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My husband invited his cousin to visit, but I want to get to know him first!

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Question - (28 February 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 3 March 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

My husband and I have been married for a year and he has invited his cousin that he has not seen for years to come over for a couple of days to our house. I don't want him to come until I get to know him first to see am I dealing with. Is that OK or should I just let a complete stranger to me and maybe my husband come to my house?

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A female reader, juliagulia United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2006):

juliagulia agony auntI can see why you would be a little put off, but how are you supposed to meet the cousin if he doesn't come and visit? It is rather rude to ask him to rent a room instead of letting him stay with you. I don't think you really have much control over this situation. This is your husband's family and he is likely to get defensive if he thinks you are insinuating that his cousin may be an "undesirable" lurking around the house stealing stuff or whatever. If an issue arises while he is there, then bring it up immediately. But for now, if I were you, I would try to loosen up a bit and give the cousin a chance. I think I would be very upset if my significant other made a big deal of my cousin coming to visit me just because he had not met him yet. If your husband thinks enough of the cousin to invite him out, then you should try to give him the benefit of the doubt. (hey - that rhymed!) If you make a fuss, your new husband will think you are questioning his judgment. Just one person's opinion, though. If you really feel so uncomfortable, maybe you should try to talk to your husband about it a bit and see if he can ease your mind about it....

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A female reader, smeedle United Kingdom +, writes (1 March 2006):

smeedle agony auntTell your husband your issues around his cousin staying but remember it is his home to and although you are right in being cautiouse about this cousin it is not asking too much for your husband to have a guest to stay for a short period of time.

But why was this cousin not at your wedding?

Tell your husband that you are ok about the cousin staying but put a time limit on it and tell your husband that as you feel uncomfortable about him staying in your house and him being a stranger, that if he does anything that worries you further the cousin goes into a hotel for the durtaion of his stay.

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