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My husband is addicted to porn and pics of really young girls

Tagged as: Pornography, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 March 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 17 March 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my husband is addicted to porn and he also looks at pics of really young girls, how can I help him?

hi every one, for most people, I have a perfect relationship, and to some extent i believe it. me and my husband are in our 28-29s and been together for 3 years. he watches a lot of porn, and I used not to have an issue with that until 3 months ago i found that he had tons of pics of young girls, as young as 12, and yes, i mean they do look like 12. Let me clarify that these pics are not illegal, meaning the girls are not naked, there is not sexual activity, and they are easily found in the internet and presented as "legal", you might call them "young models"

i confronted him about it 3 months ago, he admit it is a problem and he promise he would stop. but I can not and I should not be looking at every site he visits on the internet because I do not want to control him and I do not want it to control me

i have two issues, first, I despised him for watching at these young girls, I take it personal! what is he thinking when we make love? what does he want? besides, I think he is depressed, because he has been failing in school, not working for 3 months just because he oversleeps to every appointment he has.

I really want to help him, he is a wonderful person, but in the way I also feel hurt. I feel that I am not enough motivation, or that he does not really love or is committed to "us". please help

View related questions: addicted to porn, depressed, porn, the internet

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A female reader, sadokwife United States +, writes (17 March 2009):

I am posting because I too am married to a man who looks at teen porn, even more disturbing is I have a 16 year daughter who lives with us. We have discussed this, he promised it wouldn't happen again, seemed sincere, and today I found more pics on the computer. This pics could be my daughter they wear their hair the same, and look like her and her friends. I'm totally freaked out.

I can't even talk to anyone really for fear that child protective services would be called.

We are in our 40's, he just turned 48. I don't think he has ever acted on these fantasies but I'm to the point that I'm so disgusted I don't know if I can stay married to him. I really need to talk to someone who understands what I'm feeling.

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A male reader, Harry Castle United Kingdom +, writes (16 March 2009):

Harry Castle agony auntThepolice in the UK would take a different view on the legality f having images of 12-yhear-olds, clothed or not.

Sorry, "satin", I have great respect for your normally sound advice, but please don't reach for the divorce lawyer just yet.

Your man URGENTLY needs help: get counselling for your relationship and therapy for his obsession, especially the young, and illegal, girls.

You should not have to police his activities, as you rightly say and this is a trust issue: unless you feelthat you can trust him, or even that he can trust himself, your relationship is at risk - counselling again.

If you love each other, you will get through this, but not by doing nothing. Get things moving NOW, and get the best help you can.

Good luck, and let us all know how you get on, please.

Harry.

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A female reader, pinkgoblin15 United States +, writes (16 March 2009):

pinkgoblin15 agony auntYou might want to make sure that he is "addicted" to porn as you say he is. Because why bother with some sicko if he's lying to you so he can have a excuse to look at pictures of 12 year old girls and sleep in and such. If your sure I would suggest you and him both go to therapy and stop the madness before your marriage ends.

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