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My husband wants a three-some. Is that normal?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Love stories, Marriage problems, Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 June 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 18 June 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My husband of 15 yrs and I always had great sex. Two years ago he made a statement that upset me. He said he wanted to have another woman join us because he has been with the same girl for 13 years. He says he loves me and just wants to add ecitement to our sex life. Is this normal for a husband to request this?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010):

DON'T DO IT! IT WILL CREATE ALL SORTS OF JEALOUSY ISSUES! DON'T DO IT, TRUST ME!!!

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A female reader, person12345 United States + , writes (15 June 2010):

person12345 agony auntBirdy, yes. Hahaha. And I agree with raiders (as usual). Say sure, you'd be happy to bring in your male friend. If that doesn't make him almost as excited as bringing in a woman he just wants the OK to cheat. Otherwise it sounds like basically he's just asking your permission to sleep with someone else. Normally I'd say it's a totally typical male fantasy, but the fact that he qualified it by saying he's tired of having sex with the same woman for 13 years is just him asking permission to cheat. There are lots of other ways to spice up your sex life and this clearly makes you uncomfortable and hurt. Good luck!

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A female reader, Lola1 Canada +, writes (15 June 2010):

Lola1 agony auntlol @ birdynumnums! Great point.

I would not be concerned by his question. Its not every man's fantasy, but it certainly is one many of them share. The fact that he feels safe enough to discuss it with you is actually a good thing.

I would be more concerned if he reacted poorly to your refusal to participate or failed to discuss "guidelines" for protecting your primary relationship. For example, if you said "Nope, doesn't do anything for me," and he tried to push you into it anyway.

Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010):

It's just a curiosity thing. It has nothing to do with him loving you or not. I went through the same thing. I got married at 19 and my wife was 17. 20 years later I found myself curious because I never had an adult single life. My wife and I found a suitable friend of hers and .... Well... Curiousity cured. It was a one time thing and I never asked to do it again. To be honest sex without the passion sucked.

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A female reader, angelpie United Kingdom +, writes (15 June 2010):

he said it 2 years ago and its still on your mind, i think its time for a good old chat with your husband. i think he needs to know how you are feeling and hopefully he will reasure you.

i wouldnt say its normal. my dad has had 2 relationships longer than 13 years and he still says that if a guy really is into a woman he wouldnt be looking anywhere else. maybe hes just old fashioned.

it wasnt very nice of him to say that, a kinder man would say something like " i wanna spice things up a little" or buy you some sexy lingerie, he would take the opportunity to make you feel special. if you love you man enough give him some guidance and show him spicing things up dosent have to involve a third person.

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A female reader, raiders United States +, writes (15 June 2010):

raiders agony auntMany men fantasize about having a threesome but there is a difference between fantasy and real life. The way he told you was degrading and if he is tired of the sex life you guys have than I'm sure he will have no problem in it being MMF ask him and check out his reaction. If he feels belittle by you asking this than remind him this was exactly how you felt when he asked you.

Now if your asking and you find yourself interesting than go for it, but let it be someone you choose do not let it be his choice. Good luck in whatever you choose.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010):

I don't think it's bad although I can see why your worried, also if the idea doesn't appeal to you you might be worried but if it doesn't I'd just enjoy it!!

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (15 June 2010):

birdynumnums agony auntSure.

Tell him that your friend, Jack, would be happy to oblige.

Funny how they stop asking for a three way when it's "Ladies Choice"... LOL!

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