| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My husband is extremely insecure. The weird thing is, I've always admired him for his confidence, humor, and many other wonderful traits. He was very direct in asking me out and always made me feel important. We've been together for three years now.Just recently, he admitted to me that he's been "acting" confident this entire time. He thought that it was something he could adapt or learn through practice. But truth is he's very insecure. He says he feels insecure when I hang out with people without him. He says he knows I would never hurt him and it's not reasonable thinking. I was very surprised to hear this but was understanding. I felt sad that he had been hurting all this time alone, and didn't seem to trust me enough to open up to me about it. I also feel sad that i didn't notice. I did realize that he's often very curious as to what I'm doing and who I went out with, but it was always expressed in a healthy way of showing genuine interest. He has never been controlling or crossed the line. He said that he's always been aware of his insecure personality and didn't want it to let it affect us. He's also insecure when it comes to friends. He's not very good at setting boundaries for himself among his friends and the workplace. There have been times he hasn't stood up for himself because he's afraid people won't like him. We have a good relationship. There were a couple of times when we had an argument (about something unrelated). During those times, I asked for some personal time to go out with friends. He said that he spent the day crying at home due to his own fears. I've never seen him cry. I know he's in a lot of pain. He says he feels relieved opening up to me and sharing with me. I told him that I love him deeply and would never do anything to hurt him. I asked what I can do help him and he said he doesn't know, because we're already very good at communicating and transparency. He says he wants to change for himself and for us, and to make changes to be happy. I know "changing" him probably isn't the answer but how can we work together to help him cope?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2019): I think that it is very important to be firm with your husband, advising him that he must change and that you will not change! Of course, do Love him and feel some compassion, but your husband must be an actor, because he sold you an entirely different man than who you thought you were marrying! If I were in your place, I would be angry with him for not opening up to you in the beginning about his lack of confidence! I would not stop going out with friends neither male of female. He needs to step up and be a confident husband, or step into the background so that you can lead in your marriage! If he is unable to keep up with you in the bedroom, then you should open your half of the marriage, to be seen to and pumped full to complete satisfaction by a more confident man with strong swimmers! Good luck to You!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2019): Gosh, some of these answers sound like doom and gloom. Perhaps if your husband has confessed his lack of confidence and his fears and anxieties to you, what he may want is for you to step up and lead in your marriage! I have been married over 20yrs in spite of having a very small penis and a vivid imagination for fantasy and role play. My wife has never cheated, but our marriage is female led. She is very social and me, not so much. Try what my wife does. Go out with your friends like normal but dress a bit sexier and tell your husband that you like to be noticed. Go out for drinks, then when you get home, get in bed with your husband, and describe to him, every look, every touch, every inuendo, and every flirt. Wear a light colored satin thong and leave that on, showing your wet spot to him as you tell him every detail of the men who bought your drinks. Dance with men too and describe how it felt to be touched! Watch what happens to your husbands cock. I bet you will be shocked at his erection! Just try it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2019): I really feel bad for you OP! I went thru this stuff with my former fiance. His confidence just seemed to disolve. He confessed to me and sobbed about my male friends, my male coworkers, my cousins who were men, and my nephews. He would ask me to not go around any of them and I tried to do what he asked, feeling sorry for him. Gradually I was feeling more isolated and was missing being around confident men. I started to dress to get noticed by other men, to feel the stares of confident men. I grew to resent my fiance and would find reasons to go for drinks with the men who were confident enough to ask me out! My fiance was small and sex grew worse and worse. I had sex with my manager at work, with two of my cousins and with two good friends of my fiances and ended up pregnant and married to one of them! I know what you are going thru and I encourage you to not get dragged down. Keep going out for fun with confident men and find one who will satisfy your sexual needs, as your mans libido is dying off! Hugs XX
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2019): Well the fact that his acting confident had attracked you, also works conversely. His lack of actual confidence had him believing that you had detected his lack! So he confessed his weakness, so he could appeal to your compassion. You do feel compassion, right now anyway! His low self esteem is going to get old with you eventually! You can only encourage him so much, and he is already trying to manipulate you from going out with friends, since he already knows that you will notice and admire other confident men! Your marital sex life will begin a downward slide. I imagine that you already notice a decline in quantity and quality of sex with him! More than likely your husband has a genital size issue fixation, which has him knowing that sex with him is truly not very rewarding for you. It is best for him, and you, to not let him manipulate you into staying home, when you want to go out for drinks, and that is especially true with your male friends! His crying will grow old, making you seek male company often!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2019): Perhaps your husband sees one or more of your male friends as a threat to the sexual relationship in your marriage. I would recommend that if you are planning to go out with a male friend or a group of friends that include other men, that you invite your husband to go along with you. Give him good sex prior to the two of you leaving for the evening. With him going out with you, he will see with his own eyes that your interactions with other men are innocent and free of overt flirting, even when alcohol is being consumed! Then upon returning home, seduce your husband and rock his world in bed! A few times of doing these evenings out, including him in the conversations and overtly flirting with only him, topped by great sex at bedtime, will build his confidence like crazy! He can build trust and peace of mind, on top of the foundation of self confidence that you have infused into him! Make sure to never compare him to ex lovers or male friends especially with regard to size, prowess, or stamina in the bedroom.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2019): It sounds like he really loves you,and wants to have a lasting relationship with you. It sounds like there is something in his past or childhood is the backbone to this problem. Also was he not as popular. Or does he think you are more attractive then him. This doesn't seem to be a huge problem for a loving couple that wants to together. Here is a thought. Go out with your friends and tie one on together, but make sure you two are in good moods first. Maybe have a quicke first. Most couples can make nearly anything work in a relationship if both parties are willing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2019): It sounds like he really loves you,and wants to have a lasting relationship with you. It sounds like there is something in his past or childhood is the backbone to this problem. Also was he not as popular. Or does he think you are more attractive then him. This doesn't seem to be a huge problem for a loving couple that wants to together. Here is a thought. Go out with your friends and tie one on together, but make sure you two are in good moods first. Maybe have a quicke first. Most couples can make nearly anything work in a relationship if both parties are willing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2019): It sounds like he really loves you,and wants to have a lasting relationship with you. It sounds like there is something in his past or childhood is the backbone to this problem. Also was he not as popular. Or does he think you are more attractive then him. This doesn't seem to be a huge problem for a loving couple that wants to together. Here is a thought. Go out with your friends
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 July 2019):
 Bring him along when going out with friend?
Maybe not EVERY time, but so he can SEE what you all do, who is there and fell like he is part of it too.
I think it's healthy for couples to have friends and a social life that doesn't JUST revolved around them as a couple.
Plan some outing just YOU and him. Try new things together. Date-nights. As for confidence, you can't FIX his for him, HE needs to continue to work on that. But I wouldn't start to isolate myself from friends because he is insecure.
Needing "personal time with friends" after an argument is not really helpful either. If I was mad at my husband I wouldn't NEED to go out with friends. I might need a little space and quiet and then address the issue with him. But I understand that people work in different ways.
Is he seeing a therapist? Because it seem a bit "much" to be crying because you went out with friends. Maybe it's something to consider.
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