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My husband has ED only during intercourse

Tagged as: Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 December 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 20 February 2019)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I wonder if anyone has any insight or advice to offer on erectile dysfunction.

My partner and I met while I was leaving an unhappy marriage and he was in a sexless marriage.

We fell in love and are now living together.

My children are living with us apart from alternate weekends and one evening during the week. All are doing well and we seem to be settling into a lovely routine. My ex husband and I are both making sure that we are being the best parents that we can be, we are actively co parenting.

His situation is not so good. His ex wife is understandiably really pissed off with him. They both knew what was happening in their marriage but didn’t acknowledge the problems.

Since he moved out his children have had no encouragement from their mother to have or maintain a relationship with their father. Unsurprisingly one of his children won’t come to our home at all. He gets hysterical at the thought of being here. Recently my partner and his ex wife have started talking about working together to help their children with adjusting to the changes that are happening.

My darling partner can get and maintain an erection during all sexual conduct except intercourse. I don’t know what to think, he tells me that he wants me and we have lots of fun in other ways, I just don’t understand why this happens the moment he tries to enter me?

Please if you have any experience from either side please let me know what I can do to help?

Thank you for reading x

View related questions: erection, ex-wife, fell in love, his ex, moved out, my ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2019):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey, thank you to everyone who took the time to answer.

Just wanted to update you in the weeks since then.

I really thought about what you all had said, and you were so so right. My poor love had been dealing with so much, and he is the kind of person who will always put others first.

We talked about everything, our worries, our fears, our plans etc and just got even closer for it. But I still couldn’t bring myself to mention “that” because I am so in love with him and our sex life is so varied and amazing that I didn’t care about it from my point of view.

However it was really a problem for him, but he eventually spoke about it, and we kissed, and said we will never keep anything secret again

Probably not going to surprise any of you but very soon everything was happening again! I’m not going to lie, I cried and cried after, I was so happy, and we have gone from strength to strength.

I’m so grateful to you all, sex is such an important part of our relationship, especially when everything else is so difficult.

Thank you all xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2018):

Well he did tell you he was in a sexless marriage....I guess now you know why it was that way.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 December 2018):

Too much on his mind is the problem. Read your post, you've answered your own questions.

He's living in his head. All his problems come to mind when he's able to keep still in a quiet setting. A bitter ex-wife, and troubled children. How can a man feel intimate when his family is a mess? Comparatively, you have a much better situation. He's mentally-exhausted, and over-tried by his old domestic situation. He has maladjusted children who refuse to accept his divorce.

You need to plan for a romantic vacation. You need to put distance between you and all his problems. He and his ex may never reach the adult civility that you and your ex-husband have reached. He left a bad marriage; and his children were messed-up before the divorce. They only got worse because of it. Then all that musical-chairs with keeping kids on weekends and such!

It might take a little time for them to get adjusted; and before he is able to concentrate more on his new relationship.

It might be too soon after leaving his wife; and his ex is making sure she keeps turmoil in his life to prevent him from feeling more intimate and settled into his new relationship. He doesn't have ED; if he can achieve a full erection. He has a head full of problems; and probably could use the help of Viagra or Cialis; until he gets his kids and ex under control. His problems keep him limp and unable to fulfill his male duties.

He should get a full physical-examination; and also be checked for diabetes. Don't overreact about sexual-performance. You'll do more harm than good. A penis is not a mechanical-device, it's a body-part.

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