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My girlfriend gives her phone number out to other guys and texts them!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 February 2013) 15 Answers - (Newest, 10 September 2013)
A male United States age 30-35, *andomando writes:

My Girlfriend and I have been dating for about two months now. I dont talk to any other girls but she talks to other guys. what pissed me off to get mad at her and write this was she said something like "why wont this guy leave me alone, I dont want to talk to him". So i was like whats he doing and she said "hes trying to ask me out". She said no of course and i guess the other guy didnt now she had a bf but it makes me made that she is giving her number out to guys when she has a bf.

So basically I dont trust her at all any more. if guys are asking her out, they obviously got her number from her. For me when I give my number out its to get to know the other person and possible ask her out...

so I feel like shes playing me. I dont know how to address this or ignore it. Should I be like you cant text any other guys and if se does then its over?

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (10 September 2013):

Tisha-1 agony auntSorry your ex has a problem with honesty and alcohol. It's a deadly combination.

You may not ever understand her mind but don't assume all girls are like her. Good luck with your new friend. I just posted on your new question. Go slow, okay? You're still freshly hurt from the betrayal. Rebounds are a good way to hurt someone else, ya know?

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A male reader, landomando United States +, writes (10 September 2013):

landomando is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey guys since last time this is what has happened. I told my girlfriend I did not like her texting other guys. she told me that bullshit about being friends... Well what happened did happen. She got really drunk with one of her "guy" friends and cheated on me. I just recently broke up with her.

I dont think ill ever understand the mind of girls... For all of you who responded and think its messed up to text another guy thanks for your post. For all of you that think its okay... Its not. I think i found out the hard way. Thanks all

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A female reader, Faded Lights Canada +, writes (17 April 2013):

I have a boyfriend and I still will give my number out and text other guys. You should respect that your girlfriend can talk to other guys and have male friends. You obviously like this girl and her talking to other guys and perhaps flirting a bit is making you really jealous which is totally understandable, but you also have to trust her. She may even be telling you about it all because she wants you to feel jealous and maybe get protective...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013):

Im going through a similar situation with my fiance. Him and I have been seeing each other for seven years and he flirted and got some girls number. So I know how you feel. I consider it disrespectful and cheating. Talk to her so she knows how you feel. If she continues to give out her number, then break up with her. I know its hurtful. Good luck!

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (1 March 2013):

If your gf gives out her number to other guys, I have a news flash for you - you dont have a gf.....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013):

Simply bro,dump her because you deserve a better treatment

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013):

If she was playing you then she would be doing this behind your back and not telling you.

My sister did this to her boyfriend before, guess what, guys weren't even asking her out she just wanted to see her boyfriends reaction to see if he cared or not.

I told her to cut out the game playing and explained how it could cause trouble and make him insecure.

She's saying no to these guys and you really don't know how they have her number.

In your position I'd find that out first, if she is just giving out her number to random guys for no good reason other than something like "they asked, or they seem nice" then yeah, you're in a bit of trouble and you're dating a girl who doesn't handle male interest very well.

Try not to assume the worst, it just sounds like she doesn't know the boundaries you want in your relationship or wants you to be a little bit jealous.

You can't stop her texting other guys at all, but you can talk to her openly about them, how they came into contact with her and whether these guys knows she has a boyfriend. If she's not telling guys she has boyfriend then you're in some real trouble.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (1 March 2013):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntYoure too soft with women guy. You need to project more confidence n dominance to get their respect. This woman is garbage. Leave.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (1 March 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYou don’t trust her? After she told you that she clearly is annoyed by this guy asking her out?

SHE has no control over what other people do or say you know… only her own behavior which seems to me to be ok.

If she gave her number to a girl she met who she thought she had stuff in common with would you be upset and not trust her? Or is it just because it’s a guy?

You say I don’t talk to any other girls? REALLY… ever? No co-workers? No school chums….

I truly do not think that just because she gives her number to a guy she met means she’s cheating or not trustworthy.

I think she may be like me, friendly. And like my husband naïve about motives of others.

My husband would give his number to a woman he met (say at a gaming con) thinking that she wanted to be gaming chums… Then when she hit on him, he’d be like “WHAT?” because it would never occur to him (as a happily partnered person) that others would TRY to get with him and that THEY would not respect his relationship. It’s not my husband’s fault that other women want him. It’s a compliment to my taste….

