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My girlfriend can be a real bitch sometimes!

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Question - (20 February 2008) 95 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2012)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I really love my girlfriend of the past year and a half and we have even talked of marriage. The problem is that whenever she gets a little bit frustrated and stressed about something (her job, waiting in a long line, etc...) she takes it out on me by becoming super snappy and bitchy. She behaves this way toward other people in her life as well like her mom or whatever random unfortunate stranger who happens to be dealing with one of her issues (like calling her apartments front desk about a matainance issue). We have talked about this problem and she will acknoledge she was wrong and will promise to behave better but it is always temporary and her bitchiness always rears its ugly head within less than a week of our discussions This really bothers me and sends up huge red flags about what a future with her might have instore. I really do love her in every other way so my question is, is it practical for me to think she will change her ways or should a jump ship before this thing gets any more serious?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012):

To all those who say they love their girlfriend but she's a bitch, I'll say that you loved the way she was, or love her when she behaves herself.

I know. I'm in the same boat.

I've been dating the same girl for 16 months. She started out nice, but since we moved in together, she's been a fire breathing dragon.

She's mean, she's rude, she doesn't listen, she doesn't care about my feelings, she doesn't care about my wants & needs. She turns every disagreement into a war that she has to win.

I think it comes down to what I call "The Cinderella Syndrome". She has it in her head that all she's supposed to sit on her pretty rear waiting for Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet and carry her off to his castle, where she lives happily ever after.

For a girl like this, she thinks her part is to wait until she has a prospect for a relationship, then choose the one she thinks is best able to take care of her. Then her part is finished. Everything else is her partner's responsibility.

For example, I have to shop for groceries, run all the errands, and make all the medical appointments because they freak her out. I do all the cooking, take care of her pets, and do all the housework. She won't even get herself a glass of water. I use most of my check to pay the bills, while she spends most of her money on herself.

After doing everything to avoid responsibility, my girlfriend critiques my performance and suggests ways for me to improve. When I point out that she doesn't include me in the decision-making process, she tells me that I'm not listening.

When we go to Couples Therapy, she agrees with with an action plan, then doesn't follow through. Later she admits that she only agreed because she didn't want to start an argument or appear unreasonable.

So this is what it boils down to: I can't make her change. But I can change. I can pick up my life and start living it again. I can stop being responsible for her and be responsible for myself.

When she sees that I refuse to play Prince Charming to her Cinderella, maybe she'll decide that real life is better than a fairy tale. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. All I know is, I've catered to my girlfriend for far too long. If you're tired of slaving for your Cinderella, then stop doing it. It doesn't matter if your girlfriend stays or goes. What matters is that you've finally decided to stop playing into her fantasy.

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A male reader, turnthetide United States +, writes (25 March 2012):

Hello??? Did you all read what I read? In almost every letter posted on this subject there seemed to be a common thread that everyone talks about but no one has addressed.

When it comes to women we all allow and actually excuse their bad behavior because of bad things that happened to them in their upbringing. Really? This gives them excuse to be bitches? Seriously, haven't we all had to overcome bad things in our past that were out of our control? Does this give you the right to be a Bad Boy? Ummmmm, Go to jail go directly to jail, do Not pass go and do Not collect $200.

When we are little the adults control the world and things happen to us that are beyond our control. (Men as well as women fall into this category). Now that "we're" adults "We" make the choices. One can never go back and fix the past but we can control our future. When do you become and adult and take responsibility for your actions?

I too could relate my own experience here by telling you all the particulars about my bitchy abusive relationship with a former girlfriend, but I don't need to do that. Just take any previous letter here and insert my name where the mans name is and insert my ex-girlfriends name where the bitch is. It's all the same story.

My intent is Not to come here and relate my own situation, my Intent is to hopefully help someone deal with and understand what it is they are actually going through.

First of all the woman is NOT just being a "bitch" except for the fact she is using her past as a reason for her behavior. There is however a clinical diagnosis for this behavior and it's called "borderline depression". Please read this listing below for the Borderline personality and see if your girlfriend doesn't fall into most of these categories.

1) Censoring your thoughts and feelings. You edit it yourself because you’re afraid of her reactions. Swallowing the lump in your throat and your hurt and anger is easier than dealing with another fight or hurt feelings. In fact, you may have stuffed your own emotions for so long that you no longer know what you think or feel.

2) Everything is your fault. You’re blamed for everything that goes wrong in the relationship and in general, even if it has no basis in reality.

3) Constant criticism. She criticizes nearly everything you do and nothing is ever good enough. No matter how hard you try, there’s no pleasing her or, if you do, it’s few and far between.

4) Control freak. She engages in manipulative behaviors, even lying, in an effort to control you.

5) Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde. One moment she’s kind and loving; the next she’s flipping out on you. She becomes so vicious, you wonder if she’s the same person. The first time it happens, you write it off. Now, it’s a regular pattern of behavior that induces feelings of depression, anxiety, helplessness and/or despair within you.

6) Your feelings don’t count. Your needs and feelings, if you’re brave enough to express them, are ignored, ridiculed, minimized and/or dismissed. You’re told that you’re too demanding, that there’s something wrong with you and that you need to be in therapy. You’re denied the right to your feelings.

7) Questioning your own sanity. You’ve begun to wonder if you’re crazy because she puts down your point of view and/or denies things she says or does. If you actually confide these things to a friend or family member, they don’t believe you because she usually behaves herself around other people.

8) Say what? “But I didn’t say that. I didn’t do that.” Sure you did. Well, you did in her highly distorted version of reality. Her accusations run the gamut from infidelity to cruelty to being un-supportive (even when you’re the one paying all the bills) to repressing her and holding her back. It’s usually baseless, which leaves you feeling defensive and misunderstood.

9) Isolating yourself from friends and family. You distance yourself from your loved ones and colleagues because of her erratic behavior, moodiness and instability. You make excuses for her inexcusable behaviors to others in an effort to convince yourself that it’s normal.

10) Walking on landmines. One misstep and you could set her off. Some people refer to this as “walking on eggshells,” but eggs emit only a dull crunch when you step on them. Setting off a landmine is a far more descriptive simile.

11) What goes up, must come down. She places you on a pedestal only to knock it out from under your feet. You’re the greatest thing since sliced bread one minute and the next minute, you’re the devil incarnate.

12) Un-level playing field. Borderlines and Narcissists make the rules; they break the rules and they change the rules at will. Just when you think you’ve figured out how to give her what she wants, she changes her expectations and demands without warning. This sets you up for failure in no-win situations, leaving you feeling helpless and trapped.

13) You’re a loser, but don’t leave me. “You’re a jerk. You’re a creep. You’re a bastard. I love you. Don’t leave me.” When you finally reach the point where you just can’t take it anymore, the tears, bargaining and threats begin. She insists she really does love you. She can’t live without you. She promises to change. She promises it will get better, but things never change and they never get better.

When that doesn’t work, she blames you and anything and anyone else she can think of, never once taking responsibility for her own behaviors. She may even resort to threats. Or she threatens to bad mouth you to your friends and family.

I hope after you read this list you feel better. Now I'm not one to give relationship advise so I won't be expressing my opinions as to whether or not you should stay in a relationship with a borderline personality. You may have picked up on the fact when I said "former" girlfriend. As in any relationship if the person you love has a problem whether it be excessive drink, drugs, gambling or yes even a form of clinical depression it's up to the other partner to decide if they can stay in such a relationship. But please understand this when sticking it out.

a) Society and psychology hold a reverse sexist attitude regarding the perpetrators and recipients of emotional abuse.

b) Men have been brainwashed into believing that “she’s just expressing her feelings” when she’s being abusive and that “he’s insensitive and doesn’t understand.” Unfortunately, many mental health professionals perpetuate this phenomenon through their own gender biases. Should these men enter into couples treatment, they often get tag teamed by their girlfriend/wife and the therapist into believing they’re the problem. Should this couple actually find a shrink worth his/her salt that tries to hold the Borderline/Narcissist accountable, said shrink is duly fired and vilified by the BPD/NPD.

c) Men are too embarrassed to talk about the hurt, pain and confusion they experience as a result of the way these women mistreat them.

Warning: Being involved with an abusive Borderline May Be Hazardous to Your Mental Health.

In whichever you decide I hope reading this has been helpful for you and I wish you the best of luck.

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A male reader, BigMistake United States +, writes (13 January 2012):

ORIGINAL POSTER HERE:

Well it has been 4 long years since I posted this question. Long story short, I ended up getting married to her and now we are separated and getting divorced.

So why did I ignore 99% of the advice of commenters here telling me to leave her and why did I ignore all the red flags I saw? I guess it boils down to insecurity, but it is much more complicated than that. Like I said in my original post, I really did love her and we shared lots of very happy times together. Things arent always so black and white. Shortly after I posted this original question we started seeing a relationship counselor. Things got slightly better for awhile and it gave me hope that things would continue to change for the better. While things were "better" we got engaged and then married. This wasnt rushed into either as we had been dating for years at this point.

I definitely felt a bit pressured into this as she would regularly cry and tell me she was disturbed that our relationship was not "progressing". Basically I was left to make the decision to "move forward" (ie. get married) or break up. Breaking up for me was a very scary option as almost all of my friends were her friends (I was in a new town) and my entire social life basically revolved around her. Like I said, things got slightly better after counseling but I guess I was naive to think that would continue.

It didnt take long after getting married for her to slip back into her old role. Eventually we started seeing another relationship counselor. After 6+ months of seeing this counselor things still weren't getting better (actually got worse) and she told me she didn't like our new counselor and wanted to start over with a 3rd. She thought that the counselor and I were unfairly ganging up on her but in reality it was her common problem of not accepting responsibility for her own actions.

