New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login225920 questions, 982293 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

My girlfriend stayed out for the night and told me she had to share a bed with another man! This is unacceptable to me. What does everyone else think?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 May 2011) 15 Answers - (Newest, 1 June 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My partner went on a night out with her work mates and missed the late train back.

See was with two females and 1 male - so they got a family room at a hotel.

When she got back the next morning she told me she had to share a bed with the male to get some sleep and nothing else. whilst the other two girls shared another bed in the same room.

I think this is out of order.

I would have slept on the floor!!! but she thinks its ok to do this sort of stuff. Weve been in a relationship for 6 year. and shes only been working at this comapny for 6 months

What do you guys think?

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (1 June 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntas usual I agree 100% with chigirl!

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011):

Hi there everyone thanks for you response its good to have other peoples opinions to see what is good for a relationship and not.

I totally trust she did not do anything with the male, I just thought it would be nice if she did not sleep next another man (because im overprotective) i dont know the chap and my GF was a little nieve because she only knew him for six months. I have told her how I felt about it.

And were all cool - Forever hopefully without any more hicups!!

Cheers and wish you all the best

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Mickkiee United Kingdom +, writes (1 June 2011):

Mickkiee agony auntTo be honest i can see where you're coming from.

It's all about trust.

You need to ask yourself how much do you trust your Girlfriend, as you've been in a relationship for 6 months. i would conclude you have quite a trusting relationship.

My boyfriend had to sleep in a tent with three other girls on a camping weekened and i totally trust him because i know that he knows that if there was any reason for me to doubt him that the relationship would end and vice a versa.

I think that you should feel more inclined to look and say at least she told you, instead of you finding out from another source and therefore showing you that although she realised it was not the most approving position that she had the trust to tell you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

You're overreacting. If something actually did happen she obviously wouldn't tell you, and even if she wanted something to happen between her and her male friend then they would've gotten another room or done it somewhere else. But no, she just slept in a 2 double bed room. Where else could her and her work-mates go? Sleep in the street? Somebody had to sleep next to the male friend rather than make him or her sleep on the floor, thats just rude. They were JUST SLEEPING.

You're seriously overreacting.

You need to trust your girlfriend abit more mate, or just let her go and let her find a man who WILL trust and respect her decisions.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (31 May 2011):

chigirl agony auntIf this was a one time off, I say acceptable. If anything the man should have been gentleman enough to sleep on the floor, but he didn't. And even if you are able to sleep on the floor, not all people feel as comfortable with it.

If clothes were on, and there was no touching, and this happens only once a millennium and only when it is necessary, I say it's ok.

Look, it's not like she did it because she enjoyed it. If the situation demands it, we all need to cut some slack and do the best out of it that we can. Don't be uptight. You might have chosen to do something similar in one situation that she wouldn't have done, but you're different people. You can't demand that she would do anything just as you would do it, not can you demand that she runs to you to ask permission before every action she does.

I think her judgment was ok, as long as clothes were on and there was no touching/cuddling.

Just tell her it came as a shock, but the reason she told you is because she's faithful to you and wanted you to know everything so you aren't kept in the dark. This obviously isn't something she normally does. It was only what the situation called for.

Would you rather she paid for a room for her own? This clearly isn't worth the hassle to her, and you put more emphasis on this than her. Neither of you are in the wrong, but when in a relationship you accept each other as you are. Meaning, as long as she felt it was ok, and she is faithful in every way... why not trust that nothing was going on? She's not a possession of yours after all, she must be allowed to make her own decisions regarding her own well being.

You'd sound controlling and possessive if she had to tell them "Sorry guys, I need my own room/sleep on the floor because my boyfriend wont allow anything else".

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Eyespy17 United States +, writes (31 May 2011):

It seems nothing sexual happened since she told you abou it , but I'm wondering if she told you about it to make you jealous? Have you been giving her less attention and maybe this is a way to say "hey, look how easy I could have someone else?"

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

Atleast she was honest with you and told you . thats what matters the most . and she didnt do anything so its not exactly cheating or anything

i think it was honest of her to tell you :)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Drew21 Canada +, writes (31 May 2011):

Drew21 agony auntWell, the good news is she told you about it straight up. She didn't lie, she told you "I slept in a bed with another man, last night." I would trust her that nothing bad happened.

Now, seeing as how it bothered you, i don't think it's out of order for you to let her know that this REALLY bothered you, and you would appreciate it if it never happened again.

