A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I caught my fiancee trying to cheat on me. She'd been cybering guys on the net for a while (one on which worried me because he was a local) I told her this upset me but just accepted it as a bit of fun. I told her not to give her phone number to anyone and keep it online. She started searching through all my stuff accusing me of looking at porn and threatening to break it off with me. I started looking at what she'd been up to and got the shock of my life. Not only had she given her phone number to this guy but she was begging him to leave his girlfriend and sleep with her. She was trying to get him to message her when he was in town so they could meet. I confronted her about this and she lied and lied and lied. When I told her I knew she turned it around and blamed me for not giving her the attention she deserved. I can't prove she slept with him but I can prove she was trying to. What do I do? we have 2 children together. I don't know if I can trust her. She hasn't even tried to make it up to me.
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 At this point, your relationship really has problems. She's not taking responsibility for her actions. Blaming you is a way of justifying what she did to herself. "If it's not my fault, no one can blame me."
You may not have been giving her attention, but her behavior is separate from yours. She can only blame herself for trying to cheat or cheating. She can't blame you. It might be she has communication difficulties in a relationship, if so, it's still her decision how she deals with the issues.
Some professional helps is needed. Not just to help heal the damage, but to bring the honesty and trust into your relationship. It can't grow as long as responsibility is not being taken.
A
male
reader, benefattore +, writes (19 October 2008):
 Leave her. She's obviously not in love with you. It's just that simple dude.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): I don't think you should trust her. It seems like she was looking for a way out when she accused you of the porn. If you don't have trust in a relationship then you have no basis on what to go on. It seems like you're both wasting energy pointing the finger at eachother. It sounds like she's not happy with you so she's trying to find it elsewhere and when she got caught tried to blame you. If she wanted your relationship to work she would have talked to you about her feelings instead of trying to go out and meet these guys. Children do complicate things but staying with someone just because you have children together is not a legimate reason to stay with them. You BOTH deserve to be happy.
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