A
male
age
26-29,
*ames127
writes:My girlfriend of 9 months was recently on a night out without me present. She has a few guy friends that I know about that she's been friends with for a few years along with her girl friends and they were all out. One of her guy friends was too touchy feely and made her feel very uncomfortable at one point. He was very drunk and didn't touch her breast/ vagina but was getting very close and touching her chest and stuff. She felt the need to message me about it and said how it made her feel very uncomfortable. Obviously I didn't find it acceptable a friend would make her feel like this so I said I'd politely speak to him and clear the air. She really didn't want to and said she'd speak to him herself which she never did. A few weeks later they've met up alone for lunch at a nice little resteraunt near where they both work. Am I right to feel a bit insecure and annoyed at the situation? They're friends but at the same time from what I see when I'm around her they rarely message or see each other so it's not like they're really good friends. I dunno just the thought of my gf going out for a one on one lunch with a guy she's kinda friends with that actually made her feel very uncomfortable by being too close to her doesn't make me very happy. And I know that if the situation was reversed she'd be fuming if I even took another girl out for lunch that I was kinda friends with.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (5 August 2017):
You are being played somehow. No woman goes alone to meet a man who has sexually assaulted her. And that is what she alleged he did.
You need to have a serious heart to heart conversation with her about what is really going on. But to be straight with you I'm not sure you're going to get the truth from her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2017): Hmmm my take is totally different.. I have a sis in law who I actually worship until I went out with her clubbing .. she would literally flirt with any guys .. these guys would be all over her .. not kissing or anything like that but near enough that it was extremely inappropriate. However she would call my brothers. Up and say Oo this guy did this or that and he would say okay I'll have a word with him and she say no no no it's okay I'll deal with it .. never once did she say there was any encouragement from her side .. I basically had to stop going clubbing or including her on my girls nights out because I did not want to be the one telling my brother -
So do I think this diallance is all innocent .. hmm . I think I would be in your shoes cautious .. if my other half explained what your gf told you .. I would be like did you tell her off .. did you make it plain.. and if he mentioned taking her for a lunch .. ooo sorry no no no .. who goes on a lunch date as being honest it comes over like that .. if they are troubled by the opposite sex behaviour .. you just don't ..
if it's raised .. then it's meant to be dealt with .. you don't raise something then tell the other person .. no it's okay .. as by heck it is not .. why raise it in the first instance. ??
If someone behaviour is untoward you don't see them on your own if your uncomfortable ..
as a female I've been in situations like this .. you make boundaries . You step back .. you do not have cosy lunch dates even to discuss it .. why ??
Because your giving the wrong message . The guy think well she telling me no because she has a bf ; but really she means yes !! as she here , on her own with me at lunch .. totally totally wrong ..
and why do I think the guy would think this; as certainly he knows she has a bf .. she called you on the night out, right ? And that did not deter his behaviour .. out of sight .. out of mind for this guy ..
I think your gf likes the attention and then when it gets to much, she cries a lil wolf to you .. and then regret it .. as you may have word with him and her ego stroking will get stopped .
I would say sit back and see where this goes .. if she continues to met friendly Romeo for lunches .. I would start doing the same with some gorgeous Juliet she knows and tell her "Oo she was flirting and hugging me I felt a lil uncomfortable but hey we're going for a lunch tomorrow to discuss it all ".. let's see how she feels ..
Totally totally wrong . Females and males can be friends but once they cross the boundary and make it plain as he has , that he interested .. them your friendship needs to change and pull back as his feeling and hands won't .. . He doesn't respect both your relationship and you have to ask yourself " why " .. even people who have been together can remain friends if they respect boundaries; if they don't then it becomes very messy ..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 August 2017):
 I agree with Denizen,
The best way to deal with this is put the issue on its ear not try and DICTATE who she can talk to and hang out with.
When I say "on its ear" I mean ASK how if she is OK with you having female friends and having the kind of interactions with these female friends as SHE is having with this guy. It might just give her some food for thought.
I will also add that I think it would be a good idea if you met the guy. I know you said you "know" about these guys but have you actually met them? I think it's ALWAYS good to MEET the people whom your partner spends time with and get to know them. It can also in a VERY low-key way establish a sense of "dominance" and respect. People might RESPECT her boundaries if they know YOU. Weird, but that is human nature.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (3 August 2017):
 this one is like flipping a coin it could be all innocent and two people just friends, but the way he acted when he was drinking shows he wants to be more than friends, she could be meeting him to tell him it is not going to happen and she wants to keep him as a friend while not wanting you to mess things up,
you see that could go against you as if you break up her friendship she might hold it against you and think you're controlling her, but as you said it has to cut bought ways
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (3 August 2017):
 You need to clear this up with her. Ask her if there was a reason she lunched with this man after expressing a distaste for his behaviour. You might also ask if if it is OK for you to take another female to lunch. Personally I don't see any harm in that. But she needs to be reminded that things need to be equal.
It really comes down to trust doesn't it. Do you trust her? In the meantime you might want to have a quiet word with this other fella and advise him she is going out with you and is therefore off-limits to him. It needn't be aggressive but it should be firm.
And stop letting her set the agenda. It sound like she is starting to lead you around by the nose.
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