A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband would not let me see his cell phone last night. I wanted to see the pictures from a birthday party, he said "No, I would go through his phone" and if I trusted him then I wouldnt have a issue with it. I am a stay at home mother 3 kids, he works in a professional setting. We are struggling financially to the point I am trying to enlist as hard as it will be away from my kids. How can I trust him when he is selfish with his phone and I have been "selfless" too him through out the 10 years being married,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2019): You are the selfish one.Your three kids need you but you want to abandon them for the miltary? Join in twenty years when they are grown. You are a mom now the kids come first.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2019): He's not being selfish. It's HIS phone. What gives you the right to go through it? If you want to see photos, just ask him if he can show you or send them to you. You are not entitled to look through his phone, nor is he obligated to show his wife his phone.
Enlisting is an entirely different topic.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 April 2019):
 So why not just ASK him to send you the pictures to YOUR phone? So you can have then and look at them whenever?
I don't see what he NOT wanting you to go through his phone has to do with you enlisting? At all.
As a family, that would be something you would have to AGREE on and work out the details of. Because YOU will LIKELY not be able to enlist if you have NO "care plan" for your kids (for when they get sick etc.) This is something you need to make with your husband and/or other family members who can help out.
And there there is your age. The military takes far fewer people over 30 these days. A mother of 3? Might be tough.
But if your husband supports your choice and this is what you want, then have you seen a recruiter? Discussed your options? Your choices for MOS's? Can you pass the fitness requirements? See if this is even a viable option.
I think wanting to join the military because you are PISSED off at your husband for not giving you his phone is... well, childish. It's a PRETTY big commitment to join the Armed Forces and it shouldn't be done on a whim.
If not, there are OTHER jobs out there. The question is if they pay enough for you to work, have the kids in day/care/after school care and still help the family finances.
This whole phone thing is a WHOLE other issue in your marriage than you being BORED with being a SAMH and wanting a career too. So treat them like TWO different issues. It's OK to want to get a job/career and it's OK to want to see some pictures fro ma birthday party, it's ALL about HOW you go about ACHIEVING both.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (4 April 2019):
 There’s so much to unpack here....
You have no right to have access to his phone - have the pictures moved to a shared computer or print them out.
He is being oddly protective of his phone - implying he may have something to hide OR you have snooped before and he doesn’t trust you not to now.
Why the military? That’s a big leap from most careers, let alone the routine/work of a stay-at-home parent.
Does he know you’re already trying to enlist? What skills do you have to enlist? What position are you enlisting for?
Why has this one thing blown your trust in him? What else has he done that makes you question this one incident?
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