A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for 14 years. We are both re-married with children from our previous marriages. Over the past few years our relationship has been going downhill fast. We hardly communicate anymore, there is absolutely no intimacy between us anymore, not even as much as a kiss. I believe my husband has lost interest in my and is not attracted to me any longer. I have unfortunately put on a few pounds with age but I am still the same preson he fell in love with. I am always trying to loose the extra weight to see if he will love me again. My husband is constantly making comments about other pretty women he see's in when I'm around and it hurts. He never makes positive comments about me. His personal hygeine has gotten really bad over the years. He only washes once a week. He wears the same cloths and underware all the time and he smells really bad. I have tried every approach I can think of to get him to realize he has a problem but he only gets angry with me. I don't even want to go out with him to public places including my family's home because of his appearance. He also treat's my daughter like an unwelcomed guest in our home. She lives with us. If my 20 year old daughter is home, he watches her every move like he's waiting for her to do something wrong so he can give her heck, other than that, he doesn't acknowledge her. I hate the way he treats her and so does she. She has tried to have conversation with him, he doesn't respond. I thought he might be depressed but he's extremely happy around other people and alot of fun. I'm now thinking about councelling or leaving the relationship. I'm feeling so confused. Can you help?Just last night I tried to calmly discuss matters with him and he ended up screaming at me which made me uncomfortable. So I stopped talking.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Your husband is abusing you and in such an abusive relationship , you are the loser . The only way to handle him and to make him listen to you is to leave him alone , get out of his life and let him realize that he cannot treat you this way .When he is all alone without you , he will realize your worth and how much he needs you. He has taken you for granted .
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): Its not fair for him to comment on other women being pretty in front of you, and than be a slob himself. You are at least trying and willing if possible to loose the weight you think you need to loose.
Try going to councelling with him first, and than by yourself if he wont go. Although tt sounds like he is the one that needs it more, but it might at least give you more confidance if you do decide to leave.
There may be something else going on in his life that is pulling him down, such as work, his family, or a health issue. If you have gotten to the point were you feel you have done everything possible, then the only thing left that may make him realize what he is doing to you, is going to be you leaving. Maybe not divorce yet, but maybe living seperatly for a while.
Believe in yourself and good luck, I know its hard!
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