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male
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sparky
writes: I have recently started dating a younger woman (she's 24, I'm 32) that I am now in love with. However, she has a hard time communicating anything with me... when she has momentary issues of self-confidence, she completely shuts down, and has even started crying, without even telling me why. She has a tendency to be submissive with men (which I don't like), and I am afraid she has done things in the past she's ashamed of. She says she hasn't, but I can't understand why she has such a hard time communicating... it's like she's the guy (closed) and I'm the girl (communicating). I'm starting to get anxiety and suspicion about it all which I hate because I am a trusting person. Am I crazy? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, sparky +, writes (15 January 2006):
sparky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for being straightforward, and I appreciate your kindness.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  + ♥, writes (14 January 2006):
 Or, to be blunt, she could have had things done to her. Indeed that sounds like the far more likely explanation. Something is obviously eating away at her core. It is entirely possible she has been the victim of some kind of sexual crime and feels a sense of shame over it as often is the case, like somehow it is 'her fault'.
Even if she has done things she is now ashamed of that is now in the past and she is with you now. You need to create an enviroment and an atmosphere in which she feels safe to talk to you. She needs to be reassured that she won't be judged, that you wont reject her out of hand. She will need allot of love and care to fully open up to you. To provide this you need to put your insecurities aside and focus on loving her and gently coaxing her to communicate.
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