I take marriage very seriously but eventually I could take NO more of her antics. One evening she was crying and yelling at me because I was not spending enough time with her (in reality we had spent almost the entire long 3 day weekend together). To get my attention as she often did she was slamming doors and screaming. She took it to the next level that night and threw a number of my personal belongings against the floor breaking them. I told her I could take NO more and literally rented a truck the next morning and moved out! All the while she begged and pleaded for me not to go and she would change and to give her just "1 more chance". I told her that I had been giving her "1 more chance" for years and it was time for me to go!

So what my advice for others in this situation?

If you are facing a similar dilemma as I had originally posted about I would encourage you to do the following:

1.Talk with your partner about what you would like to see change and make a plan together to fix your problem.

2. Sit back and quietly observe for a period of weeks or months. Keep a written journal of the incidents that contradict what you and your partner agreed would change. So often many of these incidents are small (for example her refusing to help you with tax paper work and then complaining/arguing/yelling when it doesn't turn out the way she wanted). Many times these small incidents get blurry in our memory and after awhile we either down play them or forget them altogether. Seeing them written out allows you to see just how often it happens and how severe it really is. Also in my case my wife would insist I was remembering something incorrectly and try to flip it around to point the blame at me. Having a written account allows you to see that you are not crazy and puts things into perspective.

3. Don't let your partner know about your "list" but if things don''t progress positively site these solid differences to your partner. Your partner may (if she was like mine) most likely either downplay these incidents or flat out deny them (but you will confidently know better).

4. People very rarely change and if after trying steps 1-3 for a period of months without progress (don't waste your time doing this for more than 1 year) have the confidence to move on. Your life WILL be better without them and you can confidently leave knowing that you tried everything reasonable to change for the positive and they are the one who refused.

Don't make the same mistake I did!

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A male reader, BigMistake United States +, writes (13 January 2012):

ORIGINAL POSTER HERE:

Well it has been 4 long years since I posted this question. Long story short, I ended up getting married to her and now we are separated and getting divorced.

So why did I ignore 99% of the advice of commenters here telling me to leave her and why did I ignore all the red flags I saw? I guess it boils down to insecurity, but it is much more complicated than that. Like I said in my original post, I really did love her and we shared lots of very happy times together. Things arent always so black and white. Shortly after I posted this original question we started seeing a relationship counselor. Things got slightly better for awhile and it gave me hope that things would continue to change for the better. While things were "better" we got engaged and then married. This wasnt rushed into either as we had been dating for years at this point.

I definitely felt a bit pressured into this as she would regularly cry and tell me she was disturbed that our relationship was not "progressing". Basically I was left to make the decision to "move forward" (ie. get married) or break up. Breaking up for me was a very scary option as almost all of my friends were her friends (I was in a new town) and my entire social life basically revolved around her. Like I said, things got slightly better after counseling but I guess I was naive to think that would continue.

It didnt take long after getting married for her to slip back into her old role. Eventually we started seeing another relationship counselor. After 6+ months of seeing this counselor things still weren't getting better (actually got worse) and she told me she didn't like our new counselor and wanted to start over with a 3rd. She thought that the counselor and I were unfairly ganging up on her but in reality it was her common problem of not accepting responsibility for her own actions.

I take marriage very seriously but eventually I could take NO more of her antics. One evening she was crying and yelling at me because I was not spending enough time with her (in reality we had spent almost the entire long 3 day weekend together). To get my attention as she often did she was slamming doors and screaming. She took it to the next level that night and threw a number of my personal belongings against the floor breaking them. I told her I could take NO more and literally rented a truck the next morning and moved out! All the while she begged and pleaded for me not to go and she would change and to give her just "1 more chance". I told her that I had been giving her "1 more chance" for years and it was time for me to go!

So what my advice for others in this situation?

If you are facing a similar dilemma as I had originally posted about I would encourage you to do the following:

1.Talk with your partner about what you would like to see change and make a plan together to fix your problem.

2. Sit back and quietly observe for a period of weeks or months. Keep a written journal of the incidents that contradict what you and your partner agreed would change. So often many of these incidents are small (for example her refusing to help you with tax paper work and then complaining/arguing/yelling when it doesn't turn out the way she wanted). Many times these small incidents get blurry in our memory and after awhile we either down play them or forget them altogether. Seeing them written out allows you to see just how often it happens and how severe it really is. Also in my case my wife would insist I was remembering something incorrectly and try to flip it around to point the blame at me. Having a written account allows you to see that you are not crazy and puts things into perspective.

3. Don't let your partner know about your "list" but if things don''t progress positively site these solid differences to your partner. Your partner may (if she was like mine) most likely either downplay these incidents or flat out deny them (but you will confidently know better).

4. People very rarely change and if after trying steps 1-3 for a period of months without progress (don't waste your time doing this for more than 1 year) have the confidence to move on. Your life WILL be better without them and you can confidently leave knowing that you tried everything reasonable to change for the positive and they are the one who refused.

Don't make the same mistake I did!

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A male reader, EuroRash United States +, writes (21 July 2011):

Tell her how you feel, if she could care less then move on. Life is too short and women like this will just treat you like a doormat and never have respect for you.

I've, unfortunately, dated a couple women like this and it a shame. It's seem down deep they are very unhappy but will never address it (denial) or just plain "man haters".

Walk away, if she really loves you she'll come to terms with it, apologize, then want o talk about it. If not these unfortunate women fall into the "bitch" category and only concerned about one thing. Themselves. No man will ever matter to them. And consider yourself lucky to walk away early instead of causing yourself grief.

If you're truly a good person, you deserve better and there are good women out there. Just keep looking.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011):

Stick it out. I have the same problem right now. If you really love her, it is worth sticking around to see how it turns out. What's worse not having her at all or waiting around for a while?

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A male reader, myselftomyself United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2011):

same problem basicaly.

i did think it was just me. i have people telling me all the time to split with her. she's cost me so much money and grief.

she gets everything totally wrong and then screams and shouts and wont listen.

when i break it down for her she tries to say i'm controlling her but if anything i'm the exact opposite cos of how she is with me i don't want to be like her.

i almost don't have the energy to type i'm so stressed with it

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A female reader, pongo United States +, writes (17 June 2011):

i've been with the same woman for 3 years, and we've broke up like 20 times litterally once for a month. one of our biggest problems... she's a complete bitch and soooo proud of it. she gets mad, snappy, bitchy, and selfish then dares to blame me for her bitchyness because i react her bitching screaming manic attacks. i can't win . then i beat myself up trying to apologise for my mood change which was caused by her bitching to begin with, which has only accomplished 1 thing. i now resent her, myself, my confidence is shattered,bickering all the time, and no sex life. anything i do she turns into instabitch and brags to her friends what a bitch she can be. im deppressed all the time and i STILL bring her flowers and pay all the bills giving her a free ride and buy her dinners, cloths, ect. cause i love her. i've broken things off multiple times myself but we always get back togather. textbook TOXIC =(. im not perfect but dammit i'm not a bitch and im always first to admit i'm wrong . i am a woman and on the male side of the relationship so being a bitch isn't a womans right, its a choice... 1 that we have to decide if we can put up with. my patience is gone. i think i'll be single in the next week or so

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011):

Omg I now know I'm not alone! I been dating my gf for only 3 months and I work from home- so she gets jeleous that I have me time- I know she has a hard job and doesn't get a lot of time to herself but all she wants to do is take her frustrations and anger out on me! Her moods are so up and down I told her she might be bi-polar! She thinks she is bi-winning, but she doesn't see what I see! She now wants to take a week break together this might be a good time for me to fuckin pack my shit and get the hell out of here- her annoying bitchy voice drives me to the edge. I can't believe women are such bitches- I been a great bf I don't cheat I pay bills I clean I fuck her all the time- if I miss a day she whines- if I leave a piece of trash out she yells- if I say anything wrong she treats me like a punching bag... I dunno I think its time to be fuckin single!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011):

I completely empathize and am in the exact same situation myself. My girlfriend of over a year (on and off) can be a huge bitch, rude, despiteful, inmature among others and yet I still love her. I have broken up with her for these issues in the past and somehow continue to get back together with her. I have thought on many more occasions to jump ship because it truly frightens me to what a future with her has in store. My advice: if she hasn't changed by this point, jump ship. If you see any glimmering light, still leave because it will always come back!

Most recent fight between my girlfriend and I: she said she hates who I used to be. I said I was offended by that and she hung up on me.

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A female reader, Andreaivanchenko  United States +, writes (24 May 2011):

Maybe u should talk to her about that . If you don't like her letting it out on you . Tell her ! Sh needs to know:) and if you tried that already . Maybe she's not the right one for ya :(

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A male reader, Dating a bipolar  Canada +, writes (25 April 2011):

In my opinion.. Leave ! She is crazy and highly manipulative.. I am seeing someone like that and she has shown me a real hell because I stuck by her for two years. I should leave too but I haven't been able too.. She puts me on pedestal one day and treats me like garbage next. What I'm saying is, if you are strong e ough and wise enough to see what she's doing to you then you must leave her.. This girl took every gOod thing I did for her and twisted it to make me sound like the devil..

That's what manipulators are eventually Can do to the people that care for them.. So I hope you find the courage to do this and put yourself first. Leave as soon as you can. She sounds like she's getting nasty with you now.. Same as the woman I'm seeing..

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A male reader, kubica92 United States +, writes (30 December 2010):

Hello fellow men and women, I am 19 years old but have already experienced the death of my mother and all four grandparents. These deaths I believed for the most part had numbed me to pain, however two years ago I began experiencing the excruciating sting called love and have never been the same since.

