A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, about 7 months ago I caught my bf on dating sites we had since then worked through the problem, kinda. I could not stand the not knowing so, I installed a key logger on our pc. Nothing happened until recently. All of the sudden he is staring at his ex gf profiles and signing her xxoo and HI :).... this program records all ims and she does not respond. I actually went as far to go on as him and talk to her. She asked if he was married yet and I said no.. she then stated she was considering marriage with the man she is with... I don't feel there is any danger of her being attracted to him.. but I feel betrayed that he just stares at her profile a couple times a day and goes to im her alot and does not write anything(as though he wants to)... He lies and says he does not even go on to yahoo im. I also feel justified in putting that thing in as he will not communicate with me at all...its like i have to play chess for him to talk to me. How do you trust someone who has emotionally cheated and kinda is again.. maybe... its like i never know what is going on... please any advise would help. Do I come clean and call him out again? maybe over nothing or wait and maybe get my heart broken... again.
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ex girlfriend, his ex, the internet Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (30 January 2008):
 The more that I look at this page, the more I feel I gave you "not so good" advise.
If I were you, I would go with the advise that 'Minelisse' and 'Laura1318' gave you.
A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (19 January 2008):
 If you cant trust him (whether or not he deserves it) you will only hurt yourself.
The two of you need counseling (my spouse and I did 18 months of pre-marital counseling and it was wonderful). You need to learn how to communicate. It's something you have to practice.
It will only get worse over time. If he won't go with you, go without him. (And maybe if he won't go with you, you might want to consider working toward breaking it off. If you can't talk to him, and he won't talk to you, then you're going to be pretty miserable over time.)
Good luck hon. Tell us how it goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know why I didn't see that myself.. I guess it just takes someone else pointing it out. thanks for the help !
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 In war, you should know your enemies strength and secrets but you should not expose how you got those secrets. That is the power and advantage you have over your enemy.
Most men think talking to the ex is nothing. They are just being civil and friendly with each other.The fire has gone out of them.But girls see things differently and are very sensitive and jealous of their b/f talking to any girls or their ex.
Minelisse has written a very excellent reply and I do agree with her 100%.You need to give them some personal freedom or they would feel very constricted .
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Hi there...
The truth is there is nothing wrong with talking to his ex! There was a relationship there and he might have a million reasons to talk to her other than going back. However, you apparently think there might be something there and that is either:
1. Insecurities.
2. Something else happening between the two of you that makes you not trust in him.
The truth is a relationship needs trust to build and grow. If your relationship lacks trust then you are going to start arguing over little things, you'll see a woman every turn you take, he will know you are spying and feel betrayed, then you will feel bad because you spied but then desperate if you didn't.
Is a huge big mess that can not be fixed without sitting down and talking and deciding if you should or not trust him. If you decide you shouldn't, then why stay in that relationship? If you decide you should, then do, and take that key thing out!
The truth is hun, if he is going to cheat, he is going to do it whether you spy or not. You might be able to know it sooner if you spy but the effects on your relationship on the long run will be far worst. Living with that constant worry of being caught and of looking everywhere is no kinda life. I'm not saying eyes should be closed, but relax a little and if you think he will cheat on you, move on!! There are better houses available and some of them even have ocean view!
Good luck!
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