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My husband of one month is sleeping in the living room because he likes playing video games! It’s stressing me out!

Tagged as: Health, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2019) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 February 2019)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Dear cupid

I married my husband a month back and we were dating for past 4 years. My husband started sleeping in living room starting a week ago, when I ask he says it's easier since he plays video games till past midnight and he want to keep company to our dog. I usually go to bed early since my work starts early on the morning. He sleeping separate is stressing me out and more i fight more he is stone walling me. What should I do now, should i let it go and him sleep on couch? Our sex life is good.

Please help me, thanks for reading

View related questions: sex life, video games

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (15 February 2019):

YouWish agony auntI think he will outgrow it. I have been a gamer all of my life, and when I was younger, I could easily play Final Fantasy or some other RPG/strategy game until 3am. However, I had to grow up, work long hours, and balance my time with my responsibilities. But even now, when a really good game comes out, I'll sometimes mark off a long weekend and play it marathon-style, sometimes still playing until late and sleeping on the couch.

But doing it all the time means he needs to grow up. It's no different than any other hobby...it just needs to be balanced with his other responsibilities.

My suggestion to YOU is - stop doing his chores along with yours! Don't cook his meals (cook for yourself only). Don't do his laundry. Don't clean up after him. Don't be his mommy, who most likely did all of those things for her little boy. Do not respond physically to him in any place but the BEDROOM, and only if he stays there afterwards!

In order for him to enjoy the BENEFITS of the household and marriage, he must ENGAGE in them and CONTRIBUTE. Otherwise, your job becomes much easier.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 February 2019):

Bingo! It's about his gaming!!! You didn't answer any of my other questions that could help; so you might not get many answers.

He's refusing to sleep in the same room choosing the dog and his games instead. He's protesting your objection and stonewalling you. He's not going to do housework; and he'd rather hangout with the dog, and play video games all night.

If you were dealing with someone mature and reasonable; if you want affection and intimacy, you only need to ask nicely. Getting upset and having an argument only raises tension; and you'll get more resistance.

Snuggle with him on the couch before going to bed. If he's gaming, get a book to read; and just enjoy the company until you get sleepy. Then go to bed and you won't notice you're alone.

Does this guy have a job? How can he be up all night and be ready to go to work the next day? He apparently isn't on night-shift; if he's home gaming until late hours of the night. Does he also smoke weed? What you've described characterizes someone who's childish and lazy. Just seems like you married the wrong guy. Marriage doesn't suit him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2019):

Keeping company to the dog. That is a new one. The usual excuse is, Hon, because I snore and keep you awake all night.. but no seriously there must be a reason why he prefers to sleep separatly. Doesnt he work? Doesnt he have to get up early as well? It seems to me that he is one of those who dont like sharing their bed with others. Just accept it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2019):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi

This is OP. Yes he used to play games all along our relationship, earlier we stayed in one bedroom house and couch was not comfortable ,so we always sleep in same bed. We were living together for 6 months before marriage. Once I said he should do house hold stuff instead of playing video games, after that I never pressured him to stop or anything. I'm arrsser

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 February 2019):

Well...you go to bed earlier and he likes to play video games to late hours of the night. It sounds feasible that he wouldn't want to disturb you; if you have to get up earlier.

Did you live separately before marriage? Are you a very light sleeper? Do you have a queen, king, or double-sized bed? You are aware of his pension for gaming, how is this suddenly an issue?

What's weird is that he'd rather keep his dog company rather than his wife. What?!!

You say his sleeping separately is stressing you out. Care to elaborate how it goes as far as stressing you out? He's in the same house. You can visit any-time you like.

"Stressing" over it might be dramatizing; but I fully understand where your feelings would be hurt, and you'd feel lonely. I venture to guess that you're worried that he's up to something?

Have you tried to compromise by asking him to alternate nights he sleeps on the couch to keep you company? I can't see where video-gaming is so essential that it takes a priority above comforting your wife at night. That's his duty as your husband and part of the intimacy shared between spouses.

Stonewalling is getting-off on the wrong foot. You don't stonewall someone you're married to. He's got to get used to being married and learn a few things. You don't do weird boyish crap and treat your wife like she has no right to address you about it. He's a grown-man, and he can do what he pleases. You can't tell him where to sleep. You can lure him back to the bedroom through compromise. Throwing a tantrum will justify his avoidance; and he'll dig-in his heels.

Well, you may have only been married a month; but if you lived together all along, maybe he's feeling caged or cramped. His somewhat lame explanation and refusal to even discuss it is really suspect. I think you're skirting the issue. I think you've always had issues about his gaming and closeness to the dog. Is the dog allowed in the bedroom? On the bed? I ask, because it seems like an act of protest rather than trying not to disturb you.

Stonewalling and avoidance is a practice that people use to have their own way. This predisposition for being so unyielding was a trait you've dealt with all along. Only it has now reached the bedroom. It should have been a red-flag. Now you're married. If you've complained about his gaming or have tried to curb his gaming; this might be his final solution.

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