A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 28 years old and have been married for 6 years now. I don't know what to do, I'm depressed and need help with my marriage. My husband can be rude and grumpy a lot of time with me, he's only nice to me when he wants sex. He also doesn't like me or us spending time with my side of the family or any of my friends. I currently don't have a friend I can really talk to. I'm only able to contact my friends and family via text or e-mail because if he finds out I'm talking to my family he freaks out. He thinks I'm secretely talking bad things about him or keeping some kind of major secret away from him, when all I want to do is communicate with my family and hang out with the girls. He doesn't trust me even though he says he does but he says he doesn't trust my family or my girlfriends. I really have no idea why he says that, I'm very shy and not outgoing I don't have wild and crazy friends! and he starts cusing when he loses his temper which very often and hurts my feeling everytime! Please help me.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 July 2008):
 Hi, your situation doesn't sound very good to me. Have you tried just talking to him about this in a calm way? How does he respond? When was the last time you saw your friends or family?
I don't like the sound of this. He does sound like a very controlling person and you are right to be concerned. I think Kinky Boots has a good idea about seeing the doctor for your depression. And Irish has reinforced the notion that you are entitled to contact with friends and family. Have you considered marriage counseling? That might be something to suggest to him, but from you report of him, I doubt he'll react positively.
I'd like you to look at this website too, this is the National Domestic Violence Hotline, if you feel you can do this safely on your computer. You could also call them at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). The link I'm giving here is the quiz that checks to see if you are in an abusive relationship, they don't have to be physically violent, there is emotional and psychological abuse too.
http://www.ndvh.org/help/abuse_quiz-help.html
Hope this helps and I'm so glad to hear that you're reaching out for help.
Let us know how things go, and take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Honestly, I think you need to get out of this relationship as soon as possible, for your own sanity and safety. Your husband is abusive. Cutting you off from your support network (your friends and family) and losing his temper on you is abusive behaviour. If he changes, it will only be for the worse. I wouldn't be surprised if he were to get physically abusive with you, on top of the verbal and emotional abuse he's already inflicting on you. Perhaps he's been violent with you already, grabbing, restraining or hitting you? You're young: you've a long life ahead of you - do you really want to spend it being abused? You've two choices: a) leave and have a shot at the kind of life you want and in which you can be happy or b) stay and continue to be abused for the entire length of your relationship with this poisonous man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Every person is allowed to live their life freely and without constraint. Your husband is a very insecure perhaps controlling and selfish. You need to take a strong stand. . He plainly feels unliked but he also has 'chosen' to take you down with him by controlling your life. That is unfair, wrong and manipulative--he is isolating you from your family, friends...the very people who support and encourage you.. How he treats you is only about him-your husband needs some serious work. So your serious concern in your head, about all this is a clear signal. You need to hear it and respect it. So what do you do? You've started, dear. You are questioning things; questioning his behavior; identifying his inappropriate behaviors; you are feeling your justified resentment to the way he is treating you.. So for starters, never blame yourself or feel responsible for his failings-his failings are his, and there is nothing you can do to remedy his stuff. You have no control over him. By improving your boundaries with him, you won't be inclined to blame yourself and take responsibility for his 'crap' anymore. You want to take back your power in this marriage, if, in fact you choose to be in this marriage, at all. He needs to respect your life. You need to think long and hard about how your husband's behaviour's is affecting your sense of self-worth. Marriage counseling may also help him but it may arduous and a long, long process. Are you up for that? Whatever you do, you have the right to have family, friends in your life. Stay strong and I'm with you all the way! Take care, hun.
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A
male
reader, doddster_24  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 hi, your husband sounds very passesive and ignorant of your feelings, ive been in a relationship where i had no one to turn to and ignored my family and friends throught the lover i was with, u need to sit him down if you can and explain your feelings or go to a marrage counsiler, or just dont give him sex that will drive him insanejoke and he might just learn that to get his way you want somthing in return, to me marrage is love affection spending time together, and time apart, and being able to spend time with who u want ie family friends without feeling guilty or regret. if you love him which i belive you do just try and change a few things ... make new intrests that can make him feel better about himself and yourself..reasure him that you love him and how you feel about not being able to see your family or friends and that you wouldnt hurt him becouse you love him... hope this helps... if he loves you he will listen to your feelings hope this helps
all the bestx
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