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My husband is in touch with his ex girlfriend again

Tagged as: Marriage problems, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 April 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 April 2018)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hi.... Big issue here is trust... I recently saw ( I was standing behind him while he was at the computer) that my husband has his old girlfriend on his bill payer.. we’ve only been married 2 years and we are not on each other’s accounts... He says he’s not hiding money or sending her money... which I don’t believe... Then why does he have her on his bill payer ... They got back in touch a little over 2 years ago... He’s secretly emails her from his computer ..not his phone... I’ve seen when he’s emailed her but did not open (tempted though)

He’s says he’s counseling her in regards to substance abuse etc.. also he says he sends her stuff on Osho and other spiritual readings .. I’m thinking about divorcing him... Anybody have any thoughts on this... I would welcome..Thanks

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 April 2018):

It would seem he would be a lot more transparent with his wife; if he's giving an old girlfriend spiritual or religious advice. I think that's all just a cover.

I think he's being quite arrogant and really disrespectful to have any woman on his bill-payer service other than his wife! Not even your own sister belongs on it!

Is your husband a substance abuse-counselor? Is he her assigned rehab-sponsor? It would be a highly unusual situation teaming a married-man with his ex-girlfriend for those purposes.

You've only been married two years. You don't just end the marriage; unless you actually caught him in the act of adultery, or had solid evidence he was having an affair.

Have you asked him to show you all their communications? Have you asked him to remove her name from his accounts? You have a right to. He has no justifiable reason to refuse.

You're not his girlfriend. You're his wife. Asking a husband not to have friends is one thing. Asking your husband to discontinue contact with an old girlfriend is an entirely different ballgame. Particularly, when it is causing disruption in his marriage; and causes you discomfort.

Inform him that you are considering divorce unless he agrees to counseling; after deleting her name and number from every device he has. Not as a request, but as a demand.

If he refuses, get yourself a divorce-attorney. Play no games.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 April 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntIf you are thinking about divorce then there really must be no trust there at all. I can see why you are struggling. If you cannot trust him and you don't believe him then maybe you could both try counselling? Have you asked him to stop the contact with her and told him how it makes you feel. Maybe if he knows how much this is upsetting you he will try harder. If he doesn't agree to the counselling then it may be best to up and leave. But remember you both need to try harder to get the marriage stronger.

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