New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login240518 questions, 1065007 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

My husband is constantly looking at other women and doesn't even try to hide it

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2016) 9 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2017)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My husband constantly looks at other women not a slight glance a full look , and repeatedly looks at same woman if we are out on a social event . I feel very upset by this as surley the woman in question can see that he is with me yet still looking at her . We have 4 children together . This has always been an issue for me . I would not care so much if he glanced and looked away but he holds his gaze , don't know what to do . Makes no difference how much I care about my appearance .i always try and look my best . Have lost weight, gained weight it makes no difference it's like he's never satisfied happy with what he has . How do I accept / deal with this .

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (4 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHave you spoke to him about this. Next time he does it speak to him LOUDLY and ask darling why are you staring at her when I am right here and give him a big smile.

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2017):

Not surprisingly we have the usual 'men can't help themselves' excuses in several of the replies which is pretty patronising to us guys actually. Everybody notices an attractive person but it is good manners, consideration and just downright respect for your partner that your noticing doesn't become leering or inappropriate staring. This should be part of your love for someone that in their company in particular you just don't do it. Sadly some men don't want to grow up and show their partner this level of respect and consideration and want to carry on their immature fantasy world - their loss. There are plenty of men out there who do manage to look without gawping. I hope you find one.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2017):

This whole thread makes me so depressed about the nature of men . Why can't they put their woman's feelings first instead of a quick desire to look at a random woman's ass . It's so callous and makes me think the average guy has no empathy for what is women go through on a daily basis .

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2017):

Men can be so stupid in this regard! How terrible when your guy checks out another woman's ass when she walks by! Like you are an ugly, worthless piece of shit. At least that is how it makes us feel, right? It is a tough cross bear for us women and we will have to deal with it until the end of time. It will never change. Men will always look. I am actually well above average in looks. Men have walked into doors looking at me. Significant others have slapped their men when looking at me. I have seen it. And you know what? It makes ME feel bad for these women that their boyfriends or husbands can be so blatantly clueless and thoughtless!! I mean, sneaking a peek is one thing but ogling is quite another. Some men are oblivious! Women do look at other men but not to the same extent and we are not as obvious. We have more tact! That is for sure.

And as attractive as I AM, my boyfriend DOES look at other women, whom in my view, are much less attractive than I AM. And yeah, I will admit that pisses me off. He is not blatant about it or obvious but I see him doing it from time to time.

So, our instinct is to get back at them. Make them jealous. Fight fire with fire. But what does that do? It shows them that you are bothered and likely they will keep doing it because deep down, they love to know you are insecure. It boost their ego's. Men have very fragile ego's. BUT if you want to play the game, take it to the other extreme. Show him it DOES NOT bother you. Continue being proud of you and knowing you are beautiful. And don't give a shit. And I think this reverse psychology will stop him. He will see that it has NO EFFECT on you, and he will not do it anymore. Or if he does look, say something to the effect of... wow, she has a nice ass. Or she is quite attractive. If I wasn't straight or married... well.... LOL

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Just realize that most men are pigs this way. Just the way it is. Sad, but true.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Slippers  United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2017):

Do unto him which is dun unto you

So basically give yourself a mental month emotional pass to stare at all the good looking guys and smile friendly .. if he has a reaction to it then you sit and talk if he stops doing what he does then you stop . If he doesn't continue do a tiny sigh as well and when he say what . Say just thinking . When he says what about . Laugh a little smile a little, an look the other way and say ,oh nothing much . And then change the conversation to something anything .

Stop letting him dictate . Yes people look at the opposite sex it's natural and normal however if it were me I say oo honey want me to get her number . Absolutely disgraceful and down right insulting to you .

So that's my tuppence worth hope it helps

Happy new year

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2016):

Yes, men look at women of course they do, but the considerate ones either do it quickly or surrepticiously. When a look turns into a stare that upsets you, then it is an issue. It not only makes you uncomfortable, but possibly the woman being stared at too. It would be an issue with me too. I do not look at a man thinking about sex with them, or checking out their body, unless I know them and fancy them. I don't believe men and women are the same in that regard.

Anyway, you can't stop him and it sounds as though you've spoken to him about it. I was with someone like this and it destroyed my confidence. I ended up wearing things I wouldn't have done normally just hoping he would look at me for a change. Turned out, he was doing it on purpose to make me insecure. Well, it worked. Also made me very unhappy and I left. I guess, as you can't stop him, you have to decide if you would be happier away from this torment. I know I was.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2016):

Men are visual creatures so they like to look, but it is good manners to avoid looking when you are with your wife or gf also to avoid looking when the other woman is accompanied by a male partner,besides you could get a beating if you do.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2016):

Denizen agony auntStand on his foot when he does it - hard!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 December 2016):

olderthandirt agony auntThe facts are as follows; Men will ALWAYS look at other women. Women are beautiful and we love the fantasy of "what if". I'm sure if you examine your own feelings you'll find similar "thoughts" It's natural to fantasize as long as you don't act on the fantasy. As far as how he feels about you. I'm sure if he is still with you he still loves you whether you've put on an inch or two or not. Don't think badly of yourself. Human nature is to look around all the time. Accept that we all have faults and you'll be more likely to know his love is for you and no one other. In the end that's all that matters.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "My husband is constantly looking at other women and doesn't even try to hide it"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.03125!