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My girlfriend is pregnant but pushes me away. Should i just move on?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 August 2007) 23 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2011)
A male United States age 36-40, *ikucomp writes:

I will try and be as direct as possible. I dated a girl for 7 months. She had her own place but stayed at mine. I then sold my house and moved in with her on temporary basis. You could tell there was some tension after a month of the new arrangement. I then left to CA for a week and on my way back she tells me she's pregnant. We start preparing, looked at house, met her father, picked out names and then had to leave within two weeks for a month of work. Two weeks into my trip we got in an argument over the phone and she broke it off. She said that we were arguing too much and felt smothered. Which I can understand, but she was really just being difficult. I think it was hormones and all.

I came home two weeks later she picks me up from the airport we go to her house, all my pictures were up still, but she asked me where I was going to stay. It's been 4 months and we started talking again, but she is still being stubborn and doesn't want to even discuss us. In fact she has tried to reduce the 7 months down to just a few months of good times. What's crazy about all of this is her friends and family really liked me... they said "I was the best boyfriend she has ever had". They didn't see it coming either. We now talk only about the baby on the way and financial stuff. anything other than taht and she goes off the deep end! I don't know whether to move on or hope she get's past all of this. I truly love her and want to work things out. I can't see why she wouldn't even give it a try... we are going to be parents... Any ideas?

View related questions: move on, moved in

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A male reader, elnino1217 United States +, writes (29 November 2011):

omg it is a deja vus!!!!i thank god i am not the only one who is going threw this

for a male i am pretty confident with my look ,physique, i always attracted very beautiful women as we speak and as i am writing right now,i met this girl, we had so many personality problems in the beginning, she's very independent and she still independent,but over all the relationship was good, good enough to have a baby,right when she knew she was pregnant , she wanted to get married, i thought about it but i really agreed, i am 36 yrs old she's 33 yrs old,6 weeks threw the pregnancy!!!BOY OH BOY!!she became a lunatic,pushing me away, arguing with me about the stupidest thing that you can hear of ,she's about 16 weeks now, and the relationship have not got better, i sit there sometimes and i start sobbing,i love her and i tried to be there for her and the baby, i think also i started loving her even more when i knew she was pregnant with my daughter(ARIANA ELAINE:::))),I asked so many times why is she acting like a crazy?pushing me away ??,!!

SHE TOLD ME SHE DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHY!!!,SHE TOLD ME ALSO THAT WE R DIFFERENT AND WE CAN'T GET ALONG, and she kept saying it over and over till it made think very seriously about breaking up with her, SHE ALSO TOLD ME THAT I WAS SMOTHERING HER AND SHE NEEDS HER SPACE,AND SHE GOT A LONG A LOT BETTER WITH HER OLD BOYFRIENDS,but this women never had a living bf in her life till it was my turn , lucky me !!!!

bottom line, i feel that my relationship is i great danger, i really wanna hang around till the baby is born, and hoping that this is ONLY HORMONAL THING !!!!

i am writing this and i really wanna cry so bad because, the whole situation make me really sad and pisses me off!!!

i wanna be there for her , the baby , and i can't imagine her living me for someone else after the delivery, that will extremely devastating

SO WHAT THE HELL I AM SUPPOSE TO DO!!!

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A male reader, billy2010 Canada +, writes (27 February 2010):

maybe she is depressed man like wondering what the future holds and if your gonna be there all the time or taking off even though you have too for work she might jus want you all the time or your attention if she hasnt took down your pictures yet? maybe she is thinkin a lot about this or doesnt trust when you leave

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A male reader, futuredad27 United States +, writes (14 December 2009):

I'm going through the same exact thing but I think my situation she's 23 and I think she's worried about her friends judging her. She doesn't have a job she's going through a lot of changes I think it might be hormones but we broke up b4 she knew when she was pregnant. Then she went and told my fam that she was pregnant b4 tellin me.we tried one more time workin things out and then it went to crap and worse and worse and worse. All I get is short word answers. She picks up when I call but never carries convo. She never calls but prolly cuz she knows I will sooner or later.I love her and would do anything for her she knos that but keeps pushing me away. I give her 60 - 70 dollars a week for food and vitamins. I got a txt saying thanx last week. Yeah it was way worse b4 tho don't argue with a pregm woman. Its been like this for 7months. We both wanted the baby. she wants to have my fam and hers to get together for a baby shower...I dk wat to do I really want some advice I give her the space she asks.

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A male reader, futuredad27 United States +, writes (14 December 2009):

I'm going through the same exact thing but I think my situation she's 23 and she's worried about her friends judging her but yet she wants to have my fam and hers to get together for a baby shower...I dk wat to tell u just hope for the best

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008):

All I can really say is hang in there.There is a good chance that it will come back together.This child needs Daddy there as much as Mommy.Mums got the milk But Dads got something else I can`t really explain.If these kids grow up with out either they will have problems.Its best in my opinion to wait and do what ever you can to be with your child when he is here.Do not let the Grandparents push you/me away and they are trying.I just gotta tell em to but out and get control of this situation now or as soon as I get some sort of leverage.

