A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We have had many ups and downs but despite these we are still together and communicate with one another very openly and honestly. Lately things have been a bit rubbish and he hasn't been very attracted to me and vice versa.The other night my husband and I went out with another couple for drinks and snooker. There was lots of drinking involved (especially on my part!) and after a while myself and my friend left the boys at the bar and went back to hers.I was feeling incredibly frisky and started to kiss her and bite her which was reciprocated, things didn't go as far as they could of done because of certain limitations. When my husband arrived back he asked me if I had been up to things with my friend because he could smell her all over me... Well I didn't lie, and he was fine with it and extremely turned on which he hasn't been in months, consequently he has been 'very attracted' to me these past few days.We spoke about it further the next day. My husband says he doesn't mind me sleeping with other people, if I sleep with a woman I need to bring back details, but if I sleep with another man he doesn't want to ever know. I don't know how to feel about this. I don't want to give him the same freedom, and this makes me feel selfish and confused. He says he wants me to do what makes me happy, but at the same time, paranoia and doubt are seeping in and telling me that he wants me to give him the green light too... Are there any others in a similar situation? I don't want to do anything again purely because I feel that if I don't want him to do it then I shouldn't either... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 October 2014):
 Sometimes people need a little bit of a wake up call, consider this yours.
I hope you two can work it out. And GOOD for you in being honest with him and yourself!
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. I think Honeypie's got it right. What I did was more a reflection of the state of my marriage rather than wanting freedom.
I spoke to hubby again. I said that I don't want to do it again, and I don't want him to do anything either. I told him that if he wants that kind of relationship he can go ahead and have it, but not with me, that I want him to be happy. He said he wants to stay with me on my terms and we have agreed to work together on the issues we are having.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 October 2014):
Bit of a double standard there, you can go snog/screw another woman (or man) and he would be OK - but you DO NOT want him to do the same?
I think if you two VENTURE into this, he will eventually want to screw someone else too. I think that is why he is being so "free" about you and another woman. Because it will give him a card to hold over your head so HE can do the same.
And instead of you halfass cheatng on him, maybe you two needs to sit down and have a long chat. Figure out what is missing and HOW to go about getting it back. Adding more people to the "bedroom" will not fix your marriage.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (14 October 2014):
 Hes cheating. Even before your encounter with your friend.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 October 2014):
 No, you do not gave to give him the same opportunity. He did not request it. Talk to him about it, be honest that you do not want him to have ithers. If he still wants you to have other women, and you want it to, I say go for it. But if at one point he wants you to stop, you must be able to stop. In a past relationship, I had the green card to go be with eomen, and had no such benefits. But we were both open and liberal, example I was fine with him partykissing his male friends.
This didnt hurt our relationship, we broke up for other reasons. But ours started with this arrangement from the go. We were never monogamous. How things will work for your marriage is impossible to tell. But as long as there is a "stop button" you can each push, and both respect, then why not give it a try? You can always revert to being monogamous.
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A
female
reader, Loubou  +, writes (14 October 2014):
My husband said the same thing also, but if it was with a man I had to tell him. I felt exactly the same things. So I gave him the same courtesy because he said he trusted me and I would show the same respect. But not long after he had an affair for three months with another women did not tell me as agreed. My belief is that he absolutely trusts me and would abide by the rules, my gut and his actions just told me he's dishonest nothing more then that, cause I gave him the same opportunity and he abused my trust and betrayed me.
His actions may not be in sinc with yours but just telling you what happened to me in my situation.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 October 2014):
 You still communicate and do things together. So the friendship part is still good. Do you still love one another and will you feel sad if the marriage was to end now? I feel that you are only staying to see if there are benefits, the taboo that come from being with other people? Best to know if you can solve marital problems from within and not escape to other people. If not then I question why stay together. Also if you stay just so that he can't have others, it's not a happy ending. You can be assured that it's women he wants and not men.
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