I have come to the conclusion to pray because I know that God has to have a reason for all of this and why it is happening in my life right now. So my husband and I are scheduled to talk tonight so whatever comes to my mind I have to tell him. I know marriage is sacred, but we as women and men both deserve to be happy with or without that signifcant other.
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female
reader, bigErin  +, writes (22 August 2009):
I am in a situation and feel stuck. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years we have 2 kids and yes I said boyfriend. He won't comit. He definatly won't touch me or kiss me. Or anything. Tonight he is on the couccouch. I feel so alone and drained I am 25 years old and have a healthy sex drive. Only to be put down, regected and neglected. I know I am decent looking at a healthy weight but to him its never good enough. I have starved myself to were I was 109 lbs colored my hair witened my teeth, wore the good bra expencive perfume and face full of make up. My boyfriend is 32 and I have been deeling with this issue with him for about 2 and a half years. I wanna leave or cheat I am literally at that point. I think he intentionally starts fights with me so he doesn't have to sleep in the same room. I can't take it please help me I am tired of this shit. I need some affection from the man I love!!!
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male
reader, troubledtoomuch + ♥, writes (22 July 2009):
 I know that this is an old question, but I thought I would answer in the hopes of helping someone in this position who reads this. The answer is not to go out and cheat or to leave someone with a medical problem and find someone else.
There is a medical condition that causes these symptoms. It is called a hormone imbalance. It can also affect women, but it has more of an affect on men because their libido is much more hormone driven. The main thing that causes this in men is either low testosterone or high estrogen (primarily estradiol) or both together. There are several health discussion boards that have many questions relating to this. It can happen to men who are in their 20s and 30s or it might not be a problem for men who are in their 70s or 80s. Most doctors also know little about it or how to treat it.
The symptoms of low testosterone in men are ED, loss of libido, loss of strength, fatigue and depression. It can also cause the hidden symptom of male osteoporosis. The depression is many times the worst symptom. This is what many times causes the famous "mid life crisis". High estradiol will also cause some of these symptoms, especially ED and loss of libido. The trick is to find a doctor who even knows what to look for or how to treat it. Even some doctors who do test a man for hormones don't know how to evaluate the results. If a guy has a testosterone level in the lab normal range then they say that he is fine. The problem is that the lab normal range is what 95% of men between the ages of 18 and 90 fall into. While a low lab normal level might be fine for a 90 year old man, it is not good at all for a 45 year old man. Some doctors don't understand this.
It has been estimated that up to 30% of all men over 50 have such an imbalance. It happened to me at the age of 62 and loss of strength, slight ED and depression were the first signs. I searched the internet for all of my symptoms and then discussed them with my doctor and he agreed that low testosterone is what it sounded like. He had me tested (blood test) and found that it was low, even though it was in the "normal" range of 250 to 1100. I was at 304 and he said that I should be at least 500 in my 60s. I have been treated for over a year now and we have things almost back to normal. the first medication didn't work, but the second one is working great. My testosterone is up to the 600 to 800 range and I am almost back to normal. My estradiol is a little too high and we are working at trying to get it lower. It is a complex issue and needs a doctor who understands it and a patient who is willing to investigate it thoroughly to assist the doctor.
Men who have this condition are not likely to be having an affair, as they are not thinking about sex. They probably do still love their wives, but have no desire for sex or affection and just want to be alone to brood. That is likely why they end up in a different bedroom. Fortunately, I researched and found the problem before I got to that point. I still wanted affection and sex, but I had no real desire for sex. My desire was from my top head and not the one between my legs. That one has now perked up again with my hormones more balanced.
For a woman to leave a man with these symptoms is like a man leaving a woman because she has cancer and can't have sex. They are both medical problems and need an understanding partner to help them. My wife and I have both gone through medical problems in the past 2 years and both of us have been there for the other.
Viagra won't help, as it only works to have an erection if the man has a desire for sex. Too many times a doctor will look at the symptoms of a hormone imbalance and just give the guy Viagra and Prozac. I was fortunate and have a good doctor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): I am in a similar situation as you, the only difference is my husband has a lot of medical prolems. Its been over 4 yrs since we had sex and we wont be able to do it again. He has now moved in to his own bedroom which is hurtful, he still loves me and wants me to stay with him. However I am still young and actractive and want sex. I have met a man in a similar situation as myself and we are now having an affair, not a sordid thing, we are best friends as well and will always be. We aren't hurting anyone, our partners dont know, we just help each other make this old life a bit more bearable, so I think if a husband refuses or cant have sex, the answer is go and find another man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008):
if he really needs viagra have him take it.
and if he dosent want sex.take charge just grab his member and give him a BlowJob and hopefully he gets hard and if he gets hard just start to have sex with him...
that may work
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): I am responding, not because I have advice, but because I am in a similar position. I am 39 and still attractive and most of the time my husband has little interest in sex. It used to really bother me but when I realized that nothing I did would change it (trying to talk, initiate, complain) I gave up. I just realized that I wasn't going to get what I needed from him. Most of the time, I just give it to myself and day dream about someone else (an unspecific person). If we didn't have an 18 month old son, I am not sure if I would stay in this situation. I am not sure what will happen in the long run since I believe I deserve to get the love I am willing to give. Good luck to you.
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reader, luvy duvy +, writes (30 November 2008):
 Okay...I'm thinking that it's not you...maybe he is depressed, (I'm sorry to say this) but maybe he cheated and it is messing with him emotionally causing the depression, he may think he isn't good in bed...
ROMANTIC WEEKEND
I think you should set up a weekend just for the two of you. Go to a nice hotel and set everthing with a very romantic and relaxed feel, with candles and dimmed lights,(or you can do it at home) have a very nice meal that leads to the bedroom...let him lay down on his stomach and you give him a nice massage and talk to him about why he's so tense and about what you to are going to doa(to get him relaxed and in the mood) kiss him on his neck, roll him over so he can return the favor, and soon the kissing will turn into exactly what you want...and two days of it
If he still doesn't go for it...just talk to him about it...and if he still doesn't go for it...it's possible to live a life with no sex, it just wont be as fulfilled as you would like.
(LOL) DON'T RAPE YOUR HUSBAND!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): I feel for you. This must be a very difficult situation and can be very frustrating. If there is no medical reason for his lack of libido it could possibly be psychological and I suggest he will need professional help to get to the root of the problem. I don't even want to start speculating on the various options, but if he wants to save his marriage, you should give him no alternative but to seek help from a counselor.
It will not be fair on you to be in a marriage without sex. You need to talk to him and explain your needs and feelings to him. Yes, it might be difficult but not as difficult as to justify an affair or fling at a later stage.
Honesty and good communication is very important.
Once again, he needs professional help to establish the root of the problem. Insist on it, don't give him any options, for the sake of your marriage I do suggest counseling for him and then for both.
Good luck.
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