A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend for 9 months, we met in the health club we work at (I'm a physical therapist, she's a yoga instructor). Things have been great, but their is one HUGE a problem, she's 10 years older than me (I'm 26,she's 36) and she treats me like a child. Like yesterday, we were both doing something (I was playing online), when she called me to do some chore that she could have easily done herself. I got annoyed because you can't pause a game when you online, and started questioning why she just didn't do it. I was already annoyed because I wanted to play basketball with my friends, but she wants to watch a movie with me, but she always ends up falling asleep on me and the movie. So I was already a bit mad but I did the chore anyways, and then I asked her if she was even planning on watching the movie, so that I know if I should look forward to it or just head to the court with my friends. Then she said " it depends on your attitude". This isn't the first time she said this, acted annoying and then put a condition on something where supposedly my "attitude" will either ruin everything or have me get my way. So I told her fuck it, grabbed my shorts and told her I'm gone. I also told her she could go to sleep, because I will be playing ball for a long time instead of watching the movie and having sex with her. It happens so often, we have a argument before something that she knows I care about ( going somewhere, going out with friends, whatever), and then she pulls this ultimatum "either behave" ( yes, she says behave) or we are not doing it. Then I tell her to miss me with that bullshit. Then our arguments switch over to work, I'll say "how you doing today Ms.Luna" at work and she'll be like "oh so I'm ms.Luna now!! You wasn't saying that last night". Things like that make me not want to be with her but I am in love with her. She basically takes care of me, she buys me most of my professional work clothes, she has helped me deal with patients. She makes me a better person, but I need advice on how to deal with her treating me like a child??
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male
reader, Wulf +, writes (14 May 2018):
Reading these comments im sorry a sensible person wasnt able to get here earlier. U playing the video game is time to yourself. A man can play the game. It doesnt matter if a grown woman doesnt "see it as an adult activity." Playing a video game is more interactive and beneficial for your brain than watching a movie. This has been proven multiple times. A man did a TED presentation on this very thing. If you pull your weight and do your part around the house u have the right to your "me" time. If she could have done it she should have. Im sure u dont ask her to do things u can easily do, right? And about her buying u clothes. Thats entirely her choice. She doesnt have to but she does. A wife does things like that. I buy my woman clothes... doesnt mean im gonna "father" her. Its idiotic to think that way. U get irritated by her taking time away from ur social life and ur friends by watching a movie she wont sit through. Then gets upset when u go on ur own anf play ball? Now that my friend is childish. She brings up the "if u behave" clause as she looks down on u. No woman has the place to do that to her man. Shes with u, u are her equal. She should act the part. From what u gave me, it appears that she is controlling, narcissistic, maybe slightly vindictive, and selfish. What should u do? Demand the change and dont stand for any of her antics. If she tries to argue before u go do something u enjoy ignore her. Thats narcisistic behavior. She will hate it if u dont react as she cant feed off of u. And if nothing works jus leave. Yes it will be hard. It will hurt. But, u deserve better. Not a nagging, pessimistic woman that will cause u a lot of stress and "loss of self" in the long run. Im currently going through this. I notice when i dont react when my woman tries to force reactions she ends up depressed. Literally if she cant feed off of me she gets depressed. And its crazy as i swear i read this article before and was confused about whether or not it applied. Now i see it really does.U are doing fine. From what ur telling me u have done no wrong. Shes not "behaving" by not being a respectable and honorable spouse. Yall are equals. If she cant treat u as such she doesnt deserve u. Period.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 January 2016):
 Oh sure, you want to be the child when it's beneficial to you, but it isn't so nice when you get asked to do a chore while playing games?
You want to be treated like an adult? Act like one. What are you doing letting her buy you clothes, like she's your mommy. Helping you out like a mom would help with homework. Come on, you're asking for it. Most adult women do NOT consider online gaming an adult activity or an activity worth respecting like you can't be interrupted while playing it. If you can't pause it, and it means so much to you playing that you can't risk just dropping it, then you should either find another gamer girl to be with who has the same passion for it as you do, or stop playing such games.
Just my personal opinion, of course, but when someone puts a GAME, especially a computer or similar game, ahead of real life people, I get annoyed. I don't know any mature adults who would do that.
As for the fighting though, you seem just as childish as she is by playing mind games and doing tit for tat and do the silent treatment towards one another and the punishments. You always get in return what you send out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 January 2016):
 I'm with Auntie Cindy,
She mothers you, because you act like a bratty kid.
WHY should SHE do all the chores because you want to play your online game?
I play online games too (and I'm older than both of you) but my game play doesn't supersede chores and REAL LIFE things that need done around the house.
YOU allow her to (as you put it) TAKE care of you. She BUYS your work clothes? Seriously? Scrubs can't be THAT expensive!
Do you also LIVE with her? She pays the bills?
You have a wonky relationship BECAUSE you act like a teenager and in some ways TREAT her like a mom. SHE treat you like a kid because you ACT like one.
Let me give you a light-bulb moment, son....