I'm sure she probably thought it was no big deal. I think it's because quite often women don't fully understand how the mind of your typical male works. This is why father's are so darned protective of their daughters, because WE KNOW what other guys are thinking and how they operate!

I would let her know how much this bothered you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Dear Mandy United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2011):

Dear Mandy agony auntHI

I think you should tell her to go and continue to lay in the bed with him, and move on. If my man said I had to sleep in the bed with a women, I would wear his balls as a hat .......trust me she is playing you for a fool. Find a REAL women, who knows how to treat her man.

x

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

Sorry, just to add to my last comment - my friends all told me I was stupid to stay with my bf and try and rebuild trust... but I really love him and think we can work in the longer term, so I'm staying with him. But, my best friend did say something that stays with me, which is, do you really want to be with someone who's behaviour you cannot trust when they are drunk? ...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

Ah, i know how bad this feels. My bf of 7 months did something similar to me a month ago. Drunken night out with male and female friends, I came round (at his request) the next morning, he was in bed with 2 female friends, wearing his boxers!!! Two male friends were asleep on the floor. He hadn't done anything like this before, and he made it clear that nothing had happened with the girls, although by the same token, he was really drunk and couldn't remember much :( One of the girls confirmed nothing happened, but then, she would say that, right?

It really shook me and really sucks. To this day, I don't feel comfortable when I go in his room, and no longer trust him as I used to. I made it clear it was unacceptable for me, and he apologised, said it will never happen again.

So, I guess you have to decide whether you can let this one mistake go? Is it worth trying to rebuild your trust in this girl? What are the pros and cons of leaving her/staying and trying to rebuild your trust? Only you can decide. But, if she is not acknowledging how hurt you must be and that her behaviour was wrong, I would be outta there.

Sorry you're experiencing this :(

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, macdubh712 United States +, writes (31 May 2011):

I agree with the answer that is posted. You will never know what happened between them. If she was a faithful girlfriend that had no intention of cheating on you then she would have placed her hind end on the floor if he was going to insist on sleeping in the bed.

Honestly I think she's trying to admit to you that she slept with another man without actually admitting to it. How does this benefit her? Maybe she's been wanting to break up with you but has been afraid to be the one to do it. Many people don't have the guts to do that the right way so they create a situation in which their SO breaks it off with them. This way, they can feel better about themselves. Trust your feelings; you know it's not right, and while I know alcohol affects your judgement first it should not be used as an excuse. We all know what alcohol does and if you know alcohol does that to you then you should avoid precarious situations with alcohol altogether. Just sayin...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

Back when my wife and I were dating, I shared a bed with another girl. All we did is sleep and it was totally innocent. However, I never told my then-girlfriend about it. I am curious why she told you about it. Is she hinting at something? Does she feel guilty? Is she afraid the other girls will say something first?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Cerberus Ireland +, writes (31 May 2011):

Cerberus agony auntThat's unacceptable to me too.

She went on a night out drinking alcohol with these people and ended up sleeping with another guy. There's a reason they call it "sleeping with" OP, because you don't have to have sex for that to be completely wrong and you'll never know what happened between them. He may have been trying it on, they may have fooled around, she may have been so drunk she really believes nothing happened but perhaps it did, perhaps he had a nice felt her up while she was asleep or took pictures or something. There are too many variables for that kind of thing to be okay, especially seeing as she only knows the guy 6 months. Who knows what he did?

I wouldn't be okay with my girlfriend sleeping in the same bed as any man, even her best friend who is gay. That's something strictly reserved for me or we would just never have worked. I have plenty of female friends I used to end up in bed with after a night out, we had a lot of fun fooling around too but I stopped all that and maintain very strict boundaries when it comes to other women. I will not ever end up in bed with one, as it shows the utmost disrespect for the sanctity of my relationship.

Other people may be different, have different views or be okay with it. Not me though OP. If I found out my girlfriend did that my trust for her would be gone because I trust her not to do that. I too am in a 6 year relationship, she wouldn't even presume to tell me something like that is okay, or explain it the way your girlfriend did.

But perhaps you didn't make that clear to her OP. If she thinks this is okay then perhaps you need to make sure she knows it's not. Unless she's ended up in bed with other men in all those 6 years and you've been okay with that. Well if that's the case OP then why would she think it's not okay?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

In my personal opinion I don't agree with what she did, I think she should have said she'd rather sleep with the girls in the other bed or slept somewhere else altogether.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "My girlfriend stayed out for the night and told me she had to share a bed with another man! This is unacceptable to me. What does everyone else think?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.203125!