A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My Grandmother has recently fallen into a depression. Her best friend (my godmother who had lived with us all since i was born) passed away a year and a half ago. Also all six of my nans grandchildren (including me) have moved out now. One of which fell out with my nan while she was ill and rarely speaks to her anymore.She lives on her own now and has become very lonely we all visit her when we can. I just feel so guilty i want to help her feel better. I am building a life with my boyfriend but feel awful for moving out. I hate seeing her so lifeless how can i help her? And how can i live my life too.
View related questions:
best friend, grandmother, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2014): Consider finding your nan a companion. There are organizations that offer visiting companions that help with housekeeping, running errands, and keeping the elderly company.
Often elderly people fall into depression when their spouses and closest contemporaries pass on. The finality of never seeing them again has a profound effect on them. The grief can be almost crippling. Being younger, you may handle it better; but she is seeing everyone she cares for moving on and she is too old to have very much to look forward to. You don't mention her age; but I can presume her to be in her late 60's and 70's, or older. People individually handle grief differently. We all don't get over the loss as quickly. When everyone is moving away or passing away; that doesn't leave her much to be happy about. Especially if she knows no one is going to come see her that often.
There are reputable agencies that put caretakers through a very extensive screening process, and find companions that are compatible and have impressive credentials. These people take care of lonely elderly people and this often prolongs their vitality and good health. It takes loads off your shoulders. If she receives retirement benefits or living supplement; her health-coverage may have allowances for it. I don't know what the UK has to offer, but you have socialized medicine; so you should look into it.
You should not feel guilty, because you have to have a life.
Older people need care and they need someone around they can talk and relate to. We get so busy with our own lives that they are often forgotten. That's what they fear most.
It should be a family-effort to see she gets medical-care and treatment for depression, if everyone is aware of it.
She is the reason you all exist on this earth. Why should she be left behind? Falling-outs with stubborn old people is foolish. They are old-school and set in their ways, it doesn't mean they love you any less. It is love that often makes them so tough on us. Even if they are totally wrong.
For the time-being, you should all take turns for caring for her. Who else can she depend on?
Grandmothers and grandfathers are often used as ATM machines,for free daycare, and a place to live when people are down on their luck. When death is at their door, the family circles like vultures to see what insurance claims, valuables, and inheritance awaits them. Where is everyone when these older people are alive and lonely?
How soon people forget all this, when they decide it's time to move on?!
As you move on, do whatever you can to see someone checks on her and gets her to medical appointments. Even if you have to seek help through social services for the elderly. At least get things in place to see to her care, and you can move on free of guilt. You all owe her at least that much, you lived in her house, probably ate her food, and surely accepted loans when you needed them.
|
