A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Help!!! My husband is an "island"...doesn't need input and doesn’t need anybody “telling him what to do”. There’s no sense in discussing anything with him because, by the time he brings up a subject, he's already thought of it and has the "solution" to which he expects immediate agreement. If I raise a concern, ask a question, or make a suggestion I’m dismissed and he accuses me of "always wanting to complicate things". If I say, let’s put it on the table and talk about it, he says “not now, maybe later”.Our only daughter is getting married and, having moved from our home state 15 years ago, we will have up to 30 guests from out of town at hotels nearby. We have a nice 3 bedroom townhouse and are known for rolling out the red carpet to family and friends who visit us each year. Most guests will arrive Thursday and Friday. The rehearsal/dinner is Friday and for the Saturday reception we are having a cocktail hour before the dinner/dance where everyone will have a chance to meet and socialize.I have no objection to our (up to 30) loved ones coming by the house after they check into their rooms on Thursday and like good hosts, we'll have plenty of food and drink…stockpiling wine, beer, sodas.But he's nominating himself social organizer. He’s already informed me his mom and sister agreed to entertain at our house while we're at the rehearsal/dinner and "we'll have everything ready for them to have a cookout for everybody". When I reminded him our daughter, MOH, and BMs (six in all) are staying with us that night and will need to prepare for the ceremony, his remark was "what difference does it make - they (visitors) want to see her and meet the bridesmaids anyway?" We want everyone to have a good time so I had agreed early on when he 'told me' we'll host breakfast at our house on Sunday after church (the two of us will prepare). But HE's pissed at me because I'm not wild about the idea of inviting the out-of-town family and friends to come over after the reception ends at 10:30!?!? I’ve seen how drained parents who host other weddings are that night and I don’t know why we would be any better off. I’m not throwing out the idea, however, I suggested we wait until then and invite a smaller group if we’re up to it.Wasn’t it enough that he insisted we invite his uncle, aunts, a second cousin and their spouses from another part of country...none of whom would know our daughter on the street…reducing the number of guests of the bride and groom? No, he has the audacity to suggest his parents would rather hang out at the house with the relatives on Friday than participate in [their only grand-daughter's] wedding rehearsal/dinner...commenting "how difficult can it be to say, it's your turn and have them walk down the aisle?" Although we’re paying a premium price for the DJ to keep the group engaged and having fun, my husband said he will take the microphone and thank all our guests for coming. Super!!! But why is there a need to walk around to every table while our guests are eating dinner so he can shake the hand of every person there? Is this our daughter's wedding or is her wedding a disguise for his family reunion? By the way, when we were married he told me our reception is a party and he would be spending the time there with his friends. We were twenty-something then, so I chalked it up to being immature.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): This was minor issue to be solved within. diffrences in the opinion is fine. no two people can think same on any topic and that is beauty of maried life. you both complement each other. Some he may do right, some you may do right and some you both make mistakes.
so do not break you head on worrying on it. Best of luck to your daughter's marriage. I wish her a great life.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Sometimes the best way to fix someone's problem, is to become there problem...how so???Your hubby is an island...so an island does not need help. You make dinner? Don't, he can do it. He brings up a topic, walk away, he doesn't need your answer.Every time he ask what's your problem, your say... you should aleady know, you seem to know everything else.Men need to feel needed, if they don't, they work a little hard to try and feel needed.The old saying...be careful what you ask for...island man.
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A
female
reader, LoveIsStrongerThanPride +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Wow, I don't think he takes weddings seriously? Regardless, you are his wife and that is your house too. He should sit down and talk to you before he plans life changing events in your home. I think as you said it will be exhausting to come home and entertain further, hopefully the relatives will be too tired.
I think you should tell your husband that communication is the biggest part of a relationship and that you feel neglected that he did not talk out these arrangements with you before he planned them. Now that he already invited them, I guess you have to deal.
Congrats to the bride and good luck!
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