Summer 2008, my next door neighbor (and former good friend) had this friend since sixth grade that he was on and off dating. She is 2 years my junior and I had been admiring her from afar for quite some time. Although she was younger than me I was still intimidated by her free spirited personality and mature looks. Little did I know that during these summer months we were both feeling a mutual likeness toward one another. A sudden and brief romance followed that happened to be my first such experience and her half dozenth at least at the young age of 16. We got together in August and she dumped me in October in what was one of the most awkward relationships ever. For the next 14 months for whatever reason I could not let this girl out of my mind. I knew she was hooking up with other guys but I had convinced myself that she belonged with me.

Now in September of 2009 I had really started pushing the envelope and getting up front about my renewed feelings toward her which she subsequently ignored. A month prior I introduced the my best friend to this girl and you guessed it she decided to hook up with him in September. I was completely devastated and felt betrayed as I sat between them and was pretty much coddled like a baby as I had explained to me why they felt they should be together. Had this happened today my mouth would not have been shut I can guarantee you that. Well anyway the next four months saw me grow extremely close to my neighbor who knew how this girl was firsthand and treated me like a brother.

Now during these four months this girl kept in contact with me because she appreciated how I treated her and how I always listened. I had the pleasure of hearing her complian and weep over my friend on a weekly basis and tried convincing her to get over him with personal motives behind it as in please be with me. Apparently they broke up and got back together again and so on.In November she came over my house for a "study session" and we ended up making out. I thought wow this is awesome were gonna be together, its what I had been wishing for. After which she tells me it was a mistake and for me please not to tell my friend, I obliged because Im a nice guy. Anyway by Christmas we were sexting and by January we were hooking up, after each time she tells me she doesn't wanna get serious and I again obliged not to upset her or ruin possible chances of a relationship. Things finally start getting serious by middle January and by Valentine's day I feel like this is really going to work. Little did I know that I was in for 10 months of manipulative agony.

It started with a huge argument over getting aggrivated she wasnt putting her status on facebook as "in a relationship". I know its kinda trivial but still it told me that she didnt consider me her boyfriend and as it turned out I was right after my best friend also known as her ex-boyfriend who she later told me she slept with, told me she told him we weren't together because I hadnt technically asked the girl I had been hooking up with for almost 2 full months to "go out" and there was no anniversary date. So after finding out I pretty much had a friend with priviledges for the past two months I said fuck it and went to Florida for spring break. We had a moment the night before I left and for the week i was in FL she cried everyday and looked out the window for my car. I got back and things were good for a while. I felt she appreciated me more now after having not had me and I loved her for realizing this.

Skipping ahead to August she began getting extremely cold towards me, pushing me away for seemingly no reason and telling me she was sick of all the "lovey dovey shit" hmm apparently I was acting like a good bf and that was a problem? Anyway as usual I continued to be the good and doting man in the relationship giving her rides and whatnot. Apparently she asks her ex...again my best friend if there are any girls he knows that are bisexual because oh yeah this girl is also bi. Anyway he tells one of his exes that my girl(his ex) is lookin to hook up and 2 weeks later my girl is sleeping over and making out with this chick while telling me we need a break and is seduced by this new bi chick who is manipulating her into loving her. Anyway these feelings towards this girl lingered as renewed feelings for my bestie grew. A day in September she "went to the store" and I was always suspicious of this day. Come to find out she drove the 25 mins to his house and hooked up with him, she was also sexting him for several weeks, sending nude pics and even pics of me to him because she was under the false impression he was bi as well (he told her that just to hook up with her) haha how naive she is.

Anyway I was treated like shit by her as usual during these very tough times in which all she showed me was attitude and infidelity, not deserving of 1% of my love or affection I soldiered on in the hopes of repairing this broken personality and mending the damage that had been done to her by her emotionally abusive family, or so I was told. Truth be told he family is awesome and she clearly has emotional issues that puts her at odds with them. Heaven forbid though that I tried to mention this to her or else I will get berated and shit on verbally.

Anyways after finding out she cheated on me with men and women I took her back after she begged and pleaded and cried, promising to change her ways. Wow what a fool I was to believe her sob story and promises. Just last night I accidentally stepped on a picture fame she was using to make a gift for one of her friends. I was sick as a dog and I went over her house to keep her company like a good bf but it was a mistake because the ensuing freak out by her in which she criticized, insulted and berated my awkward personality, blaming it for all of my flaws left me feeling hurt and beaten psychologically. This same "awkward" personality is apparently the same reason she actually dis-invited me last minute from her grandmothers Christmas Ever party, something I had been looking forward to for a solid month, oh and she did the same thing at the Easter party (thanks for giving me a chance bitch) anyway a huge argument ensued and all she had to say was "you are soo awkward, everyone can see it, it makes me feel uncomfortable and everyone can see it" haha well in comparison with what you've done to me I say this is all pretty fucking trivial I say. Oh but it doesn't matter because she always needs to be right and I "just don't see it", no honey your the one who doesn't see it. In conclusion she is at work right now and will be off to her friends so I wont have to see her and be abused today. I'm seriously considering finally ending this before i'm permanently scarred. I absolutely love her there's no question bout that but she needs to go on some meds or see a therapist, she has actual psychological problems and when they're in full swing it compromises her clarity and hence she doesn't see her wrongs. Ive tried everything but it always seems to go back to the way things were. Even her own grandmother has told me shes a bitch and when shes like that ";tell me and ill kick her ass". However she still remains jaded to all these facts and continues to be moody and irrational....What the Fuck Do I DO!?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010):

id advise a sharp exit mate these things rarely if ever change and if they do its often for the worst. moody people tend to be just that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010):

I think I should add my story.

My gf and I have been dating 5+ years, 6 in march and she can be a total, enraging Bitch!

My gf is taller then I am by a few inches. I'm often teased about this, while this in itself is light hearted it's all part of the build up. She is bigger and stronger than myself, which you wouldn't guess only by looking this woman has arm power. We play wrestle alot *sounds so red neck .* try to hold eachother down and/or tickle into submission, never anything violent mind you, she 9/10 times wins *I can't stand being tickled major weakness* and I get teased about, again nothing serious all light hearted but part of the build up.

Getting into more serious things, if I voice an opinion about something she utterly disagrees with she will attack it with her own opinion. Now I have nothing against her having her own opinions. what I have a problem with is the way she states it drips with spite. Her tone and look read "no you f88king moron, this is how it is* If I try to express how that makes me feel I get "well if thats how you wanna take it."

In an argument, she HAS to be right. She has this special abiltiy, where I can go into the argument feeling 100% justified with every single reason behind it lined up and ready to eplain and by the end of the argument its like I can't even remember wtf just happened! All I know at that point is that the argument is over * or it isn't getting any better* and she has won it and left me confused in the dust.

When we get into an emotional argument about these kinds of things and how these things make me feel, she shuts herself down. She won't listen to a thing I have to say and her one and only response is "If thats how you wanna take it"

To which my usual response is "How the ***k else am I suppose to take that kind of negativity?"

to which her reply is silence, maybe a smirk. It's not the silence of someone you've stumped for an answer. It's the silence of someone who doesn't care to answer. You can feel the difference.

So, by this I can see that in this relationship that I am always wrong, I have no clue how to read my girlfriend or else I "wouldn't be taking it that way", I am made to feel metaphorically small and weak, as well as physically weak. Did I mention she's slapped me a couple of times, and even once punched me in the face?

Sounds like a pretty terrible relationship no? Please continue reading and i'll explain why its not.

First, one has to understand my GF's past to truly appreciate what I've got to say here. She has had a rather shitty family experince in one where she has had to fight. Her mother, her sisters and a physically abusive step-father followed by a sexually abusive step-father whom her mother is still seeing. Yeah thats right, her mother chose a molester over her own flesh and blood. She was out in the streets living in her car by the age of 16. She's been constantly called a bitch and this is something she can't stand.

When I get really hot about an issue, I tend to use my words to hurt as much as possible. In my relationship I know that the word Bitch is something that my girlfriend cannot stand and will not put up with this has been talked about and there are times when i've used it, and there for have been slapped. At the time I thought it unfair and even slightly destructive but knowing things behind it, I should have kept a smoother head and had the decency to never use this word against her, especially knowing her past, but I have and it hurt her more then I knew. This was a problem at the beginning of our relationship and has not reoccured in years. I have since never been as insensitive to use the term those other two "men" have used to her so many times. It is understandable why the word bitch and only the word bitch gets this kind of reaction out of her. It is no longer a problem.

I said also that she had one time punched me. To sum up, we had gotten into one of those major arguments. Screaming at eachother kinda arugments. She walked away and I felt the need to hit something so I took that anger out on the door, Stupid I know but an example of how I can let my anger get the best of me, something we are both very guilty of. She walked in as I was pulling my fist back. I stumbled when I Saw her face because I had no intention of hiting her but she had no way to know that. Because of her past and what she's had to deal with her first instinct was that I was going to hit her so she defended herself. Anybody in the right state of mind would do the exact same. Once we had both calmed down and talkd about the situation we were able to explain both our sides calmly. This is an event that my girlfriend deeply regrets, something that we've brought up months even a year later and it brings her to tears to this day to even think about it. I know without a shadow of a doubt that she feels terribly bad about that day. It was my own choice on wether or not to forgive and forget. I choose to forgive and that is my choice alone, something that I cannot take back. To be fair, even though I have forgiven her I have used this against her, unfairly, in a later argument. It again made her cry where she usually stands tall and has an "i don't care what you say" attitude.

