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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I am 40 years old and a housewife. I have 5 kids their ages being between 2-20yrs, been married for 20yrs. I'm unhappy at this point because my marriage has always been the same...taking care of the kids and my normal house routine. My husband and I never have any kind of communication. He always wants things his way. He doesn't want me going anywhere. For instance if my friend has a birthday party, he thinks I shouldn't go alone if he's not with me. I am faithful...but it seems that he doesn't trust me. I've never done anything of the sort for that behaviour...and to me doing the same thing over and over with being home all the time...frustrates me. But he doesn't see it that way; he thinks that he's providing the necessities of a household and that only material stuff counts. His social life is not good as well, he doesn't really have friends. When I'm home...he doesn't even bother with me, he's either in 1 room watching movies...and I would be doing housework.When I say anything, it results in a big argument...and sometimes he hits me. And after a week, he would be all nice and want me to sleep with him. If I refuse that's another argument but he doesn't seem like he would change...I feel like a slave!Now I'm at a really tight spot because I want to get out of it but I worry about the kids. I don't know what to do...please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (18 February 2006):
 You need to leave him, but you already know this, this is what you need to do:-
If you have family or friends go to them, if you are brave enough get the police involved and make a complaint, then get an injunction out against him, but if you think he will prevent you leaving or hurt you or the kids then
Ring the domestic violence help line that you see in the phone books, on posters in doctors and in clinics, or just go into local police or citizens advice they will give you the number and all is completely confidential.
You will get to speak to someone who will take some info from you and will give you support and advice, you will then be able to plan your escape.
Refuges are wonderful places and they give you the help and support to start again without this man, you need to keep yourself and your kids safe above all else.
Your kids will understand and will one day thank you for keeping them and yourself safe.
If you can kick him out all the better as you have a legal right to stay in your house until the kids leave school, he cannot sell the house and if it is council have a word with the families officer at your local council they will transfer the tenancy into your name.
You will be entitled to benefits so go and get help on doing this from the CAB.
Kick this man right out of your life, anyone who treats you like a slave and then beats you like one needs help but not from you, stay safe, stay strong, there is help for you out there and you deserve happiness.
A
male
reader, GodofGraphics +, writes (18 February 2006):
 You should confront your partner about this,and maybe seek professional help with your marrige if you both see it as a problem and want to stay together.
My opinion is you should never stay together for the sake of the children. If you are unhappy, then do something about it. Remember it's your life too, not your husbands, and not your kids.
My parents separated when I was 4(my sister was 13), and we both are alright with it. Both my parents are happier now.
GoG
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