A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my husband for 12 years and we have 2 kids, ive just found out that he has been going on gay chat sites and im not sure if this means he is gay, he has a very high sex drive and a few years ago nearly had an affair with a woman. it seems like he is never satified and always wants more,we can have sex 6 days aweek but on the seventh he will be on chat rooms.i love my husband but not sure what to make of it its as though its come out the blue cause he never used to do anything like this beforewhat does this mean? for me and him?
View related questions:
affair, chat room, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): As a gay man who has slept with a few married men in my life I can tell you that it is unlikely that your husband's desire for men is new. It is very important for you to get a grasp of this very hard and painful reality. I am not sure what it means for the two of you. But it is most important that you seek a means of communicating effectively together about it. It is very likely that your husband has been having sex with men for your entire marriage. Please take it from a gay man who has had a long term partner cheat on him for years. Gay men maladapt behaviors that help them survive against very painful feelings. First do take care of yourself and get a strong understanding that you have done nothing wrong. Then proceed to understand what is going on in your marriage so that you can take the next steps toward aware decision of what you need and want next. I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): I don't know what to tell you, other than you are not alone. My husband of 14 years told me about 6 months ago that he gave his buddy a blow job in the garage. And then asked if I was okay with it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007): Perhaps he is bisexual and is craving lots of sex with both men and women. I don't think he could be solely gay as he has quite a lot of sex with you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Well he is eitehr gay, bi or curious. Chances are he has been doing this for years, and you just did not know.
Firstly YOU have to decide what you are going to do. If he is bi, gay or whatever, and wants to continue to be married to you, you will have to make a choice of stay in a new open relationship, or go. Once you figure that out, talk to your husband and let him know that you need him to be honest with you.
Next, there are support groups online, and local community centers for straight spouces of gays. They will be able to relate to you and support you in ways you will not find here.
Hope this helps.
This does not have to be the end of your marriage...but it could be the beginning of a new relationship for you. If there is anything you ever wanted to experience (your own bi experience or other lovers, etc...) this would be the time to incorporate it into your marriage.
-Frank B Kermit
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): Maybe your husband is a sex addict. Sounds crazy but it's possible. Do some research on it and see if he fits the profile. Then talk to him about getting counseling. I wish you the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (20 June 2007):
 No- one is going to be able to tell you whats going through you husbands head at the moment apart from him, so the only way you are going to be able to find out is by confronting him about it, which i understand will be very hard for you and also for him, we all generally go through confusion at some point in our lives about our sexuality it might just be something like that see how he reacts if you try and talk to him about it.
Take care.xx.
...............................
|