I have guys I am friends with... I text them now and then or have lunch with them. I'm having lunch today with my ex husband. just the two of us.... doesn't mean anything is going on other than lunch....

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (1 March 2013):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntYoure too soft with women guy. You need to project more confidence n dominance to get their respect. This woman is garbage. Leave.

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A female reader, Intrigued3000 Canada +, writes (1 March 2013):

Intrigued3000 agony auntI really don't think she's playing you. It's a little unnerving to see other guys interested in your gf, but please don't be that insecure boyfriend who tries to control who she speaks to. All you have to do is ask her how he got her number. Don't just assume the worst and then spoil what could be a good thing. At least she was honest and open with you to tell you that this guy was annoying her and that he asked her out. This means she's comfortable with you. Maybe it's even her way of making you a bit jealous. Show her that you're jealous, but don't try to control her. If she is playing you or have lied to you in any way, the truth will eventually come out. For now just enjoy the fact that your gf is hot and other guys desire her, but you're the lucky guy who gets to be with her. She chose you over all these other douchebags:)

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (1 March 2013):

llifton agony aunti disagree with the notion that it's okay for her to give her number to random guys who approach her. that's never acceptable, if you ask me.

having male friends is one thing, but having a random guy come up and ask for her number and she has never met him before is completely another. especially since you're a guy and you KNOW why men get girls numbers. it's NOT to be friends, that's for sure. men just don't want to be friends with girls. there's always another motive. sex or some sort of attraction. she needs to tell them she's seeing someone when this happens.

she has violated your trust. if i were you, i'd be pissed, too. i would confront her and let her know that you have a big problem with this behavior. that if she persists with it, the relationship will be over. it's NOT something you're willing to tolerate.

i used to have a gf that did this to me. she'd get other guys and girls numbers and text them constantly. and when i got mad and questioned their intentions or hers, she would then turn it around on me and manipulate me by saying things like "you know i'm lonely and don't really have many close friends - don't you want me to find friends?" or "i can't believe you're getting mad at me for making friends!" so then i felt guilty being pissed off and not accepting it.

thing is, as it turns out, she was cheating on me constantly. i found this out later. every person she was ever texting, she cheated with. she was a bitch. lol.

anyway, i wouldn't stand for this behavior. when you're in a relationship, that means you stop giving out your number to random guys. put your foot down.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (1 March 2013):

janniepeg agony auntShe has absolutely no reason to share this with you if she has no intention of dating other guys. She probably did this to get a reaction out of you. She wants you to get jealous. She wouldn't like it very much if you give her short responses to brush her off, such as "you don't want to date him, so don't talk to him anymore." OR, you say, "at least you get the attention you need, cause you like it." She likes it when you ask her questions and create a drama out of it, such as you telling the guy to bug off, she's mine.

What would bother me is not the trust issue but her being a little girl seeking attention. Look at me! Protect me! It's an undesirable trait which brings out the worst in men. It's her need for attention and drama that would bring trouble in the relationship, more than cheating.

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A female reader, ihavetoomanythoughts Australia +, writes (28 February 2013):

ihavetoomanythoughts agony auntAre you assuming she's giving out her number? That she doesn't tell the guys she's already got a boyfriend? If you are only making assumptions, then it is time to stop because it isn't your girlfriend who is poisoning your relationship, it is you. It could also be the fact that you guys have only been dating for two months! I know a lot of people aren't comfortable with revealing their 'In a relationship' status until they're sure the relationship is going to last longer than say... three months. Rather than jump to conclusions, you should ask her how these guys are getting her number (maybe she was just looking for friends but they want more, maybe they are work colleagues). You should ask her if they bother her consistently (as her partner your job is to make sure she isn't harassed). And when you ask her, don't use an accusing tone because you really don't know how things are from her end and have no right to point fingers as of yet.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (28 February 2013):

Tisha-1 agony auntSome people put their phone information on social networking sites like facebook, and if their account isn't set to private settings, other people can see that information.

Is there some reason you can't calmly ask her about how these guys get her number and why they would think she's textable?

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