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My husband wakes me up every night at 2am... touching me! Why?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 November 2007) 11 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2007)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

This is sort of an odd thing, but here goes. Every night almost, I am waken up by my husband rubbing my citoris with his fingers. This usually happens at around 2-3 a.m. We have a 6 month old baby and I am 5 months pregnant. Well, he only gets like 6 hours of sleep a night and that is if he sleeps through and doesn't wake up to do this to me. I will actually sleep through it for some time, and have a dream that someone or something is on me and I cant get it off! He will keep doing this until I respond, which could be a very long time if I am trying to just ignore it so I can go back to sleep. He won't do anything else, or say anything to me at all, he just waits for me to respond, and keeps rubbing. It is kind of funny b/c he's been doing it for quite a while and I am not really that annoyed by it, I am more concerned that he's not getting the sleep he needs to get up at 5:30 for work. We could even have sex before he falls asleep, then a couple hours later, he's at it. I asked him if he was having sex dreams then waking up to get laid, and he said that he does not remember any of his dreams. He has a pretty high sex drive b/c he wants to have sex every night..I on the other hand could take it or leave it. Is this odd behavior? Any ideas as to why he takes this approach instead of trying something else?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007):

my boyfriend does the same thing, only it drives me crazy! i have to wake up earlier than he does, so when he wakes me up in the middle of the night to have sex, i get annoyed and just want to go back to sleep. i understand that he loves me and this is how he shows it, but at the same time i feel like a toy that he likes to grab at whenever he wants, regardless of how i feel about it.

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A female reader, desirewhitefire Austria +, writes (4 November 2007):

desirewhitefire agony auntHa, I use to wake up to my boyfriend rubbing the insides of my thighs. If I gave even the smallest hint that I was awake, he was right on top of me, pulling my clothes off. Sometimes I would fall back asleep while he was going at it. He would do that for a few days straight, and then leave me alone for a week or two.

I guess it's normal; he's the only one I've been with that does it, but lots of other women on here have said it's happened to them, too. Oh well, if he's not tired in the morning, then I would just let him have his fun.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007):

My husband does the same exact thing. LOL. Maybe they are related. It made me very uncomfortable at first, but after awhile I started looking forward to it. He would be sound asleep and his hands would be in the same spot every night, and if I move them five minutes later he would put them right back. Its good to hear I am not alone. LOL.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007):

You lucky sod!!! where do you get blokes like this from? I'm off to that shop now!

Seriously, he just wants to be with you totally. I think he loves you so deeply he wants to show you. Make the most of it. Give him loads of hugs and cuddles back.

take care

xx

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A male reader, Asexy United States +, writes (2 November 2007):

Asexy agony auntYeah. That happens. Find out if he's awake when he does it. If so, ignoring it won't help. He'll just keep trying until your body reacts. If you don't want it, tell him no, you're tired, and he needs to respect that. Keep being more forceful in your rejections, and believe me he'll stop. Worked with me, lol. (He'll be grumpy about it if you're not nice about it, though.)

If he's still asleep (happened to me that way too, lol) the reaction is different. My wife just waked me up and said, loudly, "if you're going to come onto me, AT LEAST have the decency to WAKE UP for it! I'm not going to be the only one losing sleep, here." We had a good laugh, and I managed to not come onto her in my sleep again, lol.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007):

Yeah I think that's pretty 'normal'. My partner told me before that when she woke up in the morning, she would almost always find my hand on one of her breasts, or sometimes she'll wake up in the middle of the night to find me squeezing her ass. She has a really fine ass... [dreamy expression]

Ah well. ^_^

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007):

He probably just wants to have sex.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007):

Maybe he is having weird sex dreams and doesn't know how to tell you. Are maybe its because he's thinking about sex alot. You have that right about him needing his sleep so he can go to work. I think he's addicted. All he's doing is making more and more kids. That would be alright if he's making that paper.

P.S Keep him making that money for you please.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007):

As female anon said, men have erections throughout the night. It happens when we dream. The subject of the dream is not important. When I get awake at 3 or 4 in the morning with one, I get a real cuddly feeling and want to snuggle against my wife. I don't want sex so much. I just want to cuddle. Of course I wake her up and she says something like, "Oh no, what time is it." It isn't like she doesn't like to cuddle. She just cant get back to sleep if she gets completely awake and I can, so she lies there listening to me snoring. There was an article on CNN a few weeks ago that said that men do this because they have a psychological need for love and affection. Women do also, but men get it by cuddling in the middle of the night.

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A male reader, Richard_EMids United Kingdom +, writes (1 November 2007):

Richard_EMids agony auntI don't think it's odd (the same thing every night might get a bit boring though). He's probably just waking up feeling sexy after a short sleep has relaxed him. Many men feel sexy in the morning after a good nights sleep. His sleeping pattern is probably a bit erratic because of your new baby, and has got into a habit of waking at 2-3 am. Hope everything else is going well. Take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007):

u are not alone in this, my husband when he is working, he gets very little sleep, and thats when i find he tries to get intimate with me, and whats strange is that he doesnt remember it at all. i have a few girl friends whoes husbands do the same thing too, tries to have sex, even give oral. so its not uncommon, its not some strange disease, i think its lack of sleep and being over tired. and remember its not necessarily because hes has a high sex drive. men have frequent erections through out the night, could be related to that. and well my husband says that he really doesnt remember a thing or dreams either. so just keep fighting him off

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