Now hitting in itself is never a possitive thing. It is something that shouldn't take place between two people that care about eachother but it does. What you have to ask yourself is, "did I deserve that specific slap?" Yes, I used a word that i knew would have the most painful effect on her, right at the climax of an argument. Now here is a double standard, ladies if your man EVER hits or slaps you it is NEVER justified and you should leave his ass asap. In my reltionship, her slap wasn't an attempt at abuse though it is abusive in and of itself, it was an expression of pain, a statement saying "how could you ever say that to me, knowing what you know!" its like the ultimate betrayel. I've come to understand this and if it were any other way I would have walked out that door a long time ago.

The puch, believe it or not, was purly accidental. It is the one and only time she has ever used her fists against me, but it is also the one and only time I will allow it regardless of where we are at in our relationship and this has been specifically expressed between us.

Then there are other things that completely overshadow the bad in our relationship. When my girlfriend is angry and we are in an argument, as i've said she shuts herself down. When we arn't in an argument she is the best listener you could ever ask for in a partner. We have been through alot together and there is not one single thing that this woman doesn't know about me and she accepts everything as I do her. She knows me so well that not only can she utterly defeat me in an argument she can in turn brighten up my entire day with a single act.

When we're happy in eachothers arms we can spend moments just looking at eachother, smiling. Many of our friends have commented that they can see the love between us and root for us. My family adores her alot more then I think she realizes or even lets herself see. My older sister and her are now best friends *and trust me thats a statement that carries alot more meaning then you readers can guess, you'd have to know my sister* She is the first to offer myself or them advice or help in anyway she can.

While this woman is as tough as nails, she is the sweetest sweetheart i've ever know. She genuinly cares about others more than herself. I must admit that her ability to care for others over herself has irked me quite a bit in the past but even though it can be a little nerve wrecking it is part of the beauty that makes her who she is.

This woman can make me laugh more than any other girl i've ever liked. She is more of a friend then any other girl i've ever liked. In my eyes she can be so adorably cute and precious that if I linger on it it can bring me to tears.

So yes, she can be overly defensive by no fault of her own, and I can go wild with my anger by ..well.. by fault of my own because no one controls me but me. But for all that she is my princess of all princessess, and I am her protector in the dark.

She is the love of my life, and I can tell just by looking into her eyes that I am the love of hers.

You take the good with the bad. She brings out the best AND the worst in me and I do the same for her, but this allows us to re-examine those parts of us and then it is up to ourselves to improve from there. We help improve eachother.

This is what a relationship is about. There are hills and valleys. There is nothing wrong with leaving the path, but both of you must want and agree upon traveling it together. There is no other person in the world i'd rather walk this path with by my side, for all our faults and perfections.

Also keep in mind, you can make your relationship sound as good or as terrible as you want. Even still, people looking in will always interpret things differently. When it comes to a relationship no one can tell you what to do but you because only you and you alone know every aspect of your relationship. You know the good and the bad and if the bad outweighs the good it may be time to move on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010):

If a man is really and truly being treated like total shit by a woman, the proper thing to do of course, is to dump her and then never see her or have any more contact with her. Ever. Sometimes, no matter how deeply and powerfully a man loves a woman who is being such a royal Bitch to him, as hard as its going to be, he must end it. For good. If he stays with her, then he must accept and tolerate who and what she is because she will never, ever change. He will then only have himself to blame and can no longer whine, bitch and complain about her nasty, mean spirited, total bitch behavior toward him.

My girlfriend and I have been together 15 months. She and I have been through all the trials and tribulations couples, married or not, go through. We have been through dumpings and reunifications. We have had many arguments, spats and disagreements. At times, we have driven each other up a wall and feel like pulling our hair out as a result. We have gone through long periods of no sex because she did not feel like it. We are in one of those periods right now.

At times, my girl can be really bitchy, snippy and pissy toward me. But, thank goodness, its only at times and not all of the time. At times, I am no picnic to be with either.

I have anger issues that I struggle mightily to keep under tight control. I am loaded with many unattractive flaws.

I very much have the option to dump her for good. I have come close to that several times. But I did not. I have chosen to stay with this woman...because I love her with all my heart and soul. I cannot and will not live without her. When things are good, they are great. She is very loving and affectionate. Shes smart with a nifty sense of humour. She is also the prettiest, sexiest most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. Her looks and body take my breath away. There is no other woman for me. So, all things about her considered, I have made my choice so I have realized that I can no longer complain about her flawed personality traits. And as such, its on me to be a better man and work on my own imperfections and problems while I tolerate and try to help her with hers. I am 52, Shes 50. She is in peri (pre) menopause. It has hit her very hard. Her doctor is helping with it and I am doing what I can to be understanding, accepting and supportive.

Perimenopause can indeed make a woman behave as if she has lost her grip on reality. It makes her irrational, moody, hostile and it really interferes with a woman's ability to think and reason clearly. My girl just began this awful phase about 6 months ago and it has really complicated things but we are both working through it and she will always have my love, caring, acceptance and support. In spite of her being very bitchy at times and in spite of her recently breaking my heart, I have totally forgiven her and I took her back. I am very glad I did and I have no regrets.

She loves me deeply, powerfully...and when things are great she makes me feel like a real man and she makes me want to be a better man.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010):

Hi, Well after reading every post on this blog it has become apparent to me that my gf isn't as bad as I first thought -wahoo! Yes she had an unfortunate upbringing which has affected her ability to deal with frustrating and otherwise annoying issues and personality traits, but over our 10 years has improved and says I've been a postive, calming influence on her. Still accuses me of irrational things now and again but I think it's workable when it's bad and great when it's great! Find the line that won't cross and take a moment to criticise yourself before criticizing someone else and you may not bother. If someone is going off, threatening to involve their parents as you don't feel qualified to help them with their current mental anguish often acts as a reset switch!! We can't live without them though so what other choice do we have?!

Play on people!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010):

hi.

i can honestly say that i act like a bitch most of the time when im so stressed. me and my fiance just broke up. i really love him a lot but it always stressses me out how he cant be a man. we are planning to marry next year, yet, he never even mentioned even once about getting ready for our wedding. instead, he plans on buying luxurious stuff that he cant even afford. when i tell him we need to save for the wedding, he just says "ok". i know he loves me so much and would do anything for me. i have been patient towards him for the first year we are together hoping somehow he will grow up and be a man. i want to marry him, but its too late. he got tired of me as i got tired of him. there is always an issue why an attitude occurs. oh well. maybe its just not meant to be. moving on..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010):

Its amazing how many people out there share the same problem. Let me share my story with you. ive currently been with my girl for 10 months now and 3 years ago we saw each other for 2 months but she still had her ex bf ringing up and going to her house so anyways i let her go back then. after about a year she started fb me and sending me texts and everything i was pretty cold cause i saw her going in and out of a relationship every 2 months or so and new that she was with the same ex that was around when i was so whatever, late last year i decided to send her a message to wish her a happy bday and from there we started talking and i went past hers and hooked up again. At the start of the relationship her ex boyfriend would still come around and bring her chocolates (hed get the bus cause the loser had no licence) and this happened on a few occasions, hed call the house while i was there and so on. Anyways we went to this party one night and i was sitting by the pool and looked over to where my girl was and she was there kissing her friend and her frined was textin another guy the pic. i got up and walked outside cause i didnt want to make a scene and in that time a good friend of mine called and i explained the situation to her to see if i was overreacting, while i was on the phone my girl came out and asked who i was talking to i lied and said my brother the first time then i told her who it was, she turned around and walked off and was a real cold person to me telling me she hates me and she doesnt want to be with me bla bla bla, after a few days had passed she picked me up and we went past her sisters place, while i was playing soccer in the backyard with her nephew he told me that i play better then (ex bf name here) and im like why did you say his name and he told me that he was over 3 days prior to that party. and i was shocked i didnt know what to do but we went back up to my girl and her sister and the nephew repeated the same thing out loud infront of them and i asked what does he mean to my girl she just turned around and said no he wasnt here. later on she admitted to letting him in. we soughted this out and moved forward or so i seemed. months on end had gone by and still my head was being done in about my female friend who i spoke to on the phone at that party. i never brought up her and her ex babysitin at her sisters only if she did and it still goes on. i broke up with her and she was devasted crying to me and promising me that she would change BULLSHIT i allowed her another chance and what do u think is still going on? yep you guessed it that im infatuated with that friend. what do i do ?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010):

HELP!

So I've been sent to the couch a total of three times this week. The first fight of the week was all my fault because I "snapped" about something. She threatened to break up with me, then she said that we should see other people to make sure this is right. She continues to tell me that she can find a new boyfriend in 2 hours, that she's got them waiting. So basically she is threatening to cheat on me, telling me she's going to go crash at guys places over the weekend. We worked things out, and she blames the night on me, so she's cold to me all week... She then has an anxiety attack on Friday night. This all started because she said I did not touch her enough or talk enough while her friends were over. Her friends were about as talkative as a brick wall, and she doesn't come close to me once over the course of the night, yet it's still my fault...

Fight number three for the week: She calls her ex boyfriend... While talking to him she shuts herself into the bedroom for privacy. Keep in mind that she just finished telling me about how she misses him (I've been dealing with this shit for a year). So she talks to him for a half hour then comes out and feeds me some bullshit about how he's depressed and she's so happy about it...

The day goes by, were sitting on the couch.. I just got a job offer, and she tells me that she's concerned about the amount of money they offered me, then immeadiately goes on to talking about how she wants a guy with ambition. So with that being said, it sounds as if she was applying that to my situation, right? So i started explaining to her that I have ambition, and she claimed that I once again snapped. Yeah I was upset that I my girlfriend doesn't feel as if I have ambition.

