A
female
age
51-59,
*old hands warm heart
writes:A few years ago, I found a hidden stash of Cialis in my husband's suit pocket hanging in the closet. I felt and heard it when I was putting his laundry away. I never said anything because I didn't want to embarrass him. But, then I found a stash in his briefcase. An alarm went off. Why was he taking them to work? Then I found some in his travel bag. I finally asked him and he said other medication he was on was interfering with his performance and Cialis fixed that 'problem'.Over time, I noticed all the Cialis is gone from his hiding places. He told me recently that he stopped taking it and the other medication, so he no longer needed it.Today I went to use his mouthwash and I saw a partially closed USPS envelope under the sink. I looked inside and there were two packets of unopened Cialis. The slip inside said he just ordered it in November 2017! Two months ago. Why is he lying about it?Now I'm suspicious and went through his suit jacket pockets to see if he was hiding opened packets in them again. Oddly enough, I found a little empty black velvet bag, the kind used for jewelry. He rarely wears this jacket, but had just worn it several days ago. I haven't received any jewelry, and he has never given me jewelry while wearing that jacket.I can't check his credit cards because we have separate accounts that are password protected. He gets all his credit card bills sent to a PO Box near his work. He says he does this because he pays his bills at work where he keeps a running spreadsheet.Am I being paranoid? Should I question him? Should I ask to have access to his credit card information? I just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 February 2018):
 So have you made a choice with WHAT you want to do?
IF he is proven to be cheating?
A
female
reader, Cold hands warm heart +, writes (21 February 2018):
Cold hands warm heart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo update, I just discovered one of the boxes of Cialis is missing from under the sink. The only answer is he's taking them to work in his briefcase again. From what I read about Cialis, it starts working 30 minutes to two hours after ingestion. I've decided to hire a private investigator. Showing up at work won't tell me anything as he works with mostly women and owns the company.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2018): He is a known liar (lied about things before)
And everything looks fishy.
Start collecting evidence. Try to get bank account statements etc
Then blindside divorce him before he does that to you.
Jewelry suggests he loves the woman, and she is not merely a fuck buddy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 February 2018):
I think first off you need to decide that IF he is cheating WHAT DO you plan to do?
Do you plan on leaving? Divorce? OR to just suck it up and stay?
I'm asking because you have to decide if this is a deal breaker or not.
If the two of you are not intimate anymore, there is no need for the Cialis, right?
Unless he has been prescribed Cialis for other reasons. It can also treat high blood pressure in the lungs (pulmonary arterial hypertension).
Though from what you write it's more likely that your husband ED and hair-loss is from lowering of his Testosterone levels and for that Cialis is pointless. BUT it does help men maintain an erection.
You said he ordered them, so they are NOT prescribed by a doctor? I'd venture a guess that it's NOT a good thing to take medication without your doctor approving it, but I supposed that is another kettle of fish.
Having his bills go to a separate PO box is what makes me think something is realllllly fishy here. It's not so he can GO to the Post office and pick up the bills an pay them at work. Come on. He could as easily pick them up at home and take them to work if that is where he pays them.
That excuses is about the lamest I have ever heard. I would be concerned because you have no idea HOW many credit-cards he has out there! He could be bringing the two of you into insane debts. And you would be none the wiser (for now).
So yes, I do think you should question what's really going on, but BEFORE you do that... I think you need to figure out WHAT you want to do with the knowledge you find.
You say you have separate accounts, does that mean you are financially independent of him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2018): That all sounds very suspicious for an affair. Either hire a private eye for proof of his infidelity to get a good divorce, or attempt marriage counseling if you forgive the cheating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2018): Always trust your gut instinct.You have that for a reason.You know in your heart what is going on..act accordingly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2018): I don't have old hands. Yes, I'm in my 50s, but I do look like someone 15 years younger. Swear!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2018): We don't have 'intimacy' like we used to. I'm in goodish shape, better than him. He has faked orgasms in the past, and blamed it on medication for hair loss. But, he also lied about a woman he hired to be his Vice President!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2018): I do think it is suspicious that he brought cialis in his briefcase (why would he need it at work?) and that he didn't confide in you that he needed to take it. Perhaps he uses the black jewelery bag to store more pills. Either way it seems off and I would be suspicious too, but you don't have proof yet. I would certainly do some detective work at this point, maybe show up to his office or other locations where he should be unannounced and just have a look around. Maybe ask a good friend for help and advice, and ask her to keep her ears open for rumours around town. Sounds like he is cheating IMO but it COULD be that it looks bad but he actually isn't cheating.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (3 February 2018):
 Your gut is telling you something is not right so I doubt access to his credit card statements will give you peace of mind. You are clearly on a hunt for proof of his infidelity and will not rest until you unearth evidence.
You don't mention how your relationship is. Are you still close? Is the relationship intimate? Is it affectionate? Do you do things together? Do you go out together?
I think you should attack this "problem" on two levels:
1. Sit your husband down and tell him you feel something is not right between you. Tell him you do not want to lose him and would rather try to work things out.
2. Try to improve your relationship so that your husband realizes what he stands to lose if he IS having an affair.
Basically you have lost trust in him and need to rebuild this. Stop driving yourself crazy looking through his belongings for proof to confirm you are right.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Cold hands warm heart +, writes (3 February 2018):
Cold hands warm heart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI adore the title writer! Well done you!
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