A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Im so sad, very very sad, help me please. My husband is a cancer patient. Before this illness come, he is already soooo loud and so aggressive but it get more worst now that he is in this situation. My problem is, aside from being so loud and aggressive he is also always, like every minute of the day he is alwasy angry. He is angry in everything even its not necessary. Even the the driver on other car on the road, everything. Im so much tired of dealing with this situation. But i dont wanna leave him in this situation. I understand this all medication and chemo what he is having. I know this all makes him so much irritable but this is really to much hard for me. Oh people out there. Im crying during the time i am writing this. I really dont know anymore what to do. Going to doctors to get some advice i did already but didnt help. What should i do? I dont wanna leave him, but im really scared traumatic now in his behaviour. There is a moment that i wanna rent my own apartment and just visit him in our house for sometimes in a day just to have a space from him. But this is really gonna be my last option other than that dont know anymore. Please help me, what shall i do.. Im so tired, scared and so traumatic every time he will move his mouth i feel im already shaking.. Please help me, pleasee what shall i do... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2014): Have you tried talking to him about how his anger makes you feel?. I suspect he is also scared, he has been diagnosed with Cancer and this is a very frightening thing to be told.
I guess that you probably have tried to talk to him over the years so ultimately I agree with Marks comments.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (22 June 2014):
 If you can afford to rent an apartment close by, I think that will be your saving grace… I have implemented this myself and it worked for me. I believe it will save you additional stress, give you an escape from the abuse to recharge your batteries to tend to his needs. You are not abandoning him, for you need to preserve your sanity for the road ahead with a Cancer patient and eventually be there full-time. (Seek Cancer support groups for spouses of Cancer patients…)
Alternatively you must take a holiday, go visit someone and then return home after a few days! When the pressure builds up again, you take another short trip and so on.
Be that he is an aggressive man prior to receiving Cancer, of course we can accept he is now angrier due to his illness. But in effect he has not really changed a great deal from the person you knew before, except he definitely needs caring and will need proper nursing later on.
I wish you strength at this time – CAA
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (22 June 2014):
 if he scares you leave. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. I know he is going through a bad time but taking it out on you is not the way to deal with it/ You haven't caused his cancer so you should not be in the situation he is putting you in. Realistically, if he was aggressive and dominant before, he will continue to be after his treatment too. You are living in fear and treading on eggshells which is not right, nor fair and clearly having a negative impact on your health and mind set.
Theres no excuses for making you fear him.
Mark
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