So I then brought up how much her constantly communicating with her ex boyfriend drives me f'ing crazy. And how she is continuously controlling and manipulating me. She's now in tears, but still doesn't see my side at all. What the heck am I to do? I love the girl, but I want to be treated well, if she treats me well, I'll treat her the same way. I am constantly doing everything for her, but yet, I don't feel like I get that back from her. She has me working to earn her back constantly, but it doesn't seem as if she gives back the love. I'm at my wits end with this one, I love her with all of my heart, but we continuously fight about what I am doing wrong. Why can't she grasp what is bothering me????

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010):

This is obviously a cry for help. It seems to me you guys are just pushovers. Your girl is asking you to step up and be the man. You have to separate things from tolerable and intolerable. In other words determine in your mind exactly what is fair and unfair. Once you have determined that you do not need to waver at all, stick with it, because you deserve to be treated fairly and with respect as well. Also, be sure that you are doing all you can do to ensure you are trying to be the best person for yourself. Never ever compromise your happiness for someone else’s.

Sometimes women are like this because it's all they know and all they understand. They fight because they feel like they have to be defensive they have to be strong. Your job is not to tell them everything they do wrong, but to show them though their own actions, what they are doing wrong. Basically, present them with evidence that they cannot deny.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010):

I like how every female reader writes "HEY STOP CALLING HER A BITCH, GET IN IT EMOTIONALLY, TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL"

She might treat you like shit because she subliminally wants you to leave, perhaps she is a sadist, or maybe she has a social disorder. Whatever the reason is, you should probably split for a bit/go on break. See what life was like when you were single and just try to enjoy yourself. If you guys truly love each other, you will probably get back together.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010):

My Girlfriend of a year and a half is acting out most of the signs here. she is a complex girl but i don't think it is any reason to be constantly abused by someone i love. i have been trying hard to curb her out-bursts of aggression, abusive words, paranoia and lack of common manners. im getting pretty fed up and her shit is effecting me more and more. im seeing little to no change at all, except less physical violence. i think ill pull the pin soon because im failing to see why someone can show such a horrible side towards someone who gives them nothing but love, patience, support and understanding.

to the majority of female responses; unfortunately there isn't allot of attention or understanding of the types of relationships in which many men on this post have described. so leave your "two sides of the story" comments else where. a person knows when the thing they love most is abusing them, and all they are trying to find answers, comfort, advice or understanding. men are perceived as 'simple' and 'that we don't understand women'. these terms are only fuel for the fire used time and time again. believe me any of us would love to understand why these types of women feel its ok to treat a person like this.

a person in love will try everything to fix their relationships, we have. there is no reasoning when a relationship has gestated to this point. these types of ladies (i throw this term around) will do and say anything. no limits means no love!!!

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A male reader, bama118 United States +, writes (17 July 2010):

same situation here. my girlfriend is like day and night. ill be at work and she will text me telling me that she cant wait to see me and that she loves me so much..well when i do see her she acts totally different. we make plans to go out, and then she finds some way to get pissed off at me and then cancels. i dont wanna say that she is manipulating, but it sure seems like it. seems like there is nothing i can that is good enough for her. we split up for about 5 months and it seemed like the hardest thing id ever done. well we got back together, and im fulfilling my part in the deal with shutting my mouth when i know im about to say something stupid (that may cause an argument)...and showing her more love and that i really do care. not being a jerk more or less..but she is still the same way as she was before. i just dont know what to do anymore.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

There are two sides to every story. If your talking about marrage then there's obviously something there, otherwise you two would no longer be an item.

Im reading all these men ranting and bashing women about their "bitchines" but have any of you men thought of why your girlfriend or exgirlfriends acted the way they do or did?

Do u know them well enough? Do you know their history? Everyone is a product of their enviorment. Its possibe their attitudes are an aquired trait, its also possible that they have many stressors in life.

Women just like you Men are not perfect.

Whatever the case is listen to your heart. If you feel it's going to work, both you and she will make it work.

Relationships can be tricky. Its a two way street. Respect,Patience,Trust,Understanding and a lot of LOVE will keep you two together.

If you have good communication you both will be fine. Remember when YOU hurt she hurts. When SHE hurts you hurt. Find the happy medium.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND THE BEST OF LUCK TO YOU BOTH.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010):

I'm in a similar relationship that I have been in over a year. The person I am with has absolutely no regards to my feelings or how she is treating me. I know what these posters are going through and I would give some advice but I would be a hypocrite.

Now I am a man but even I have feelings, we just don't show it as much but women know how to get to our core. Recently my girl got in a fight with me because I was playing a slot machine while talking to her on my iphone and it has escalated from there. I am recently turning 30 and she is threatening to not even make an appearance to my party, how jacked up is that?

The problem is just that, I'm turning 30 and I am afraid that if I dump this bitch that I wont be able to find another single, non-divorced, no kids, attractive woman. So I put up with it and hope things get better but deep down I know they wont. She is too damn self centered to care about anyone but herself and I hate myself for being unable to pull myself away.

I feel for you guys, being alone for the rest of your life is almost preferable than putting up with this but alas we all required human companionship. Maybe the guys that married earlier in life had the right idea. I don't know, best of luck to you guys and I hope you find someone that appreciates you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010):

To comment on that chick about telling her how it affects you, yeah, we've all tried that. I came from a similar situation. Me and my girlfriend have been togeter for a year and a half, and she's been my best friend since we were 7 years old believe it or not. And iv loved her for quite sometime. She lives in my neighborhood. Her mom was a crazy psycho, and she is now not allowed to see her mom ever again, even though she hates her mom. But lately, she's so controlling, and to be honest I kiss her ass 24/7 and I do whatever she wants to make her life easier and to be honest, I think I'm too nice of a boyfriend. But you gotta sacrifice sometimes to be able to love someone. But honestly she scares me sometimes because shes really abusive with her mouth, like extremly abusive. Sometimes it's better to just shut up, and let things roll along, but she can never do that, she treats me like crap, and can't trust me, she has trust issues cuz of her crazy of a mom, and I have done nothing. Lately, it's been real bad. She tells me she still loves me, but I asked her the other day why she's been doing this to me, and hurting me so bad, and not caring about my feelings, or even caring about my opinion, and then I asked if she's trying to get out if this relationship, and she says that she doesn't know but that's what it fells like she's doing. She swears she loves me, and she only wants to be with me, I told her she needs to talk to a conselor about her trust issues. I honestly wanna be with her for the rest of my life, I love her more than anything, but I'm scared to tie the knot because of this. I'm scared to get used to something, that's only going to hurt me more, sure there are times where she's normal, but the times where she's crazy overpower all of that. To be honest with you, idk how much more I cAn take of being treated like crap. A lesson for all you men, when getting into a serious relationship, don't be too nice, to be honest, I've learned it better to not beg, to just ignore it, they always come back, but if you get into a situation like mine, you either need to see a marriage counselor or some sort, or you nee to ditch out of there. Because when your dealing with a chick like this, a selfish controlling crazy woman, no matter how hard you try and tell them how you're affected, they don't listen, nor do they care. But the thing is, it's usually these types of woman that it's so easy to fall in love with guys, so watch out.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010):

dump that bitch. nothing will ever be good enough for her. save yourself some pain. buy a shovel and some lime and take care of this problem.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010):

I am 50 years old and in my experience if I would have listened to the Red Flags in my life, I would have spared myself an emense amount of pain. When you are hurt by a person the same way, repeatedly. This person who claims to love you and the person understands it is incorrect exreem behavior but does not compensate to try to make it up to you in some way.

Then understand this person will most likely not change. If they understood what they did and love you then they would want to compensate for it.

That Red flag is not a caution sign. It is a Banner saying PAIN just ahead, and we dont like pain so take your eyes off the tits or the ass or the face or eyes and how pretty they are and think to look at the spirit of the person..

The reason you see the Flag is that your brain probably cannot wrap around how someone could act like that to anyone, especially the ones they love. But if you feel your doing her a service and that you can change her then you would not be here. It's always the nice ones that you regret in life not the ones that hurt you. If she wants to see a shrink to help herself and you then that would be one thing. Something that shows effort and love. But if its about you waiting for her to learn how to treat others then your in for some pain my friend. I would leave peacefully before time makes the wounds deeper and hate gets into the act.

Best of Luck my friend.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010):

I must be king of the Dumbo's so learn from my anguish. Ive been with my Woman for going on 12 years. The first year I saw red flags, but like someone else said the sex was great and often and she has some qualities I liked but she is a bitch when she doesnt get what she wants and has a very abusive mouth. She identifies with it at times but never at or near the time of the problem, and can have an ugly attitude. I have talked it from every angle and done everything but smacked her. I am currently planing my escape as I tried to get her to assist me so we can both be happy and resonable, she refuses. I should have done this years ago but I was to gullible and wouldnt believe what I was seeing. Now I see that part of her loves me but I only get to spend about 2 weeks a year with that part of her and the rest of my life is with the physco that you can not reason with using any logic. That person makes me sad and hurt and that is most of the reality that I live in with her.

I feel for the guys that go through this. Its horrible.

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A female reader, xanthic United States +, writes (17 June 2010):

xanthic agony auntIt's ridiculous how many of you are throwing around the word 'bitch', saying your girlfriends are terrible people, yet you're still in the relationship. Remember, there's two sides to every story. If things are really that bad, leave. No one is twisting your arm to put up with anything.

To answer the OP's question, make it clear to her how much it affects you. Let her know there are real consequences to her actions, i.e. breaking up. People can't always help being in a bad mood, but there's a point in which it crosses the line and becomes abusive. If she doesn't change, you can either live with it or find someone else that won't take her frustration and anger out on you. I know it's more complicated than just leaving, but you need to decide what you want, and if the cons outweigh the pros in your relationship.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010):

I had this new girlfriend for 2 months. She would get pissed for really strange reasons. At first I tried to ignore her, and talk cheerily to her. No impact, made her more angry as though I didn't understand that she was angry, so she tried more to show it.

