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My husband is obsessed with a threesome - but even the guy he wants it with thinks it's a bad idea!

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 November 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 23 November 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Recently my husband has become obsessed with having a MMF threesome after reading various magazines and online sites about it, and he insists we should have it as it will make our marriage stronger. He also wants me to sleep with his best friend (who we socialise with a lot!). His best friend's single, and we've often socialised with him and his various girlfriends he's had - although he doesn't want a relationship at the moment. I've known his best friend as long as I've known my husband. My husband insists if we have threesomes, they must ONLY be MMF threesomes, no other women involved.

I told him explicitly "NO" but he insisted I was mad not to refuse.

A week later, I was driving home from work, and his best friend waved to me, so I stopped in a side road and asked him about his day, how his life is doing etc. I then told him I had something private to ask him, so I picked him up in the car, then went to his house and I told him about my husband's plan and he said to me:

"What?? That's just one bad idea. I mean, you're my best friend's wife, and he's trying to get you to sleep with me. That's low, really low, and vile to say the least."

He said he was happy to be friends with me and no more. He also thanked me for being such a good friend, and for letting him know about this. He said

I haven't told my husband yet that I spoke to his best friend about it, should I do this??

Please help me, Patricia

View related questions: best friend, friend's wife, threesome

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (23 November 2008):

DoubleM agony auntStick to your "guns" about this, as we might say in Texas. A threesome would be extremely destructive to your marriage because your values are good and true. Personally, I have always declined any kind of similar offers - many of which were more like private invitations from friend's wives or girlfriends, and I will die knowing that I rightfully declined every time. That kind of thing is wrong and very messy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008):

Here's a thought...if you told your husband "what if I fall in love with your best friend? will you be able to handle that?"

that doesn't sound like making a marriage stronger.

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A female reader, helpjayne United Kingdom +, writes (22 November 2008):

helpjayne agony auntdon't feel pressured into a threesome cause your husband wants to see you get hot with his mate. tell him you've asked his mayte privately and he agrees that it would be awkward. i mean your husbands not the only guy who likes mmf but it should be your say so, and he shouldn't keep asking. tell him no means no and he's acting like a child asking again and again.

i think you shouldn't do it if you feel at all abit weird about this and your husbands friend,i mean if your a really good mayte to his friend it will ruin it completely because you'l be thinking constantly that he's seen you nakid and everything.

goodluck with this.

x

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A female reader, MissUnique United Kingdom +, writes (22 November 2008):

MissUnique agony auntYou've already told him no, but he's still insisting? Wow, that's pretty selfish. Tell him you feel really uncomfortable about the whole thing and he can have his fantasy in his head if he wants to, but don't expect it to become reality. Ask him why won't he consider you're feelings here? He's only thinking about himself.

Good Luck Patricia :)

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A female reader, Teacake United States +, writes (22 November 2008):

Teacake agony auntThe only thing that makes a marriage stronger is when a husband with serious issues deals with them honestly.

As others have said, fantasy never turns out well. Also, he is full of it to say it will make the marriage stronger. It will do the opposite. IT will only breed sickness of the soul.

He needs help and it is very sad that he wants to drag you into a sick world. If this isn't resolved in a few months, if he seems to be getting stranger... you might need to separate for a while so he can get his head on straight.

You are wise to question the strangeness of this. Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008):

For one thing, fantasies never turn out the way you see them in you mind. Reality always tends to backfire! That's why fantasy is great it always works the way the person wants it too! Not so in real life! You and your man's friend should stick to you principles and refuse to go along with it. A threesome only works if all three participants are willing. If you (or the friend) have any apprehension, don't start anything that could shatter your world! And Yes, I would tell your husband, that you ran into his friend and you told him about your husbands idea.

Tell your husband that fantasies are meant to be kept just that...FANTASY!

Best of Luck!

I will be watching for follow-ups on this situation...feel free to contact me personally if need be!

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