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My girlfriend has a drink problem!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 August 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 17 August 2007)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi, My girlfriend whom I've been dating for 7 months now has a drinking problem. Everytime she drinks, I will feel obligated to drink because I can deal with the drunken issues so much better when I am a little buzzed myself. Just recently, we had quit drinking for two months, and it was wonderful.. but last night she decided that she wanted to drink 7 beers, and might turn this all back into a raging drunken relationship, and I don't know what to do. She doesn't think she has a problem, but I know she does.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (17 August 2007):

hlskitten agony auntIs this the night for drink problems? This must be the 3rd or 4th question about it on here today.

Like i said in the other thread, i would get her to go to AA, both of you in fact, if you both use alcohol to drown out lifes issues, ifg they wont, leave them.

C xxxxx

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A female reader, x_goddess_x United Kingdom +, writes (16 August 2007):

x_goddess_x agony auntyou should think of wats best for you and do tht she can only stop drinking if she wants it for herself no one can force her to stop ppl just have to be there to support her you may think tht "wat does she no" but trust me i no quite a bit beleive me just help her along the way if she dnt want the help thn there is nothing you can do about it sorry but do wat you think is best

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007):

I take it that she gets angry and violent when she drinks? That used to happen to me. And I've lost friendships and made a fool of myself because of it.

Um, well, from my own experience, it is really hard to quit drinking in the acknowledgement that you have a "problem." Just because not only is it legal and an acceptable social thing but also, and above all, because it becomes like therapy. She has anger and sadness that she can only get out of her system when she drinks. So her psyche craves it as a tool to relieve her pain. That to her doesn't seem like a problem but a solution.

So, as I said, while it is not easy for her to quit because she views it as a problem, it would however, be eaiser for her to quit, if she could find other healthy and non detrimental interests, that don't involve alcohol, that she could also view as "therapy" and as solutions to her pain.

One of the best ways to do this is through exercise and athleticism. Maybe you two could start becoming more active. You could join a sports league. Start going hiking on the weekends. Encourage constant activity. Where I live, kids your and my age get together on friday and saturday nights and play kickball. Its fun! Cause the moment she starts feeling bored and lethargic, she is going to start thinking about alcohol. But if she has something else to look forward to, she just might not.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007):

Distinquish to us, why you feel this is a problem because alcohol abuse is serious stuff. I do have to say, if she was able to quit drinking, altogether, for 2 months, I would be relunctant to state she has a drinking problem, could be something she is capable of attaining, if not controlled. But, from your posting, it really sounds like she simply likes to party down, occasionally and due to her youthfulness, she might not be able to handle the effects of alcohol. Quite a common thing, for younger folks in your age group. But..plainly drinking does cause a lot of pain and strife in your relationship.What this could mean is, you and she share very different values about relationships. Probably the best way to gauge if she does have a drinking problem is to ask yourself some questions. Does she have family problems associated with drinking?. Has anyone close to you, ever noticed that she drinks too much and commented on it or is this just your perception? Has she lost other friends due to her drinking? Has she ever been hospitalized or had trouble with the law, due to her drinking? Has her drinking ever made consistenatly late for work or school? Is she always preoccupied with drinking or wanting to do it? Does she want a drink everyday? Does she do it alone? If you answered yes, she has a problem. Another thing to think about is: How did she deal with 2 months of sobriety and 'no drinking'? Was she okay with it? Did she miss it?

At your age, young people drink beers and get buzzed. All of us have 'good, fun party stories' from our youthful years. I have a few, myself. But like your gf, I could go months without having a beer with my buddies, if I put my mind to it. I can state to you, it was just a phase I went through as it is for many of us, when we are in the throes of 'fun party mode' that goes with the age. So I think you have to distinquish here, if this is a serious drinking problem in the works or is this a social phase of partying and having fun with friends, that she going through. And it's also plain to see that like many young people, she changes her personality when drinking which affects the relationship. So what can you do? You can't control her and what she wants to do? You've made it clear to her how the drinking makes your relationship with her toxic. You've done all you can. If drinking is not your thing and she likes it, then you have to make a choice that is best for you and your happiness. If she doesn't want to stop, you do have choices. You may simply have to re-evaluate this relationship and ask if it's the one for you. Remember, dating is a selection process. It the time spent with potential people and learning who is good for our lives. Maybe you just have to think about that. Good luck in your decision and I wish you the best.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007):

This is a serious issue. Women that drink are ten times more suseptible to liver damage than men that drink. She obviously isn't happy with who she is as a person, therefore she feels that she has to drink. You have to tell her how much it bothers you. If she won't stop it may be best to suggest she attend AA and tell her you will support her & attend with her. I am going through this with a very close friend of mine. It started off with her having a few beers at night, then she started spiralling out of control. Her whole life is runined right now, she's getting evicted, almost lost her job & her child. Her boyfriend left her. She ended up beimg suicidal & ended up in a mental facility. All of her problems are from alcohol. It's real bad that you're being drug down with her and feel that you must drink as well. If she won't stop, the only option you should consider is leaving her. I know it's hard but some people just don't listen to others & don't care about consequences of thier actions. Like my friend, she doesn't care about herself, she landed in the emergency clinic several times due to her addiction to alcohol but she just kept drinking. You have to do what's best for you if she refuses to stop.

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