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My husband doesn't like blow jobs! Am I doing it wrong?

Tagged as: Health, Marriage problems, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 June 2017) 11 Answers - (Newest, 19 June 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I know this may sound odd, but my husband hates blowjobs. We've been together 8 years now, married for 2 and it's always been the same since I've known him, he's never enjoyed me going down on him.

I have only ever gave 1 guy a blowjob before him as I was really young when we got together, but that guy completely enjoyed it as normal, not once did I feel like I did anything wrong until I met my husband..

I've asked him about it plenty of times and he's told me a couple different reasons why he doesn't like them.

Once he said he just feels like he's degrading me/disrespecting me because I'm 'not that type of girl' and I'm too innocent (even though I told him I don't feel degraded at all)

And another time he told me the tip of his penis is way too sensitive and he's constantly worried it's going to hurt.

I can't help but think it's me, I feel like I'm doing something wrong because I'm inexperienced with it.

Do you think he's actually telling the truth?

I've never heard of a guy hate blowjobs like ever..

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (19 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI have heard from plenty off men that they don't like them. Just most guys don't admit that, because its not the manly thing to do. Honestly all men are not the same and they don't all enjoy or dislike the same things. Trust what your husband is telling you and do stuff that you both enjoy.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2017):

A guy here,

I don't like it too because I do feel like it's degrading. It might be old fashioned but we're all different.try using lubricant and stroke him from base to below the head of the penis... Avoid the head as it may make him come too fast (no fun for you:( ) it's just as arousing but without it making him feel uncomfortable.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (9 June 2017):

I don't particularly care for blow jobs, mostly because I want to see the woman in an equal role rather than a submissive role. Also, I would never want to take cum in my mouth. A lot of guys absolutely love blow jobs but I look at them as a sign of domination and even disrespect for women. I know, those are undoubtedly erroneous assumptions in many cases but that's how I've always felt and it is probably how your husband feels, as well.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2017):

If he doesn't want a blowjob (it's a job, not a "that type of girl thing")! Don't give him one ??

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (7 June 2017):

chigirl agony auntI'd take his word for it and just leave it at that. Not all men like blowjobs. Men aren't generic, they're individuals too, you know. They don't all have to like the same things.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017):

If someone tells you that they don't like something, how much does it take to convince you they don't want it?

He is your husband. He has a right to not like blowjobs.

Sometimes it tickles, and that lessens the pleasure.

Perhaps it might be your technique; but he added yet another reason. At least he discussed it with you. Most guys won't.

He offered some plausible reasons. He is conditioned in his thinking that it's not something nice-girls do; so he is uncomfortable taking it from his wife. Prudish maybe, but it is what it is. All guys don't like oral-sex on women. The horrid things women must think when that happens! Women don't like their husbands or boyfriends watching porn or masturbating. Here's just another take-it or leave-it situation in a relationship. Odd as it may seem.

Accept it, and please him and yourself in all other ways. Don't turn this into a bone of contention (pardon the pun) between you and your man.

Everybody has their dislikes that may stray from the status quo; and sometimes flexibility and compromise just isn't on the table. Surely you draw the line and set some boundaries sexually? If he respects you; he'll also respect your wishes. If something doesn't feel good to you, what's the point of doing it? The pleasure must be mutual! It's sex!

I like them, but wouldn't fret if my boyfriend doesn't care to offer me one. There are so many other ways to please me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017):

Not sure if it will help or not. But when I married my husband decided I needed some instruction on ''how to'' do it. Because I was clueless about it.

He very kindly told me to think of it as an ice cream in a cone on a very hot day. And to ensure that I paid particular attention to the sides of the icecream cone.

And to do so slowly at first. Then build up with most emphasis on the cone part initially.

I did appreciate how patiently he taught me.

Perhaps in the past your husband has had some bad experiences?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (7 June 2017):

CindyCares agony auntYes I think he told you the truth.

It's not the majority, but I know , and I know of, a few men who don't particularly like BJs and don't find them pleasurabe / exciting , for a variety of reasons.

Same as, they may not be the majority, but tere are several women who do not enjoy receiving oral sex.

We are all different , unique individuals in ref. to our sexual preferences; don't overthink it.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntHe may feel that it's degrading, even if you don't, so he just doesn't like it and that's okay. Stick to things you both like :)

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 June 2017):

Honeypie agony auntJust like there are women who aren't fans of oral there ARE guys who don't enjoy them either.

Though I don't agree that it's "degrading" to you, that is HOW he thinks. And that is hard to change.

So stick with hand-jobs (if he likes that) and whatever else you two BOTH enjoy.

It's not that you don't do it right, he just isn't a fan.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2017):

N91 agony auntI know what your BF means.

I don't enjoy them as much as some of my friends make out they're as good as.

I too find it slightly sensitive at the tip of the penis and it just doesn't feel very pleasureable really.

I can take or leave them, I've not heard many of my friends say the same, but there are definitely guys out there that don't particularly enjoy them.

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