A
female
age
41-50,
*sa0815
writes:My Husband left me 5 days ago. I came home to a note on the table stating that he was leaving. He told me he would let his next check go into the bank. He left his debit and atm card on the table with his key. Well we have a 11yr old son together that he is very close to. I checked the bank accounts and he had written a check to take a good amount of money out. Christmas is in a couple of days. I did not see this coming at all. We never argue, our sex life is great and we talk about everything. That same day we text messaged back and forth. I am so confused and don't understand. This is a man that when I get home every evening from work he want to lay and cuddle on the couch with me. He does not like for me to go to bed while he is watching tv, he says he likes me by him. He will not answer my phone calls or messages and I have no idea where he is. He also took more money out of our acount a few days later. I didnt take everything out because I had bills coming through. He did let me get his next check but he is not letting me get anymore. He knows that I cannot afford to pay the bills on my own. I just don't know what to do. He left a couple of years ago but we were arguing and this time our relationship was great. Its driving me crazy he wont talk to me. We have been together 14 years and married 12years. It has me where I can't eat and I havent slept a total of 5 hours since he has left. I have lost 20lbs in 5 days and don't know how my body is going. I hate when night comes because I know thats another day he hasnt come home. My son is by his grandmother for the holiday break and will be home for christmas.I just don't know what to think or do.
View related questions:
christmas, grandmother, money, sex life, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 Hi. If you have joint bank accounts with him. It might be wise to try and close them. If he is behaving unpredictably and decides to take out a loan on one of the accounts or go over the agreed limit on them, you would jointly be liable for any outstanding debt. So for your own protection, i would go and speak to someone at the bank, explain what has happened and find out how to proceed.
Also, you need to apply for social assistance. Im not sure how it works in the US but there must be some form of help. So do go and find out if you are entitled to anything asap. If you are a member of a church, explain your plight to them. Many churches are very good at helping out in a crisis.
I imagine you know where your husband works. Send him a message and say if hes not prepared to answer your calls or messages. Then you will have no choice but to go to his place of work and speak to him in person. Im sure that will get him communicating again!
At the very least, you need to know if he has any intention of returning home in the near future. If he has and hes prepared to help out finacially, you might be able to wait out his actions. But if he has decided hes not returning, you will need support from him for your child. In which case, you will probably need a lawyer.
Change the locks as he might have had a spare key cut. Hes abandoned the marital home, so make sure he has no access to it now, unless its through you.
If its possible, why not try staying with your sons grandmother instead of you and your son being on your own for Christmas. Its going to be a difficult time for you both. And you might benefit from some company.
Im sorry youve found yourself in this position. I hope you can resolve things with your husband.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (23 December 2010):
 You need immediate assistance. I understand he's giving you his next check, but will that take care of your bills. It's imperative that child support and spousal support begins a.s.a.p., if your state recognizes this support. I apologize if I speak as if this is the end, but without anything contradicting what you've said, it has to be look at as being so.
My heart and prayers are with you and your son during this difficult time. I can't image what you have been going through and all the thoughts bouncing in your head about why and how could this man do this to his family. Those answers I don't know. I read what you wrote and my first thought was, "what a stupid man". I cannot believe how someone could do this to someone who they stood in front of the pastor and vowed their life to. It's not just that he left, but how he left. Maybe calling him a "man" is giving him to much credit. I can only think of one weaker way to say good bye and that is not taking time to write a note.
He left, but you are a mother too. Don't let his absence take away from your ability to love and care for your child. You two have each other and need the strength of each other to make it through this difficult time. I know you haven't been eating, or caring for yourself, as if you need to punish yourself in some way. But in doing so you are taking away from the beauty of who you are and who you need to be for your son. This is going to be a process, and one I wish you two never had to face, but it's here and can't be ignored. I've been divorced. I know how hard it is to believe things are going okay, then to find out your partner thinks differently. It makes you question "why", or what signs could there have been that were missed. Believe me, focusing on trying to figure that out will only lead to more questions, and no real answers.
It doesn't sound like there was anything really damaged in your marriage, and don't blame yourself for what has happened. Sometimes people go in a different direction, and there isn't any justifiable reason as to why they did. If it were me, I'd kick him in the a** and ask what and the hell is he thinking. Your situation is difficult because with what you wrote doesn't leave any room to perceive what might be going through his mind. Personally I'd ask him, "who is she?", but at this time I can't even speculate if that is the proper direction.
How old is he? Could he be experiencing some sort of mid life crisis? I ask because I see his actions toward you as being slightly off balance.
With this being new, and a fresh hurt, find someone you can trust to list what actions need to be taken. What changes will there be and what new directions need to be taken so you and your son will be okay. I know your grieving and it is going to take some time. I'm worried for you because you really don't have much time before you need to start things in motion so things can get taken care of.
I hope this helps and that everything works out for you guys.
...............................
|