So I dumped her - told her "Either I'm the type of guy that makes you angry, or you are a moody person". Both things aren't good, so hasta la vista !

Feel very good now that I've dumped her. Shame that she was so good at sex, but even her offer of a 3some wasn't worth hanging around with that.

AJ

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010):

Well, I`ve put up with my X-Gf`s bullshit for quite a while, then I just realized it`s absolutely not worth it at all. If you can`t get along nicely, then it`s just not meant to be. I`m a pretty patient person and wait, and do everything to get things fixed, otherwise I just feel bad. But finally I told her to go f**... and I was reborn. I now have a girl for 2+ years and it started to get awfully familiar at some point, but instead of going along with the bitching and shit, I just told her:"Look, if you don`t like this and that and all the things you think should go another way, you can just go, and never call me back, cause I`m just not doing this." Then comes the fight, then the appologies from her, and after a while- the same shit. Then I thought a lot and desided to just ignore all this. When she get`s moody I just go along and tell her that it`s not gonna help anything, she`s just going to piss me off, and that`s not a good idea. Eventualy she became more undertsanding, when I tell her that I`m goin somewhere, she knows I won`t cheat, she knows I`m not going to do something stupid, I`m just gonna see some friends, have some beers, go fishing or whatever. Well, the ocasinal bullshit fight is imminent but I`m not backing up, and she knows it now, and we ussually understand each other quickly on the subject. All I`m saying is: don`t be a fool, don`t let her be in charge of you, do not be a sucker and do every stupid thing SHE WANTS. All it`s nessesary is to snap at her just one time so she can see what`s it to be on the recieving end, give her "the look" as like "only one more shit you give me, it`s gonna be HELL on you missy". This way you win her respect and stop being (in her eyes) a toy she can kick around. This concerns fight and moods about just she being a bitch, not serious matters. And please no violence.( but a woman has to know that you can kick her face in, and not rely on the "I`m a girl, you can`t touch me" shit. She has to know that you don`t smash her up like you would a guy, not cause she`s a woman, but because you love her, and care about her, and she has to also do this for you. Win respect, tell her to chill wen she starts with the bithcing, do nice thing for her and everything is going to be fine. If not just say bye, and don`t look back.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010):

i grown up with my parents and society telling me not to be a player, but my gf can be a real bitch. i wish i just "played the field" sometimes instead of having this women put me down all the time. she is a bitch to everyone, it makes me wonder how she gets through life being so negative. its like a fucking mental illness!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010):

Look right now my girlfriend is the same exact way..two personalities though one for me and the good for everyone else that calls her on the phone or her family..She says dont feel bad if I am acting weird towards you the next couple of weeks...which really means months..We have been together for 3 years now the first year was amazing she was everything a man could want..even swallowed yeah i said it ...b ut that has all changed never wants to have sex doesnt want to swallow and is the biggest bitch you could ever dream of i am now moving out within the next week if your girl is anything like this get a good pair of shoes and run... or just run barefoot I thought I could always run faster that way anyways...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010):

I have similar problems with my girl friend, she even later apologizes about it, but I feel you man it is annoying as hell and the only thing I can think of to “reduce” it is to try to take as much stress away as possible. Example standing in a line if she dose not have a cell phone to keep her preoccupied, Try to distract here with something like rubbing her shoulders or remind her of some upcoming event that is going to be fun or reminisce about a past experience that was. But for getting rid of it all together I don’t have any good suggestions. Win the loto and retire lol. Maybe try couple counseling. Exercise (running) is a good way to reduce stress.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010):

hey buddy. i understand exactly what you are going through. my GF acts like a bitch 24/7. i love her, but somtimes shit has to end, you know?

Try telling her you love her, but you cant put up with this shit anymore.(dont acually say sit though!). Take her to dinner , tell her you love her, then ask why she acts like this. Good luck buddy, and remember - your feelings count to.

good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010):

i personally think that you shoudl just dump her. like if she starts doing that around your family, friends exetera... they might hate her... but, if she wins the lottery or finds crack on the ground you have to keep her becuase that would be really useful in your life and sereously, who care about your family

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010):

I've been with my gf for 2 1/5 yrs now and have a 9month old daughter. She was great before she became pregnant but then it went down hill. She complains about everything, thinks i'm cheating on her (even though she doesn't want to have sex more than once a month) (P.s. i'm 21) and that i don't do enough. I work 50hrs a week making roughly 60k a yr to pay for the house i bought, the car she drives, the food,...so on and so forth. I can't hang out with any of my friends, she has locks on the tv, hides my keys so i can't leave, didn't let me go to my friends 21 bday party, didn't let me have a 21 bday party...so on and so forth. I'm a pretty nice guy who has to tried to give her everything and i have never cheated on her or made her think i would. I love my daughter more than anything in the world and i've tried to make this work, even convinced her to go to couples couseling but after 5 sessions i just can't stand her anymore nor do i want my daughter to see the way she acts when she gets mad at me.

I"m done with her, i'm ready to be able to see my parents, i'm ready to be able to relax and not get ridculed 10 times a day. I'm ending it tonight...best of luck to all and best of luck to me...

You only live life once and if you stop and think, and truly hate your life, not in a depressed poor me way but you just dont enjoy it, work is an escape from home, it should end. There has to be happiness out there, there has to be a person who can love you for who you are, what you do for them, and respect you...has to be

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010):

I'm reading these blogs and I know what everyone is going through. My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 years and we have two kids and one stepchild together. Its easy for anyone who doesnt have kids to just get up and go but its not that simple when you have kids. Theres times when she would be the sweetest person in the world and the littlest thing will set her off and she turns into a raging bitch and goes off right away and she wants to break up over the dumbest things. We always break up for like a month but get right back together again. This has happened my 5 or 6 times. I know love her but can she say the same for me??? Well hopefully things will get better in the future.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010):

Leave her man, I've been with the same type of girl for four yrs now; I wish someone told me to leave her before it got so serious. My life is a roller coaster because of her; I have no idea how I'm gonna get through it.

Cheers

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010):

my girlfriend is the exact same way,even when I'm trying to help her out with something she still goes off on me for not doing it right,on top of that when i ask her politely to have patience for me she starts yelling at me even worse.she needs to take some responsibility for her actions.us as men need to put our foot down BUT in a polite,assertive way.how??i don't know yet.the most we can do is have patience for our girlfriends or wives. good luck bro

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010):

Dear Men,

There are soooo many emotions that a female goes through.... that's what we want you to believe, however, it really isn't here are the emotions I go through right before I "Blow fire";

insecurity, jealousy, anger, and resentment....for whatever reason, once these feelings are conjured together, I get into my very stubborn state of mind and all I can do is attack!!! In any way possible. At this point I don't care what I say, my goal is to make you hurt as much as I am hurting. Why? because you made me feel this way.

So this is what I go through with my BF of 5 years... and he is still with me...(y i don't know). I am writing with truth because reading all of your blogs helps me to gain insight. What most of the men have written is from honesty and I know you are helpless as to what you should do when your girlfriend gets to this point. And the worst part is that if you have managed to get her to "talk " about her feelings and calmed her down.... and you feel good and think it's over- five minutes later she could/usually does blow up again. Let me tell you, I do this. A Lot. I blow up five minutes later because the pain, jealousy, anger, I'm explaining doesn't go away. The action that set me off doesn't go away because I talked about it. Don't get me wrong... it does help, it just wont make it go away..or undo the past- which is what I want to happen...the impossible.

Now do I want to change? Yes! Have I tried to change? Yes! does it work? no.... why? because those emotions are still their nagging me. And all I want is for it to go away.

I also wanted to address the fact that many women WEREN'T this way when you met them. I know I sure wasn't. I was happy with myself, VERY VERY secure with everything having to do with me, I was not a brat, I worked hard and still work hard for the things I want. I wasn't the type of female to mistreat a man or put him down (personally I think putting your partner down is like putting yourself down). But three years later I became this dragon I am now. I feel just as hopeless as many of you do with your gf's, and maybe they themselves feel hopeless.

Trust me when I say that the last thing I want to do is tell my BF I'm done with him, and his actions, or "you know where the door is" and any other variation of that. But when I get mad ALL OF THAT, all of my sanity goes out the door. And it seems like your gf does the same thing?

Hopefully this helps any male that has gone through this

to understand "us crazy fire-breathing bitches". Let me tell you, even if you think you found the woman that doesn't do this.... we all hold in our anger which turns into resentment and we don't hold it in for months we hold it in for years. And it does come up in every argument because we still feel the pain we felt the day it happened.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010):

The problem is that people don't show you their true colours in the beginning of the relationship and our physical attraction and love grows quicker then our ability to find the right solution and to stick with it once the problems arrive. I would like to know for the ones that did leave their girlfriend if they actually found the perfect one in return.

I think that people can change but first you need to be able to change yourself. There is a reason why you are in a bad relationship if you are in one.

Most people are looking for the perfect partner instead of trying to be the perfect partner for someone else. I have not found allot of accountability in these messages seems that all of you have bitchy girlfriend and in return to all be perfect boyfriends now what are the odds of that?.