Hang in there its worth it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008):

I am in a similar situation.I think that hormones are a good part of this.My ex is also about 7 months and Its the hardest thing that I have ever gone threw.I am being pushed away by her folks also.I understand that they are protecting there daughter and I forgive them for being so cold to me.Its up to her to decide what she wants to.I am just being patient because I know that stress is the last thing that she needs.I know the love I give her and if she chooses to stay away there must be a support and Love at the place she feels most at home.I was real scared I would not be able to afford child support and in turn loose a chance to bond with my boy but have recently found out that with the amount of money that I make it will only be about 75 dollars a week.I know that its my job to be there for my son and show him the compassion of unconditional Love that he may not get the chance to see from a family that calls the cops when I send flowers so I just go to work,pray and wait for this child to be born.My advice to you (the last poster) is to work save and prepare for Father hood at what ever role you get to have.Again this is coming from some one in very similar shoes.What do you think that I should do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008):

I am in a similar situation.I think that hormones are a good part of this.My ex is also about 7 months and Its the hardest thing that I have ever gone threw.I am being pushed away by her folks also.I understand that they are protecting there daughter and I forgive them for being so cold to me.Its up to her to decide what she wants to.I am just being patient because I know that stress is the last thing that she needs.I know the love I give her and if she chooses to stay away there must be a support and Love at the place she feels most at home.I was real scared I would not be able to afford child support and in turn loose a chance to bond with my boy but have recently found out that with the amount of money that I make it will only be about 75 dollars a week.I know that its my job to be there for my son and show him the compassion of unconditional Love that he may not get the chance to see from a family that calls the cops when I send flowers so I just go to work,pray and wait for this child to be born.My advice to you (the last poster) is to work save and prepare for Father hood at what ever role you get to have.Again this is coming from some one in very similar shoes.What do you think that I should do?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008):

well im going thru the same stuff. there is a few things that are diferent, like for one she is 19, i'm 32, her family don't get along with me at all, till the point that they hate me. we had some preoblems but nothing that can be fix, well a least that is what i think. before she got pregnant she was so full of love to me kisses ang hugs all day, thigs change it after we found out she was pregnant, well when she was 3 months due to a few problems she move out, 3 months had gone by we talk every day and we fight as well, we tell that we love each other, have conversation for 3 hours about baby stuff, about how will be if she were back, but also every day she tell me that she don't want to came back and that she love me but not to live with me. due to her family we have to see each other when no one know.

i have the feeling that is just the hormons and that this will be over soon, but in the other hand is been so hard to just sit and wait, i try asking her but that only result is a fight, i love her to deeply to let her go.

i cant keep taking this pushing back every day, well is this how is suposted be, i even propose her marriage she didn't say not but she say "i don't know" once again is this the hormones? i don't want to make a mistake and move on with my life and then find out that it was just the hormones, i want to stick around and see what it came to it but what about if after she still say no!!! any one of you can help out i'm so confused oh she is going to be 7 months soon.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008):

well, I am still new at this as this is my first experience at being a Dad 2 be.Tho Its been 6 weeks since the split and I only ran into her at the cafe.She would not even look at me and I had to leave because she was about to go and I want her to feel at peace with our mutual friends.Very hard situation.What a blessing just to see her.She is so adorable with her glowing 6 and a half month belly.Total Goddess.Boy I wish she would talk to me.Driving me a little bit loony but to be able to see her was worth the world.I still consider leaving an then coming back closer to the birth and hope I`ll be able to be part of it.Maybe cut the cord smoke that cigar.But I know every thing is just how it should be, its just hard.Thanks for the comment and I am going to stick with it.What ever it might be.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008):

you have to stick with it.

babies without two parents can turn and hate the parents for this after years... if they grow up having disadvantages it could be depressing. she is prolly just scared as to know if things will be alright.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008):

be very careful my brother.my ex got a temp retraining order against me for texting and bringing flowers.the judge threw it out but i have no idea what is going on~its been a month and the only tyme i saw her was in court.i hope your sich and every one elses is unlike myne but what i heard about hormones was a scratch on the surface.skate lightly my brother ,skate lightly.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008):

I have been with my girlfriend for a few days longer than she's been pregnant with my child. She seems to be pushing me away too- moving away from me back to her parent's and not replying to my txt's unless I remind her. She's also been foul tempered, nasty, generally unpleasant towards me. I have been kind, supportive and have bent over backwards to give her as much as I can. In normal circumstances a girl treating me in this way would have been out of the door quicker than a nun leaving a brothel. BUT she's pregnant with my child and I'm a bit stuck. I can't split up with her - I'd be the evil bastard who ran away leaving mum to bring up a child on her own. My family would resent me, hers probably wouldn't be too enamoured either. But I'm not happy - my girlfriend of a few months has been 'stolen' by my unborn child. I have very little left of a relationship - everyone else in my position is having a wail of a time, doing dinner, cinema, watching DVD's, having lots of sex etc. I'm getting next to nothing. I don't know what to do either my man! Thank god I've got some good mates and a can of beer in the fridge.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008):

I understand that. When she was my girlfriend she was great. When she found out she was pregnant she resented me. I tried very hard to communicate and be there for her but she just did not want me around. Sometimes I also think that she just wanted me to get her pregnant. I feel your pain.

