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My girlfriend of 18 months tied me up in my sleep -- I was petrified. What do I do moving forward?

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2011)
A male Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My girlfriend of 18 months tied me up in my sleep as a "birthday gift." It was 7 days ago now, and I woke up with my arms and legs handcuffed to the bed posts; I had also been stripped, gagged and blindfolded. I had no idea where I was, my heart missed a beat and I think I nearly had a heart attack. I have no idea how she did all of that without me waking up -- but at the time I was so scared that was the least of my worries. I heard a door close, and hear the shower start -- I knew where I was then (home) because my shower has a distinctive noise when it start. After about 10 minutes, she came back out and pressed herself naked body against me, but there was little response from "me." I was still quite petrified. After a while, she did illicit a response from me, but she didn't breath a word the whole time. After I had orgasmed she kept going...and going...and going until she orgasmed herself. Then she did what I had been resistant too for a long time, but something she wanted -- me to give her anal which went on until she orgasmed...again. The physical pain was getting quite bad...she did lots of other stuff and then I started crying uncontrollably -- not from the pain, by and large, but from the shock fading and real fear setting in. She stopped, finally -- although I think she was getting off on my pain. It must have been 2 hours later -- who knows. However she seemed genuinely sorry and ended up crying herself; she really seemed to be under the impressed I'd like it/ did like it just because I orgasmed! I could have hit her -- and don't think it didn't cross my mind.

We had done bondage (nothing I couldn't break free of) a in the months before. However this was so out there...Anyway after about 2 days, I managed to hide the fact that I was/am traumatized and now she seems to think I'm fine now. I haven't been able to sleep for a week, and when I do doze off I wake up and end up in the fetal position. I use to love her so much, we were so close emotional. We're both majoring in chemistry, so she's smart, she's gorgeous, sweet and usually sensitive. What she did 7 days ago however, was petrifying and I really don't know if I can go on with her after it -- besides, I suspect it's completely illegal.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (24 January 2011):

dirtball agony auntI think you should talk this through. Be very honest about what you felt. Bondage can be a lot of fun, but you need to be safe too, thus safe words and what not. This was rape, pretty plain and simple. You might want to see a councellor.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for the advice.

I don't know what I'm going to do. We go to different schools, so I only really see her on the weekend...and I went to a buddy's house in the city this weekend instead of going to her place like I usually do. I really think what she did was unforgivable, and I think I should have seen it coming -- her...well, her sexual apatite had been really big lately...and I think I'm to blame for making it worse with the bit of mild bondage I introduced to the bedroom. She really got too into it...I made a mistake, now I have to live with it. Lesson learned.

I think "A female reader, anonymous" -- or whatever you real name is, is right, as spnwinchester and strontiumdog are. There is a need to evaluate this situation...and I cannot convince myself that she wouldn't do something awful again -- although that may just be my emotions talking. I don't think I'm going to press charges or anything like that...but I do think I'm going to press on in my life, without her in it...It's so hard because I really did love her...and by and large, still do...

This has been the worst week of my life...but thanks for the advice guys...I really appreciate it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011):

Dr.LanceMerryweather - if this post was by a female would your answer still be the same? Probably not.

If this really did happen then first you have to make up your mind whether or not she did realise you weren't enjoying it and carried on anyway or it if was a genuine misunderstanding. Which no one on here can tell you. If you think it was malicious then end it immediately. If there's any doubt then again it might be best to end it as I don't think you'll be able to forget it. If the relationship is really worth saving then perhaps get counselling. If you think she didn't mean it and regrets what she did then you're just going to have to give it time and hope you can both move on from it.

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A male reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2011):

Dr.LanceMerryweather agony auntIf this post is real - which is debateable - then I would say you are far too young and immature to realise just what a lucky guy you are, to have a young woman who is so adventurous and so resourceful to go to all that trouble for your mutual pleasure.

Time for some serious growing up, sonny.

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A male reader, spnwinchester Australia +, writes (23 January 2011):

Jesus christ, I honestly think the very vest possible thing to do is to make her read what you just wrote, because she NEEDS to know what she actually did to you.

Could you imagine if YOU did that to HER!? She literally raped you, be a man and take care of this.

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