A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here goes..Today My husband of 12 years packed his clothes and left. He told me he didnt love me anymore and has left me with our 2 boys. I know we haven't been seeing eye to eye for some time but i honestly never expected this. after all, what family doesnt have problems? But today he told me he had slept with someone else on a couple of occasions over the past year or so, of course all my family now hate him. he has gone to his parents house. I believe him that he's not having a relationship with this other woman.But I dont.I love him.I want him back.I want him to want me again, to try again.But i dont know what to do...my head hurts. I begged him to stay but he left anyway. The boys are heartbroken and I dont know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Well I asked him to stay but he said no.He really hates me.I've asked him once,I wont ask again.
He has broken me to the point I don't know if I can pick upthe pieces.
He came round last night to quickly see the boys and I asked if he would talk to me.He hadn't even looked at me since he left.
It took only 20 minutes to arrange what would happen,how the finances would be sorted,what he wanted from the house(he's not actually taking anything, and as the house is council then there shouldn't be many problems)He can pay for the divorce,he's the one who left,the one who had sex in the car of this slut during his fag breaks at his club for over a year.then he told me that i should have no trouble finding someone else as i was really fanciable!!!
I've told him he can see the boys but on my terms.they miss him so much,my youngest wrote on his picture that " mummy and daddy not married anymore"
thing is i want to talk to his mum,not to shout ,theres no point,but to thanks her for actually being an ok mother in law.I know he's sleeping there and i don't know how long that will last but thats not my problem.he's her son and i want her to feel she call see the boys or call them whenever she likes.
20 minutes to break up after 12 years.
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (21 November 2008):
 Ok Honey. This happened to me nearly 2 years ago. My husband up and left without a word after 15 years of marriage leaving me with our son. He told me he wanted out and that he was no longer happy. Now I really wanted him back. He had had constant affairs but I dodn't care I still wanted him back because I was comfortable and happy in our relationship. I did not realise he was unhappy and thought we just muddled along. Now I begged, whined, promised the world if only he would come back. He came and went for a year with me doing everything for this man and in the end he just up and left for good. Now I was so desperate and so needy it drove him even further away. I texted him ALL the time and in the end he took me to court and took out an injunction against me. DO NOT let this happen to you. I made a complete fool of myself because I was deeply upset, angry and hurting. He did not care a jot. He had moved on mentally and he did not give a toss what me and my son were going through. Eventually he divorced me and even then I could not let go, I still wanted him back. Eventually not seeing him for months and him never ever speaking to me or answering my calls made me realise I had to accept it was over.
Now, your husband may well come back. Mine did this in November too and with Xmas coming it makes things very hard all round. The secret to this is not to chase him or beg him to do anything. Although you are breaking inside don't show him and don't contact him or send him any notes at all. When he calls you re the kids or whatever be upbeat, friendly and get him off the phone as quickly as possible with you ending the call. Wanting to talk about the relationship and how sad you are is a turn off to them, it just annoys them. Don't raise this subject. Also keep your dignity and decorum at all times, no anger, swearing or anything like this. This is a very very hard time and I so understand so if I can help further pl send me a mail.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): In troubled and difficult times like this, always remember the words of Ann Landers: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye and say,"I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): I have empathy with you. I am dealing with a similar situation. I can understand the shock and the pain you are dealing with right now. Don't make any decisions right now, give yourself a few days to comprehend everything. Yes, I know it hurts and believe me it does help to cry and to get rid of your emotions. Don't keep them bottled up, but try not to expose your children to all the emotional trauma. It might be good if they can visit friends to play for a while or to keep them occupied with things.
Do get legal advice. It does help to know what your legal rights are and to know what to do should you not be able to reconcile.
Maybe you should consider counseling. Somebody to try and help you work through all this emotional turmoil.
I feel for you from the bottom of my heart. Be strong and remember you have to think of your children.
Do not try to get all the answers immediately. Give yourself a few days to get over the initial shock. Try and divert your attention and don't focus on this all the time. It is difficult, but trust me, it does help to clear your thoughts.
Try to get some good rest and give your children lots of love and affection.
The Uncles and Aunts here on this site will give you great advice and support.
My thoughts are with you.
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A
female
reader, Anonny +, writes (20 November 2008):
Aww that is sad! - Atleast you are trying to give him another go & the children will appreciate that! However, if he has slept with someone else - it shows his loyalty has gone out the window - so can he really be trusted?!
Nevertheless keep on trying for the sake of the boys if nothing else!
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