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My husband and his friend have a strange relationship. Is this a cultural thing or bisexual thing?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 January 2019) 5 Answers - (Newest, 8 January 2019)
A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello I have been with my husband for two years. He is good to me and treats me well. We have culture differences and maybe that's what I am trying to understand.

He has alot of friends but one is very close to him. If his Male friend jokes around he spanks him. They sit together and look at his cell phone. When I'm not around they share the same bed. My husband walks around in his underwear and tends to bend over on front of his friend alot. Also seems to adjust his junk alot. It is almost like hes trying to get his attention. It's very difficult to set h. I have asked my husband if he can quit walking around in his underwear and adjusting his junk so much but he tells me this is normal in his culture. His friend acts feminine high pitched voice and behaves oddly.

Is this a cultural thing or bisexual thing ?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2019):

That is very odd behaviour. I would not be comfortable with this friendship at all. In fact, I'd insist that hubby drops this friend asap!!! He is a threat to your marriage!! Men can be just as much of a threat as women!!! Looks like your husband likes to dabble with men. You don't know he's not dabbling with this guy. I'd be very careful of him sticking his dick inside me after potentially sticking it up some other guy's ass!!

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (6 January 2019):

chigirl agony auntIt would help to know what culture they are from and what culture you are from.

But generally speaking, culture isn't as much involved in this I think, as just their upbringing and matter of time they have been friends.

If they have been friends for 20 years I would think it's become their norm. If they have been friends for 1 year I would find this very odd.

Anyway, it doesn't mean they do anything wrong. It just happens to bother you. You have told your husband, and he dismissed your concern. Tell him again, and tell him it doesn't matter if it's normal in his culture. You don't like it, so he should respect your wishes and not behave that way in front of you. In marriage you have to adjust to each other, no matter what culture you are from.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2019):

It sounds as if he very possibly could be bi or gay. I can't think of any culture where this is normal behavior for straight men, no matter how close their friendship is.

He may be using you to obtain residency in the US or/and as his "beard". I'm pretty sure you know the answer to this already.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (5 January 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhat is your gut instinct telling you on this one? As you have taken the time and trouble to write in, you are quite obviously uncomfortable with this "relationship" between your husband and his "friend".

Does your husband work or are you supporting him? I ask because, reading between the lines, it sounds like you have been used as a meal ticket/to get a visa while your gay and/or bisexual husband carries on his life as he wishes.

You have a gut instinct for good reason. You need to listen to it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2019):

Since there is no mention of either your or your husbands Country or cultures it us hard to say if this behaviour is a cultural thing or not but TBH I have never heard of a culture which has such thing as common acceptable behaviour. Do you suspect or have other reasons to believe that they could be having a homosexual relationship? It seems that perhaps they may have had something going between them before he married you.

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