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My husband has no desire to have sex with me...

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 January 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2010)
A female age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My husband does not desire to have sex with me, a few years ago. We have it , like every 3 months, if I ask. When I'm naked, he does not even look at me, not looking bad. Some extra weight, but man always looks at me, when outside. I do have a sexually appealing body, no bragging. So, I never thought about any other man, I believe in a long term relationship, and this one is 23 years long. But what can cause this, and does it makes sense to stay, if it is like that at the last few years? What is the right thing to do? Where is it going? Thanks

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (28 January 2010):

DoubleM agony auntAny of the reasons "CaringGuy' mentions could be the case. But in my experience, the other glaring possibility is simply something called 'familiarity." It is the situation whereby couples settle into "one way" to make love most of the time, whenever it may occur. The answer may be, unless one of the previous suggestions are the cause, is to "spice things up" a bit. Add the element of surprise. Add oral, if not already the case. Offer sexual pleasures in surprising locations - in the bath, the shower, the kitchen, the car - anywhere! Experiment with positions never or rarely ever tried before. The answer may be adding variety, in my opinion.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010):

In my case I just got tired of my wife taking me for granted. We have been married almost 12 years and the she came up with only 2 ideas that might spice up our relationship. And they were both pitiful. My favorite saying from her is do what you want just don't wake me up. After a lot of begging she finally tried a vibrator and now she can have an orgasm which is a good thing. But now she'll get mad if I move and make her loose her "spot".

So now I'm very bitter and I'm not really interested in her anymore. She never wanted to get naked and her favorite come back is I never said no. A blow up doll would have been just as good. The thought of having sex with her just brings up bad feelings. So ladies if you act like my wife then you just might end up with a husband like me.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (27 January 2010):

You need to talk to him. When a man ins't interested in sex, it's usually one of the following things.


Another woman

Erectile dysfunction


So I think you need to sit down with him and gently try to find out why it is he's seeming so uninterested. Tell him that it's affecting your relationship and you would really like to get closer to him again. Maybe he'll open up a bit more.

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A female reader, Gridrebel United States +, writes (27 January 2010):

Gridrebel agony auntYou need to rule out the obvious such as is he having an affair? Has he recently begun taken any new medications that might affect his sexual desire? Is he healthy? When was his last medical check up? Have you asked him (VERRRY GENTLY and non threatening) why he is not interested in making love with you any more? This might give you a lot of insight. He might be experiencing erectile dysfunction (e.d.) and doesn't want to admit it.

How is he in other aspects as a husband? Is he attentive to other needs that support a strong and healthy relationship? If after analyzing all this, and if it appears he has just lost interest in sex, stop pursuing him. Start dressing a little sexier, especially at home. But don't do it with the intention of leading anywhere. When you hand him his dinner or a glass of wine, do it slowly and look at him and smile. Let him know he is the apple of your eye but don't pressure him. Do a little dancing with him. Start going out in small groups with friends and be the life of the party. Make sure he is proud of you as a partner. Also, quit walking around naked. Always wear some sexy undies or nighties. Cover yourself up a little. Throwing yourself at a man doesn't always get his attention. They love a challenge and want to be in control. Let him "conquer" you. There are really a lot of things you can do to spark his interest but you need to get some answers first. If sex is the only thing lacking in your marriage, consider yourself lucky. Lack of sex is not a good reason to leave an otherwise healthy relationship. Also, if he has e.d., then he can get Cialis or something medically approved by a doctor and, you all agree that it would be a good idea.

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