A
male
age
30-35,
*hoff
writes:How can I prevent it ending over something I have no control over!? She resents that I had a past life, where admittedly I slept around with many women I could just for kicks and for self esteem. I changed. Meeting her and starting to go out with her was the point where I realised that I didn't need to do that, that I could just be happy with who I was. I focused my energy on work and her. However the problems I had caused myself with my past caught up with me, and I recently found out I had failed my second consecutive year of university. In particular she resents that I had sex with an aquatence of hers who is especially undesirable, and she knows intimate details of the encounter. She uses this information to ask me hurtful questions about the incident, and uses it as ammuntion as to hate me. Numerous people I've asked have pointed out she's being immature, but she's only 18 (i'm 21), she has fair reason to be angry. She frequently felt very upset over the summer so far being that we were unable to see each other much due to her restrictive family. She is currently holidaying in spain, and upset turned to hate as she told me that she'd been thinking and all she could think about is me and other girls in the past. She now hates who I used to be, and professes that I couldn't change. I have changed, my loving caring treatment of her shows that. Please can anyone help me or give advice!?
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immature, self esteem, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): She is controlling and angry person. I see my wife and some of my previous girlfriends in your post. I too shifted my focus from my studies to my previous girlfriend but after years, the investment never paid off.. so I lost my time in the end.Now I'm married to a similar woman who has the choice of either trying to better herself or look at me to criticize and cry murder everytime I do something she thinks is not right *=(instead of loving me and understanding that all of the rest of the planet do exactly as she would do in such circumstances). I found out that she had been beaten up by her dad when young, maybe even abused, who knows. She's the youngest of her family. Whatever she ever wanted, she used to get. She is so controlling it's unimaginable. She left me numerous times but this time I made a girlfriend who accepts me as I am and backs me up. She understands how I feel.... It's the hardest thing to find those kind of people but once you do, that is the reward. I once asked a psychologist who told me that for each person in the world, only 10% happen to be compatible. No wonder I've been looking for so long!Good luck. Leave her and stick to your studies. This one will never stick for you unless she seriously start working on herself. If she believes she has no problem, then it's a fool's ball. good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): If you end it, it proves her point. Let her snap then explain why you don't want to be with her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): Give her time. She sounds really afraid you will treat her the same way as the other girls. She's holding back emotionally and I bet if you dump her, she will properly be relieved in a way
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (7 July 2010):
 Deep down, she's probably worried you'd treat her and other women the same way, i.e. as a convenience. She's taking her insecurity and jealousy out on you, for no apparent reason.This doesn't justify her behaviour in the least, though. If she refuses to acknowledge you've changed for the better since then and continues to take her jealousy out on you, it would be best to end the relationship.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 July 2010):
Time to leave this pessimistic little girl. She probably thinks you're too good to be true and right now she's pushing and poking at you in hopes of finding out she's right. Being right is more important to her than your love. So stop trying to prove her she's wrong because she will keep baiting you.
The way she's treating you is completely unfair. Stand above that crap. You have your pride and it's not worth being stomped over by her.
Next time, when she puts you down, tell her:
"I can't convince you I've changed. You're so sure of yourself. There's no way you could be mistaken. You're right, everyone else is wrong an the world is made of pain. Well, the world has beautiful, lovely things to offer too, but it's your choice to look at the negative side of things. Right now you are sabotaging this relationship with your negative thinking. Not me. I can't change where I'm coming from, but I can change where I'm going. If you can't accept that, there's no future for us."
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 July 2010):
 I don't know if this is your original title but it implies she hasn't broken up with you yet. Misery needs company so your only purpose in her life is to enable her to hate. She has a distorted image of you. You can continue this relationship with her for 50 more years, be faithful to her, and still she will tell you you will never change. Every time you two go out and there are other girls around, it's the end of the day with an argument. When I read about her restrictive family, I know why. She could be brainwashed about how men are. Poor thing. Only her father is a good guy. All other guys are super horny, sexual devils even Jesus can't save them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): I wouldn't call it off just yet. Why not try evaluating your habits just to be sure. Do you EVER look at girls, even celebrities? It could be killing her self esteem. When you see her naked, pretend you are amazed, like seeing a girl for the first time. Tell her she is the prettiest and sexiest. Show her that she is not only your last...but your BEST.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 July 2010):
Yep. End it with her. Check out 'retroactive jealousy' on this site and many others. You can't change your past, and she can't handle it. It's a disaster waiting to happen. This shows that she's in no way ready to commit, and is still too immature to understand what relationships really are.
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