I really like the advice of going out and working on yourself on looking great physically and financially(or other goals)ex: by getting ahead in your career so meaning investing in yourself since that is the only true person that you can change. I also like the message about self-esteem being low and how it is the reason why you where letting yourself be in a situation like this. Working on yourself emotionally (like writing on site like this and talking to friends, and working out and being healthy and let's not forget the spiritual side now..) you know it is hard for a bitch to be a bitch to someone that is very spiritual and grounded being that way makes it impossible for her to manipulate you and she would quickly laugh at herself for being a bitch LOL!

maybe those bitches can be useful in our lives and make us grow by simply accepting that we need to work on ourselves and think of it this way ..things are bad you so go out for a workout on a team sport have fun come back by that time you have missed the bitch and if she bitches for you being gone you don't care well worth it LOL!

deep down she is happy to be with you she just missed your ass LOL!

bitches beware we are not putting up with this any more...we are working on ourselves to be the best and sticks and bones won't break our bones or have us loose our cool so give it up! the princess act in old bring the fun the jokes the dream the nice moments and the passion...and guys remember the only way you can get someone to like you is by beginning to like them and to treat them well whether they deserve it or not and the key is in the self control change your minds and the rest will follow :) P.S. I understand both sides since I am a gay girl.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010):

Sit back an think about it. My wife has turned into a real treat. Its complcated but family life isnt what it should be. She has become reclusive and complains about evrything. We try to make excuses and help her see it but to no avail.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010):

Mine is the same way. I don't know what to do about it either. All I want to do with my life is help people. I love my girlfriend very much, but the way she treats everyone around her is humiliating at times. I'm sorry I can't help. Good luck to you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010):

I truly believe all that have gathered in this blog are under the same circumstances. I understand woman equality and all of that shit but frankly sometimes people need to be taught a lesson. My girlfriend of over a year and a half has persistently bitched me out for over a year. Everything is my fault regardless so on and so forth. I have provided everything for this individual. When she is on her ass with no car or roof over her head, she will realize what she had and what she has lost. This is called "tough love." parents have been using it for years. If a woman is good looking, 30 and single; There is something wrong with her. Run. My favorite saying is "No matter how hot she may be, someone, somewhere, is tired of putting up with her shit."

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010):

People don't change, don't fool yourself. :)

Find someone who will appreciate you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010):

My girlfriend is a raging bitch because I dont own a grapefruit spoon. BTW wtf is a grapefruit spoon?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010):

Trade/Sell Evil manipulative Girlfriend. Sex is good---Disclaimer Blow-jobs stop after a year!---

Willing to trade my "dragon" for a lesser dragon or maybe a pack of crackers; a two pack will do fine. I can relate to all the posts which makes me sick. I think there needs to be a training school for bitches. I wish i was a caveman just club the girl in the head do your deed then go play with rocks with the guys. My Gf hates when I relax...If I come home from work and want to grab a beer/watch a game. I am a lazy asshole. Did I mention in the trade you will never make enough money so, she will support (Call you lazy) to make more money to fund her hideous taste in decorating. Sorry so random but if you want to trade please email (email removed by monitor) Some details 24 Female huge boobs not fat she eats only health crap which cost alot an example is 4.50 for organic peanut butter. which last half as long she has supper hot sisters I mean the kind you can and want to get into trouble with.. She is emotionally unstable and will cry randomly and expect you to know so if you have physic powers you will have an edge that I do not have. If your black or poor sorry do not bother its not your fault its the way she was raised. Okay now this is just too long and I will never sell her or trade. Bid in confidence!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010):

Jesus This is exactly whats going on with me, my girlfriend is talking about moving in, but she is always whining about her job and that she has no friends and I'm not sensitive enough what the fuck does she want me to do when she is upset??? I get shouted at for working she goes fucking crazy if i dont answer her phone claims she does not see me enough even tho i dont see my friends? When i first met her she was amazing but now its constantly her upset, i dont want to break up with her as I will feel guilty as fuck, I do love her and rather she left me, ideal situation she became her old self again and everything went ok? it's a weird situation? why are they so complex? I wish i could give advice but i think i'm looking for it myself lol. opefully i'll sort it out.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010):

I married a total bitch and I'm already thinking about divorcing her after only 3 months. I would say, just dump yours now before things get too serious. It will hurt at the beginning but later you will feel so much better off. It's just not normal to have to endure that.

Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010):

you sound like a little bitch maybe shes the best youre ever gonna get :(

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010):

My girl friend is a selfish bitch. everything has to center around her. If i say something that is correct on my part she stays quite as if she doesn't understand what i'm saying. she does shit i don't like she fuckin ask me the most stupidest questions when were on the phone like who are u with, when you coming back, why do u have to call me back. lol i fell like im being introgated. and please don;t let me get started on her mom lol... but to answer your question it most likely wont stop cause my girl says she will change and then go back to her old ways a week later. so imagine how its going to be when u sign those papers buddy lol good luck though

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010):

It's unfortunate that you have to go through this :/

Sometimes there's an issue that has taken place that's never been resolved...was she always like this? If not when did it start? Did anything happen right before then? Those are some questions you need to ask yourself.

Sometimes it's a personal issue that you may not even know anything about and she's taking her frustration and anger out on everyone including you even if she doesn't mean to, sometimes it just can't be controlled no matter how hard she tries.

Other times, unfortunately, some girls are just a bitch and have no consideration for anyone's feelings but their own. It sounds like she has no respect for you as a human being or anyone else. It's also possible that even if she wasn't like this in the beginning it's only because she wasn't comfortable enough to show her true colors.

If she treats everyone that way just because things arent going the way she wants it to, then that is basically just who she is and expects the world to revolve around her. Those types of girls tend to never change. It takes a certain type of guy to be able to stand that and they are the ones that wont let them get away with any bs.

It's sad to say but a lot of times when someone is like this it's usually because they were spoiled by their parents and got away with everything, in which case, they think they can do the same to everyone else.

Even if you do love this girl more than anything you need to ask yourself seriously...is she really worth trouble? Can you out weigh the bad times with good ones?

Whatever your answer may be, remember that you deserve to be treated with love and respect too, not just her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010):

My girlfriend made me stop talking to all my friends and now I have no more friends. I spend hundreds a month on gas yet she bitches if I can't come over for some reason (like work). She bitched at me because I wanted to stop on Valentines day to see my mother for five minutes on the way to her house who only lives five minutes away from her house. She bitches if I fall asleep without telling her. She bitches if I wear clothes that I purchased before we started dating. She bitches if I spend any time with my family yet I spend 20+ hours with hers every week. There is just too much to list. Why do women do this? What the hell do they think they are accomplishing?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010):

I know how you feel!! The guy that called his girl a dragon said it perfect!! My girl is like a fire breathing dragon when she gets mad. She's like a teddy bear on crack... all cute and cuddly but will rip your head off and spit down your throat if you piss her off. And a smartass.... holy shit!!! Everything that comes out of her fire breathing mouth is a smartass comment or something negative. Sometimes when we are asleep at night I feel like I'm sleeping with undercover tasmanian devil. Bitch is crazy!! But I love her to death and when we're good we're great and the good times outweight the bad times so it seems right being with her. Love will make you do funny things but in the end they are usually all worth it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010):

I feel your pain. The good thing going for you is that she's still just a "girlfriend" not a wife and Im guessing no kids involved. You really don't want to spend your entire life feeling shit say once a week or more just because your girlfriend had a bad day. If you want to stay with her for any reason that's fine but never ever get into marriage and never ever produce an offspring. What you can do is invest in yourself be in shape, enhance your carreer (to a point you make 6 figures)and meet other girls.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

I was expecting more answers them simpathy, while googling this. But I guess if you knew the answer it wouldn't be a problem and you wouldn't be looking for one.

I actually read every single contribution.

Bottom Line Most People don't change. It sucks but it's true. And "Movie Love" like I like to call it is very scares. I'm not saying lower your emotional standards but sometimes you have to comprimise your expectations.

Wish I could listen to my own advise...

What pisses me off the most is that she will probably change after I give her the emotional slap in the face if I do leave and then some other assh*le will be there to pick the fruit... :/

It has been a year since you posted this so I hope everything is better... if it's not then maybe you are like almost everyone I know... at least you can consule yourself by knowing that you are like everyone else :P

LOL good luck anyway!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

It's the princess complex. They want everything NOW and perfect. They want results before NOW. eg...I can work a million hours a week and come home to her telling me I don't do enough cleaning around the house.That is only one of a few hundred things that I suck for. The lint on the carpet from the socks thing I can sympathize with too. Stomping and kicking she will surely try to get results from daddy. The problem is I'm not daddy.

You want to really piss someone off? Tell your GF her looks aren't making up for her attitude.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010):

I hear you man. My girlfriend always thinks shes right. She embarrasses me in public and shes a bitch, she doesn't stop making fun of me. The good part is that, if I don't talk to her for a few days she will apologize and I don't have to. Then we go back to being lovey dovey, until of course 2 weeks later when she goes back to being a t-Rex of a girl.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010):

I was wrong is the best thing you can say. Its absolutly fucking horseshit, but its all that will calm women's irrational minds down before they spit out more nonsense from their mouths.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010):

I know the feeling man. I love my girlfriend with all my heart. But she's so mean to me sometimes. Scratch that. Most of the time. When our relationship is good it's great. But when it's bad. It's horrible. When we fight, she doesn't care about my feelings at all. But I do. Even when we fight. I make sure I don't say hurtful things. But she always explains to me how she doesn't care and blah blah blah.

It makes me so mad! I don't know what to do sometimes. Today I stood up to her and told her to leave me the fuck alone. I'll see if that worked. Haven't talked in an hour. I always tell myself I won't give in. But I always end up talking to her. Damn it. Why is she such a great girl when things go her way! She's such a sweet girl. But really when she's mad. I hate her guts!

I am the best boyfriend I can be to her. And I try to keep her happy. But she still blame things that are out of my control on me.

She's also allowed to take out her anger on me, but I can't do that to her. Example: One time she was taking her anger out on me and I mentioned it. I told her she was and she shouldn't. Ever so nicely! Her reply? 'Fine, I'll just go find someone that will let me take my anger out on them.' I'm supposed to let her? The fuck?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010):

I fucking hate that shit. When my girlfriend gets annoyed with me she will stop at nothing to insult me and make me feel like shit. She never understands the concept of "Chill out" she simply thinks that I am being asshole when I am not. When I don't do things her way she is a bitch. It is fucking bullshit!!! AHHH!! when did the love die!!!?????

