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My girlfriend is depressed: She says she hates herself, feels ugly, hates the way she looks, is lonely and has no friends! I tickled her and told her jokes (didn't work) - any suggestions?

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Question - (10 March 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 10 March 2006)
A male , *oe_01 writes:

hi, my gf of 2 years has depression, over the last week or so she has been very depressed and will hardly, talk,eat smile or anything. then last night i asked her whats wrong, she broke down and she she said she was very depresed, i asked her if it was me and she said no it was her, i didnt understand and she said that she hates herself, she said she feels ugly and hats her appearance and she said that she hates that she is lonly and has no friends, i tried ot make her laugh by telling some jokes and tickeling her and stuf and telling her that she is beatiful but the next day she still seems sad, i dont know what i can do im so worried about her, im scared im going to loose her or something, i just dont know what to do or say to help her, any suggestions please.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2006):


i've also had experience with depression, i haven't completely got over it but i'm still working at it. it's nice that your there for her but tickling and making jokes doesn't get to the root of her depression. there something that as made her depressed she needs to figure out what's the problem is. so that she my take the steps to getting better. depression isn't something that can fixed over night. so if your gonna be there for be prepared to see her get worse before she get's better. you could try taking her out to meet new people, make her feel speical, wanted, beautiful. I found seeing a councillor a helps i didnt wanna take the anti-deppression tablets as people become addicted to them. just be patient and be there for her. that's all you can really do.

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A female reader, Hopeful +, writes (10 March 2006):

Hopeful agony auntHas she spoken to anyone about depression? It is really important she does. Depression in this day and age is common and she shouldn't be afraid to talk about it with professionals, her GP and family.

There are so amazing websites available, in Australia there is a sensational one called "beyondblue" which has great information about seeking help.

Depression must be addressed and whilst your efforts are galliant they are not long term solutions. Real depression (opposed to just being a bit sad for a few days or weeks) must be treated.

I would help her by researching on depression and seeking out some options to help her deal with this.

She is very lucky to have someone who wants to help her and the best way you can help her is get her some assistance from her GP and other professionals.

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A male reader, Jammy2006 +, writes (10 March 2006):

Jammy2006 agony auntHi mate, Im replying to you as I have previous experience of depression and know how your girlfriend feels. Your jokes,tickles etc is fine but only lasts a few minutes, and when you have depression these things are relatively small compared to the base of your stress. The best thing you can do is just to be there when she needs you, back right off when she needs her own time (as pressure makes things 10 times worse) and try to take her out to places unique and show her that your worth holding onto and prove that she has something to live for (YOU!) Try talking to her but under no cirumstances apply any pressure what so ever as it will drive her away. Hope it goes ok for ya

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