A
male
age
36-40,
*enQ
writes:Here's one for you.Firstly, I'd like you to read this situaion, and tell me what you think.There is a girl I know. When we see each other, we hug, perhaps kiss on the cheek, are really friendly with one another. I call her gorgeous, or honey, or sweetie, or whatever, she calls me sexy, or handsome, things along those lines.Sometimes, when we're together - she tells me she loves me, and I tell her I love her too. Sometimes we go out to lunch together, sometimes with a group of friends. I take her shopping and things, she tries on clothes and I give my opinions.More recently, she invited me round to her flat, for the first time,and cooked me a meal. I met all her flat mates, and we just hung out.As I love to cook, I returned the favour. She came over to mine, I cooked her some pasta, we chilled and watched a movie.From an outsiders opinion, what would you describe this relationship as? A close friendship? Just a friendship? Hmmm.Amazingly enough, I find myself in a happy relationship and for once, things are going smoothly.This is with a completely different girl.My girl and I have been together for about a month, and we're both quite happy.I have a lot of friends, both male and female, and spend lots of time with all of them, and my girlfriend doesn't mind.Everything I do with my friend, I do with my girlfriend. When I kiss my g/f, we kiss properly. We share a bed sometimes. We sleep together. We do more typical boyfriend/girlfriend things.Recently, I have found out from a friend, that my Girlfriend despises my friend. Her exact wrds were along the lines of "if there was a way i could get him to stop seeing her, that didn't hurt anyone, i'd do it".Ever since I started going out with my g/f, I've spent most of my free time with her. Sure, I make time for other people, but it's good to spend a lot of time with someone in the start of a relationship, to see if you blend.So am I doing something wrong? Should I distance myself a bit from my friend, for the sake of my new girlfriend?And,Part of me wonders what my friend feels. Does she care about me more than she lets on? Am I more than a friend to her?I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to read this, and again, to anyone who offers me some advice. I really appreciate it.Peace,BenQ
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male
reader, long  +, writes (17 December 2008):
First part, obviously close friends. People don't usually do this kind of things with normal friends.
All I got to say is, your girlfriend friends. She wants you to break some connections because she's uncomfortable with it. You Do It.
I have gone through a similar situation as you, just that I had been talking to my ex. My darling did not like it one bit. I came to my senses and realized that my girlfriend means so much more to me than anyone else. If there's one person I can't live without on this Earth, it is her, not my close friend(s). So I broke connections with my ex immediately. Now, things are much smoother and she seems to trust me more, being more comfortable around me.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 December 2008):
 Well from an outsider's perspective the relationship you have with your "friend" is more than just a friendship. There is no way you should be telling another girl that you love her and calling her gorgeous etc if you just want to be friends. Do you have feelings for her? Its not clear from your question whether you really do love this "friend" or if you just want to be mates.
How do you feel about your new girlfriend? Do you want to be with her more than you want to be with your friend? It seems to me like you have two girlfriends here and your actual girlfriend knows it.
She has every right to feel uncomfortable about your so called friendship, how would you feel if you knew she was telling another guy she loves him? You need to decide what you want from these girls; make a decision over who you want to be with so you dont hurt anyone.
It sounds to me like your more than a friend to your "friend" so I imagine she does have feelings for you but you would have to sit down and talk to her about this.
If you do decide that you want to be with your girlfriend then you need to cool that friendship down a bit. Explain to your friend that your girlfriend is uncomfortable with the closeness/flirtation between the two of you and that from now on you need to be just friends and nothing more. The cute names for each other, the kissing and the saying "i love you" definately has to stop. That is not the way friends behave and if you value your relationship with your girlfriend then you will have no problem in stopping that behaviour.
I dont see a reason why you should stop seeing your friend all together as if you just started to act like normal friends I'm sure your girlfriend would be ok with your friendship.
Just make sure you do the right thing and try not to hurt anyone in the process. Good luck!
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