A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:my husband told me the other day that hes not sure if he can be with me if we cant have kids and ive always known that there may be a chance that i cant have kids from what a doctor said about a year ago and now im not even sure if i want kids anymore at all and then he told me also that he might change his mind in the future when it actually comes to that point when we feel like we might be ready to try but i dont know what i should do til then i mean what if i cant have children at all and then me and him have been together for 9 years or so and he just up in one day tells me he doesnt want to be with me cause i cant give him a baby i mean i thought marriage and love was suspose to be for better or worse reguardless of the situation if he says he cant be with me cause of this does that mean he doesnt love me or what!i mean i have no idea what to do. and i have no idea what to think about what he said it hurt me really bad. someone out there please tell me what i should do.or what i should think about the whole situation should i take the chance or should i leave just encase theres not that chance to take. hes the love of my life and i couldnt imagine being without him weve been together since 11th grade now im 20 and he already has a baby from another women and i just feel that maybe sometimes hell leave me for someone who can give him a child if i cant.HELP!!! Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): my fiancee just broke up with me after our little infant son died. the doctor told me that i cant have children anymore. i am 40 and had preeclampsia and almost died and our son DID die. i am horrified shocked and disgusted by this man that i thought loved me. he is an alcoholic. and used the excuse that he needs a woman to drink with. that i should go find someone that doesnt drink. he said that i am no FUN anymore. he is a monster. i just think that he either wants a baby maker or a drinking buddy. i can be neither. so i am out the door! my son died february 3rd. he was born january 10th. and i am devastated.rhonda costello
A
female
reader, DrPsych  + ♥, writes (20 June 2007):
 I have had infertility problems due to a host of medical conditions all my life and was also told by doctors that I couldn't have children with or without medical help...I am now 4 months pregnant without medical intervention. I tried for about 3 years for a baby with no luck and then I changed my lifestyle a bit (better diet) and got pregnant fairly soon after. My point is that you shouldn't resign yourself to never having a baby because you never know what may happen with mother nature! As for having a baby with your husband, I can see why you would have concerns. It is a very bad sign about the state of your relationship if it hinges on your fertility. You should talk to him about it, explain how you feel and see if there is an alternative explanation for his comments. At 20, it is normal to not know if you want a family and you have plenty of time to worry about those things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i mean one doctor told me that the only way that i would would be medical intervention but that weve have to start it right away cause it could take a while to work if it does and the younger i am the better then another doctor told me that it just takes a while for the birth controll i was on 3 1/2 years ago to completely clear out of my system or whatever but there still might be that chance and if i wanted to he could start me on hormone therapy and pills to help it but only when im ready and i told my husband about this and he said that he dont want to start it now cause hes not ready for us to have a baby yet he wants to wait another 3 or 4 years and then i told him well what if it doesnt work we could try a suregant or adoption and he said no to both he only wants me to carry it no other women and he doesnt want someone esle's baby but that if we couldnt have kids that he would never Leave me and then itll just be me and him forever but i told him i want a baby reguardless and a few months later {2 days ago} he told me that hes not sure if he could be with me if i couldnt give him a child but he doesnt want to hurt my feelings or anything and what makes me think i cant have a child is me and him have been havin unpertected sex for 3 years now and ive never been pregnant not once and i want to start on that hormone terapy and what not now just so i have a better chance but he says well if it works and you get pregnant too soon and were not finaically ready then what but is anyone really really ready for a baby when they actually have one?
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A
male
reader, Salad_Barbarian + ♥, writes (20 June 2007):
 If he really cared about you he wouldn't threaten to leave you over something like this. He seems to see you as nothing more than a walking uterus whose only reason for being is to give him offspring. My advice is to tell him that if he can't accept you as you are than you're leaving. A woman is more than just a mommy and he needs to realize that. If you want children at some point with a man that respects you then please look into adoption. There are so many unwanted children in this world in need of a family that loves them. Take care.
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A
female
reader, angelica111 +, writes (20 June 2007):
 Hi dear,What on earth is this man going on about ??? Seems to me, out of what you've written, that he's s/what obcessed to PROCREATE and not have children coming from love... Afterall, he has a kid already!!!! OK, it's w/ s/body else, before being w/ you, but WHY is he threatning you to leave if you can't give him a child. Sorry to say this, but my gut feeling is he's not willing to be w/ you unless you can be a mum for his children. Where's the LOVE?? Besides, there are so many various solutions to have kids nowadays..Even adoption.. Maybe he's just finding an excuse not to be w/ you? Hopefully you will be able to talk extensively w/ him about this subject. You're young, if I where you, I would also search a second advice from another doctor about not being able to have children. Doctors often get things wrong...Good luck, hugs
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A
female
reader, spanna +, writes (19 June 2007):
 there are many options nowadays
i mean i dont know wot the reason is behind u not having kids, but there is always ivf, if that doesnt work adoption or surgarcy there are soo many options now. you nee to talk to him about it, if hereally relly loves you he will accept you no matter wot. talk to him before you make any rash decisions
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