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My husband likes to watch me sleeping. Is this odd?

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Question - (17 April 2009) 15 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2009)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

ok its a little weird but i have been married 7 and 1/2 years and ever since i got married when i go to bed at night after i am asleep my husband will mess with me in my sleep and i will wake up and not say anything but just pretend like i am still asleep and move around pretending to be waking up just to see if he will stop and he does

and then he will give his self time to think that i am asleep again and he will start it right back up and ill say something like stop and i will go back to sleep and the next thing i know i am waking up with him doing it again!!

i have talked to him about it and i told him that it is very uncomfortable and disgusting to me but he don't stop is there something wrong with him or what ! it really gets on my nerves!

and i made him start sleeping on the couch and still i will wake up and he will have a small flashlight or something just staring at me with it from the end of the bed under the covers or something

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A male reader, suryan Canada +, writes (11 August 2009):

Somnophilia

Somnophilia

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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Somnophilia (from Latin 'somnus' = sleep and Greek f???a, '-philia' = love), or sleeping princess syndrome[1] or Sleeping Beauty syndrome[2], is a paraphilia in which sexual arousal and/or orgasm are stimulated by intruding on and awakening a sleeping person with erotic caresses, but not with force or violence.[1][3] The eye-rolling before fainting may also cause arousal. Somnophilia may also refer to having sex with a sleeping partner or rubbing against the body with the private parts or hands. There is no literal term for the reciprocal paraphilic condition of being the recipient, which more often occurs in fantasy than in reality.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009):

Well, your not alone! I've only been married for 2 years and my husband does the same thing to me. I haven't been able to find a way to make him stop, and it has completely ruined our sexlife. I have (PTSD) post traumatic stress disorder, from an insident that happened 8 years ago.. I was drugged and woke up to being raped! (I did councelling, and have had good sexual relationships since this event. But now I find it to be increasingly difficult to be intimate, since I got married) I have even told him that his actions are causing me to start having flashbacks again and PTSD attacks. His reply? You shouldn't be having that, because it's different then what happened to you. I'm your husband and I'm allowed to. I'm not doing anything wrong!

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (21 April 2009):

SirenaBlusera agony auntWatching you sleep is one thing, but if he tries to have sex with you while you're asleep (I agree that would be rape) or he tries to wake you up to have sex, that is ABUSE.

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A female reader, Darity United States +, writes (17 April 2009):

Darity agony auntI had a relationship with the same kind of situation, He would wake me up feeling me sexually and rubing on me and I would just tell him to leave me alone and he would or I would except his advances and have great sex. I felt he just was that into me that he wanted me all the time and didn't feel there was anything wrong with it, although he never looked at me with a flashlight -- that is a little scary. Have you ever given in to him and give him what he wants? Maybe once the conquest is finalized he will leave you alone, but only do what you feel comfortable doing.

--Darity

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

hmmm....That's sort of like waking up to a nice bj, no? I never complained about that. lol@ the thought of me scolding a gf for waking me that way.

I suppose its a bit different though when a guy does it to a girl.. So much for equality of the sexes.

My point being, you could turn it into something creepy and weird that people on this site can ooh and ahh about, and make him feel bad about it, or you can just accept the fact that your husband is horny and do something to remedy that. Hubby is young..his sex drive is in overdrive.

Good luck with it.

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A female reader, b.rye United States +, writes (17 April 2009):

b.rye agony auntIf he has intercourse with you while you are sleeping, that is considered rape. Just FYI.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (17 April 2009):

Danielepew agony auntI'm with Lazy Guy.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (17 April 2009):

LazyGuy agony auntWell the watching you sleep itself ain't all that odd. The messing with... that is. Why is he doing it? He wants more sex then you give during waking hours or is it that he wants sex while you are asleep and the being asleep is the thrill bit?

There is a fetish on that subject, might it be something he is into? It could of course be that he is trying to do something you won't allow when you are awake but that seems unlikely.

However, the question of wether it is odd or not is countered by the fact that it makes you uncomfortable. Sex is a two way street and partners got to meet each other in the middle.

If this is of limits to you, make it clear. You have and he doesn't seem to understand that you say. Unless he is mentally backwards, I think that really means he doesn't care/doesn't respect your opinion.

Make of that what you will.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

It depends what he's doing. Just watching your face as you sleep..well I used to do that. Cuz my girl looked like such an angel in her sleep, if only that was how she was awake.. Anyway! The point is he might feel the same as I did.

But I really don't know what he's doing, you didn't specify..If he's just looking at you, in my opinion, that is not a bad thing.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (17 April 2009):

Danielepew agony auntYeah, Satin asked a good question.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i mean he will be touching my vaginal area and trying to have intercourse with me while i am sleeping

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A female reader, PeanutButter United States +, writes (17 April 2009):

PeanutButter agony auntI know i love to look at my husband when he sleeps, he is just so ridiculously adorable, but then what? He's asleep and so i go to sleep or go do something else because sitting there staring at him all night would be a little creepy.

I think we all like to se our significant others asleep sometimes because its not something we're used to, perhaps, and its special, just between you both, but it sounds like your husband has taken it to a whole other level!

You sound like you really need to talk to him about it again - if it has gotten so bad that he is disturbing your sleep, wierding you out, sitting there with a flashlight???? it sounds like he has a little bit of either a fetish or an obsession going on and if he cant talk to you about it then this is really going to be unhealthy for your relationship - especially if it has gotten to the point that you feel so uncomfortable about it that you're asking if it is ok - bottom line is, if you are not happy, it is not ok. He needs to understand that and he needs to try and stop i - maybe sleeping on the couch is making him worse because now its become something forbidden???

Either try to talk to him again, or get a lock on your bedroom door - not a great idea for a marriage to survive bu if he cant keep himself to himself while you sleep then you are not going to last a lot longer as you get less sleep and more peeved at the situation.

Perhaps he needs to talk to someone professionally??

Whatever it is, i really hope for your sake that you find a answer that helps.

Best of luck

xxxxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

ok, it may seem a little bit odd, but it sounds like he might think that you look cute when you sleep. but if you find it uncomfortable, then maybe you should talk to him about it more, and ask him why he is watching you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

No this is not right at all. I think it is an extreme violation actually, that he thinks it's ok to "mess with you" while you are actually asleep and have no chance to offer any consent.

I think you should put a lock on the bedroom door and then make him sleep on the couch. It's disgraceful behaviour- especially as you have told him on more than one occasion that you don't like what he is doing. If he doesn't stop I would threaten to move out. I would hate to have to worry about that sort of thing everytime I went to bed.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009):

I hope this is a fake post because that's so freaky! Leave, get out is all I can say. Wow

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