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A male reader, oh brother United States +, writes (4 March 2008):

Hi I am going threw a similar situation.my gf left me about a week ago.up till then everything was good i thought.she is 6 months pregnate now and wont talk to me.one day it seems like we are getting back together then again she wont talk to me.this last episode seems to be the worst.we were myspaing each other messages(our only form of communication at that point)and she asked me to send her a romantic message.so under the gun i wrote"you are the cheese on my doodle"omg she flipped.so i tried to come back with something better and said "she was all these people put together" among other things.now she erased my myspace and wont return my calls.i realize they were not the most brilliant things to say but i love her with my whole being and now i think i lost her.her family does not like me to boot.so i`m sure they are telling her not to get back together with me.and she is close with her family.i think split to costa rico,hawaii,ect.but i dont want to miss the chance to be a father.and i believe these things that are coming up are very minor.except this one time when we first found out i said a really bad thing about abortion in the heat of the moment after finding out she cheated on me well before the baby was concieved. i know it was wrong and i did not mean it then and don`t feel that way now but after finding out she cheated on me i was hurt and wanted to hurt her.so i said the most hurtful thing i could.big mistake.she told her whole family what i said leaving out the part about what she did.either way i forgive her and she forgave me but she brings it up to justify breaking up with me.and of course her catholic family brings it up too.now i don`t know what to do.we were together 5 months after that fight and everything was good.till a week ago.i hope like everyone on here is saying it is just hormones and we can get past all this.if i get the chance i will marry her.i love her.oh yeah to the person asking the question:I feel you`re pain

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):

I have no clue; I am going through the exact same thing right now, so I'm guessing, though not extremely normal, that it happens... I've had the same feelings and good raport with the family and all too... I wish there was an answer, but she told me she doesn't even know why she is feeling this way. I'm trying to give her space, and talk to her when she wants to... This way, I'm not smothering her, and if love is patient like I've been told, things will work out for us. If not, I will truly be devistated, but the thing you have to remember more than anything is that you are the dad, and you WILL be a great one!

Good luck man, I feel your pain!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007):

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. My gf is doing the same thing to me, and your comment about how her friends and family feel about you is the same for me. Hang in there, and try to get soime descent sleep now, because when that baby comes good night sleeps are over.

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (28 August 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntI would have a serious chat to her and explain the money situation with her as it isnt fair on your to fund her life. Anything that is to do with the baby then fine. Ask her if there is someone else. She needs to be honest, if she isn't already.

xxxxxxx

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A male reader, mikucomp United States +, writes (28 August 2007):

mikucomp is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all for your responses. I am trying to keep an open mind. It is tough. Most of my guy friends think she has someone else and that is why she may be acting this way. I have confronted her/asked her and she doesn't deny it, all she does is get upset and say it is irrelevent what we do since we are not together. Is that girl code for Yes she is with someone else? I just don't want my family and I to be surprised at the hospital nor do I want to keep paying her bills if she has someone else who can do that. With that said I am still more than willing to pay for anything with the child, but just not her personal finances like I've been doing. Thoughts?

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (28 August 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntPregnancy is a very stressful, emotional and confusing time for a female. I am seven months pregnant myself and its like being on a rollercoaster with the way emotions can change with the slightest change of hoemones.

Is there anyway you and her can sit down and talk on a one on one basis about how you both feel. Ask her why she doesn't seem to want to give it a go. You need to be there for her and your baby whether you get back together or not. So it would be better to get the questions/feelings out now so with whatever happens can be dealt with :)

xxxxxxxx

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A male reader, metalinvasion92 United States +, writes (27 August 2007):

metalinvasion92 agony auntMy brother is going through the same thing right now. and its just hormones and the fact that she is going to have a body come out of her...well you know....so dont be stubborn or anything to her.....actually wait til the baby is born til u talk about you guys again. Her anger comes from her pregnancy rite now so dont take it personally because its not. good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007):

She sounds scared and hormonal. Being pregnant is not always pleasant, and it is frightening what your body is doing, feeling ill, getting fat, knowing you will give birth, a child on the way, she's not married, probably doesn't feel secure, etc. Her mind probably races at night worrying, hormones making her very emotional. She needs love and understanding, even if your relationship doesn't work out in the long run, the two of you are making a child - together.

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A female reader, ilikenight United States +, writes (27 August 2007):

ilikenight agony auntSome women resent the father of their baby after the man gets her pregnant. I really don't know why. Maybe you could ask a therapist... But I know a few women who were happy with thier boyfriends until they got pregnant. Then they wanted nothing to do with the guy. Is it possible she just wanted to get pregnant?

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A female reader, love-him United Kingdom +, writes (27 August 2007):

love-him agony aunthi babe, it is most likely her hormones.. but you need to do everythin in your power to stay in contact with her, close contact, and help her through the pregnancy.. even if she is pushin you away, she still realy needs you for the birth of YOUR child.. stay with her.. and if she still will not let u in her life, make sure you keep close contact with the child.. i hope i helped, good luck, mail me if u wanna talk x x

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