| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hey, my husband couldn't have sex with me. It's been a year since our wedding and I'm still being a virgin , I want to experience it. He says that he has early ejaculation and erection issues too. He never really tried to have with me but he always wants me to do masturbation for him. It's sometimes annoying. I told him that we could see a doctor but he is not interested. I'm seriously down with this situation. And I don't know what to do. Is there any solution for this issue ?
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ejaculation, erection, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2017): If the marriage was arranged by the elders of the families and these incidents happen in arranged marriage and to be fair when both the groom and the bride are virgins and unaware of the problem before the marriage then the normal thing is to tell your mother and she will let your father know and they can have the marrige anulled.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 Very disturbing problem. He must go see a doctor. Or, as others have suggested he may be gay and just not care to admit it.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (1 February 2017):
Maybe he's gay or mostly asexual?
Freshly married in your early 20's should mean frequent sex, but without so much as a desire to fix his supposed problem (which I don't is the real problem) implies that he's not being truthful with you.
I would be honest with him and tell him that if he didn't seek a solution to the problem you'll have to leave him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2017): Hi sweetie.
Here is a true story.
I also had a husband with the same problem.
The difference is that I stayed married to him for 18 years. I was a virgin when we first got married and a virgin when we separated.
I wanted a child so badly when we were married and because my husband could not penetrate me, we went for artificial insemination. I got pregnant right away. And have a beautiful son. I was a virgin when I got pregnant and a virgin when I had my son. CRAZY HUH? Just when you think you are the only one or you have heard it all.... think again!
The first time I had intercourse was at age 45 with an older man. I am still with this man and am so thankful that I found him. I felt dead inside. Like I had all this passion and could not experience any of it. It was a terrible prison. But I felt obligated to remain married. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health.
Please do not make the same mistake I made.
I am finally a woman and I feel like a Goddess. Don't waste all those years like I did.
You are not too late.
You can get an annulment now.
I wish you well.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (1 February 2017):
There is more here than standard ED. Straight guys who cannot get an erection can still enjoy fingering or doing oral on their wife or girlfriend.
I'm assuming that him wanting you to "do masturbation for him" means that you are masturbating yourself, not you rubbing him. This could be about two things: 1) He is aroused by watching you masturbate, or 2) he knows that you need at least some minimal amount of satisfaction and does it just to placate you.
He is either gay, asexual or has severe arousal problems (well past what normal ED). He must know what is going on with himself and is hiding things from you. Simply telling you that he has issues is simply not truthful.
These problems are so deep that it is hard to believe they can be solved. The first thing to do is arrange for a appointment with a urologist or other expert, and BOTH of you go. If he doesn't refuses, then it is time to get out of this relationship right away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2017): Your marriage has not been consummated; so you may have to get an annulment.
He's quite young to be having ED, and something tells me he might be gay and using you as a beard (a person of the opposite-sex used to hide your homosexuality). Many cultures force males to find wives once they reach a certain age; so maybe this is the case.
You can't just accept it; because your marriage is not a real marriage if he doesn't wish to make love to his wife. If he knew he had a problem with impotence and premature ejaculation; he should have told you that before marrying you.
It must have been a whirlwind-romance rushing into marriage; for you not to know anything intimate about the man you agreed to marry. He had no right to withhold such information. He knew you would want sex in your marriage.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 February 2017):
 Are you sure he even WANTS sex?
A guy in his 20's with erectile dysfunction, but who CAN get off by YOU manually jerk him off (I f understand your post right) can have sex if he wants to.
Besides, there is more to sex than penis in vagina, does he do any of that to you? Foreplay? use his mouth or hands? If not then the only reason I can see is that he DOESN'T want sex.
If you are not happy with this you need to speak up or you will end up in a lifetime of a sexless marriage. (or however long you last).
Either he goes see the doctor and DO something about it OR you will have the marriage annulled.
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A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 This is a difficult one. There is only a solution if your husband admits he has a problem and wants to do something about it. I expect he is embarrassed about going to get professional help, but without it you are not going to have a proper sex life together and the marriage will fail. Perhaps he needs this stark warning to concentrate his thinking. I hope you can at least get him to admit he needs help, because a healthy sex life is crucial to a happy marriage, especially when you are both young.
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