Maybe if you start acting like an EQUAL partner (in chores and everything else) she will start treat you like one?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 January 2016):
 Yes, she is mothering you. But maybe she would not have to, or would be less inclined to do so, if you acted more like an adult rather than like a bratty teenager.
Like, having to be " called " and urged to do chores. Of course she could have done it herself, the question is, should she have had to ? Why ? Unless you mean she is ALWAYS resting or dozing belly up, and wants you to do ALL the housework, otherwise then it's normal that you should split chores and that you should do your part. And that you should do it when it's opportune and required. And it's also normal , for adults, to put first things first, also known as work first play later , which MAY , at times, also interfere with a leisure activity. Aww come on- what she " interrupted " is ... that you were playing online ?!! Unless this was the only chance you get to play in 6 months or so - hey, she did not took you away from a long awaited, once -in- a -lifetime rock concert or sport event !
Don't you realize that you sound just like a 14 y.o. who's aggrieved because mommy does not let him watch cartoons all day but wants him to take the thrash out ?....
Ditto for the movie night. So what if she falls asleep on you eventually; the point is not that she is there to entertain you. You've got the movie itself for entertainment. The point is that she wants what's normal for a couple- some " couple time " ,a time for closeness
( physical as well as emotional ) , for intimacy, cuddles, quiet conversation or also companionable silence.
The movie is the occasion, or the excuse, for relaxed togetherness; the equivalent of lighting up a nice fire in the fireplace and watching the flames while you hold each other in your arms.
Again, a hyper teenager will have a problem with this type of thing- because if there's not always something " fun " going on every single minute of the day- they get boooored , and they sulk.
This does not mean that you have to give up your friends, and your hobbies and sports ; neither at your age nor at any age. But if you want to be part of an adult couple, you work your friends and stuff into, or around, your schedule as a couple. Yeah, it takes a bit of planning and of organization, you can't leave all haphazard, spur of the moment like, again, teenagers love to do.
Finally, are you surprised that she does not want to do things with you if you are going to be sulky or snarky ? Really ?... I think it's perfectly normal. It's the same like you not wanting do things with her if she is going to be bossy or preachy. Where's the difference ?....
(... The difference is, alas, that in the world of a young person- but very young, i.e. younger than 26 and with a steady job and all... ) ..... everything is about THEM and what they feel perceive think desire and prefer . Never a moment to put themselves in the other person's shoes and see if ...mmmhhh, yeah, maybe, once in a while there's to respect and reckon with what the other person feels perceives etc. ).
Unluckily, you are right in saying that she is acting like a parental figure, and this might end pretty soon with sinking the relationship, because it introduces an element of power struggle and ranking competition between two people who should be and feel equal, and because it turns her from an object of desire into a mother figure- and moms are nice ,loving, cozy... but not " hot " , not erotic ( well, unless you have a huge Oedipus complex maybe ::)
But, it takes two to tango, and maybe she would not have to act like this if you met her half way. She would not have to be Mom if you did not embrace so fully the Child's role.
In short.... pardon my bluntness, I don't mean to be rude, but.... 26 ?!... It's high time to grow up. In general anyway, and more so in particular if you plan to carry on a r/ship with this older woman.
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A
female
reader, Honest-Lu  +, writes (13 January 2016):
You are not going to like me after this but I only do honesty!
After reading this it sounds like you are acting like a child. Being in a relationship means you do things for each other weather you like it or not. My husband asks me to do things for him I hate but I do it because I love him vice verse. Your 26 playing games and moaning because you can’t pause it? You need to get a grip. Maybe you’re not ready for a relationship and need more time for your friends and video games!
Like slippers said arrange a date every week or so where you have a date day/night with her so she will feel like you’re spending time with her but in your defence she doesn’t need to understand that you need ‘your time’ too !!
Good luck for the future !
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (13 January 2016):
Here my two cents and you might not like it so apologies in advance here .. :)Your allowing her to mother you .. she buys you your clothes your work gear etc . And if you live with her . I don't see " why" her ringing while your at home to get some things done is a bad thing . Okay it spoiled your gaming but your acting like gaming is the world? That does come over as very immature .Maybe, you should have a schedule where one week it's movie night .. next out with friends .. but if I were with you and you were narky and that's how you come across .. you wouldn't get asked again and I would be considering whether you were with me because you love me, for my wicked sense of humour (I do have one haha) the fact I make you go weak at the knees when we kiss .. The fact we share awesome conversations, do stuff together, that I'm kind and caring, loving etc ..You say you love her ..but for all material reasons .. things she buys you ..dealing with other people at work .. not what she brings to you on a personal, intimate level ..As a mental health nurse .. I can say, that you yourself have pegged her into this motherly role .. so instead of moaning about some silly chores you were asked to do (glad you did them) make a plan together as a couple of what's needing done .. what can you do to carrying your own weight within the home .. what can she do .. when people are first together .. we're not mind readers.. unless we talk about these things then they end up blown out of portion than they need be.You do sound pretty nice guy though .. just don't let your frustration and annoyance set you off .. stand on your own feet .. its okay for her as tour partner to contribute towards clothes if you can't afford it .. but not buy your stuff . . Hope this helps .. take care .
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