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010):

Im hving the same problem as a few of you, i love her to pieces and thought of being without her is horrible, but im sick to death of the constant bitchyness i recieve. She sks for spce i give it her, so i ask her to stop sleeping out ALL the time, i mean if you love someone you wanna be with them, but she seems to wnna be with every other person except me, she says she loves me but im starting to get depressed by it. Ive put up with a lot of shit from her, including her cheating on me the day after her birthday but ive stuck with her, shes finished me before and i nearly ended my life when she did, i love her and i truly need her but i cnt take much more

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010):

i thought i was alone,

right now my gf is pissed off at me because im only seeing her her for 3 hours in the after noon even though we spent all of yesterday and todays morning, im juggling exams and and trying to keep my family happy, my gf happy and looking after my dog,

she does it because she wants to see more of me, th thought is sweet, but the strings of abusive texts is not, i try to calm her down, but i am learning to use he 3 most useful words man will ever say to woman, I WAS WRONG then i just sit back let her tire herself out with empty threats and kiss and make up

not a perfect existence, but i love her enough to be happy with her how ever she is to me

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010):

unless you're really luck, (and i mean really lucky) you're most likely to end up with a woman with bitchy qualities so you can only just hope that your next girlfriend is less bitchy than the one you had before.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010):

Well this is cool I though I was the only one with my gilrfriend being a total spoiled bitch. my girlfried can be super nice one second then turn the table and then u are watching flames and acid shoot from her mouth she doesn't care if what she says is hurtful as long as she gets her way. i wish there was such a thing as a chick whisperer then it would make my life a little easer.

i love my girlfirend and I don't want to leav her but if it did happen I am at the point i just don't think i would care

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010):

Wow. Is everyone in here dating my girlfriend behind my back? I have so many of the same issues as you people, but one thing is different I have a 6 year old with my dragon! I love her and part of me loves to fight sometimes, but I don't want it to start to effect my sons life. I really think she is bi polar or something. Sometimes she can be the sweetest person and other times she's bitching about me leaving black fuzz on the carpet from my socks. Fuckin socks man! My advice to you is run! Don't look back, don't call in a moment of drunkin depression, just run! Because one night you will wake up and you have a 6 year old and you will be commenting on a stupid blog you found on the internet calling her a "dragon"!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009):

My wife of 4 years was like that, only the bitching got worse. Now she snaps for no apprant reason. Today she was served divorce papers. I had no choice and time is running out before alimony becomes an issue. Trust me, if you are already upset at the bitchiness, break it off asap. I wish I did.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009):

big hairy testicles

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009):

well us guys just have to understand that thats how it is, all girls turn into vampires when they get mad, i have the exact problem with my gf, all i do is tell her how i feel and she trys to reform, try that with your gf and if she truely loves you then you should be all good

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009):

Wow, you have described my gf exactly...including the calls to her maintanence office. ive tried to talk with her about her anger and it's like talking to an 8 year old.

i am pretty sure she hates me, but is scared to be alone. im waiting for the day i come home and all her sh!t is gone...i dont know if ill be sad or relieved

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009):

jump ship, if she is not changing now when its the risk zone of breaking up then what makes you think she will change when you're married and the risk zone is gone? think about it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009):

They all end up like that. It is in thier nature to ALWAYS believe that somebody and something better will come along.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009):

Here is the thing. People promise to change like they plead "Oh God, help me out with this one thing and I promise...." but they never really do. Change is complex, difficult, and way beyond our narrow span of attention. We are busy creatures and get lost in our lives way to easy. Does this mean you should leave her? Yes,no,maybe... it just depends. For some of you the answer is deffinately yes, for others it may not. The key is to ask yourself this, can you accept, live with, and work arround this flaw without killing each other or making each other absolutely misserable.

My Gf gets pissy sometimes too and it does bother me but for the most part I can just note that she is in a pissy mood and refrain from saying something stupid. If she is just obviously pissy but not agressively persuing an argument than I usually just aks her "you got the crabbies today?" if I say anything about it at all.

If she seems to be picking a fight I may say " I really do not feel like getting my head bit off so I am gonna go (someplace else)" and than I come back later and tell her sorry for getting so upset but it just seemed like you wanted to start a fight to me,and than I proceed to ask her whats got her so frustrated.

Usually she does not get so overbearing that she actively seeks to engage me and if this is the case you may want to consider just getting out. Ultimately what it comes down to is can youlive with her this way and can she live with your reactions. If you cannot except each other than get out while you still can stop wasting your time and go find the right woman.

Plain and simple people rarely make major life changes even when they are faced with death so if you are waiting for that to happen, don't hold your breathe.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009):

I can't quite believe how many people are in the exact same situation as me.

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A male reader, ponch8420 United States +, writes (18 December 2009):

I have the same problem with my girl. She is sweet and kind if everything is ok. As soon as something goes wrong she pops out her fangs and bites my head off. I just learned to deal with it. When she acts that way I just look at her and say "Babe you're being a bitch" she usually storms off then calms down and we work out the problem that pissed her off.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009):

Run!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009):

Well i am in the same situation believe it or not. I'm 16 though. My girlfriend sounds exactly like that in every way, taking out her problems on me and starting little "fights" and arguments with me and saying i start it. Its really pissing me off and i am on my last nerve with her at the moment and she keeps saying that she sees no future with me anymore but i keep thinking in my head i don't see one with her when she acts the way she does. I don't know what to do i love her but its so tough to deal with it all.

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A male reader, Welsh Pasty United Kingdom +, writes (28 September 2009):

Damn, I hate it when girls use hormones as an excuse to mentally murder you, I mean like come on everyone has hormones maybe not the the extent that a girl does.. But they almost use it as an excuse to make you their personal punchbag for the week.. Is it only me experiencing this?

My girlfriend has just completley changed in the last month or so, I moved in due to problems with my parents and things were going perfectly like a paradise.. But she slowly started to turn vulgar.

I became her little punchbag, We could be out shopping or something and she would find any excuse with what I say to snap and ignore me for.

For example.. We saw a nice car and it was a convertible and she was going on about how she wouldn't have the roof down when its windy because of her hair or whatever.. Fuck knows the fussiest species ever to exsist.

So i'm like.. "Oh haha you probably wouldn't have the roof down your right"

And she replies "Yes I would" and I replied " No you wouldn't you just said it" And she shouts like blah blah don't tell me what I would do and wouldn't do.. I'm like.. Im repeating what your telling me .. fuck sake.. Contradict much.

And its just been getting worse.. she shouted at me because of a pokemon game and ignored me for like an hour.. i mean cmon!!

She gets paranoid at all my female friends now and takes the anger out on me.. any sort of anger she has its my problem now..

The other day we were arguing but whenever we do, I'm trying to solve the problem by asking questions but shes just ignoring me and avoiding it.. but i wont leave it until we are settled and happy..

We were in the street when this happened.. and finally i got her speaking to me .. we got back later and within an hour shed kicked off again..

She is making it out to be on a constant "period" its horrible..

I don't think I have much options anymore.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009):

All women are bitches. Well ninety nine percent are. It's true ask your doctor.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009):

My Girlfriend is exactly the same way. I love her, but sometimes I want to choke the life out of her. How can you turn a spoiled brat into a normal human being?

Man love sucks.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009):

My gf can be the same way. When things are going her way shes such an awesome woman to be around, but if something falls out of "order", its world war III. I believe a lot about a person can be summed up according to their childhood. Some women were never taught how to deal with stress or unexpected changes against the norm, some women were abused physically or emotionally, some women were given everything and never had to work for it, much can be said for men too. Fortunately it is never too late to learn. Acceptance is the first hardest thing to accomplish. She either will or wont accept that she needs to work on something for her own happiness, after all if shes not happy with herself dont expect her to be happy with you. You should also think about how to accept her, truly, and be willing to stand by her during hard times. Though there is no excuse for horrible behavior, true character is shown how well you re-mount after falling from your horse. Good or bad, right or wrong are only things we assign to situations based on the control, or lack there of, of our emotions. You always have the ability to chose your attitude and ask yourself what is BEST for US. I sometimes forget and snap back when Im being yelled at in my ear, but consistency will hold true, just keep to finding the positive in the negative (there always is one) and use it to your advantage, she'll catch on, but maybe you have to lead the way. Hang in there.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009):

Chap, Yep my GF is a serious bitch too. I am not even allowed to touch her for some reason the last two days. She treats me like a piece of trash that didnt make the can. Anyway, I am going to dump her ass when she wakes up and ask her to take me to the airport so I can fly home.

Bottom line, they are all bitches some more than others. The trick is to find the one that is less than the others. I unfortunatly am currently stuck with the "more" at this point. Keep your chin up old boy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009):

Yeah. I hear ya. I just had a fight a few hours ago with my GF. She just doesn't make sense sometimes, and becomes bitchy really easily.

This morning, I got up to take a piss, and that pissed her off. So an hour of me trying to ask her what happened, what hurt her, what's wrong, etc., she snaps at me and says "You took our morning away by getting up." I ask her how me getting up ruined her morning (and now she won't allow herself to be happy for the rest of the day). So after a few minutes, she says if I wanted to know what was wrong, then I should have asked. So I tell her I did ask, and that it would be really nice if she told me. This somehow made her explode. She said "I have nothing to say," threw some stuff of mine that was in her car out of it, and drove home (we spent the night at my house). I texted her, saying i would go over to talk after I did some things. Now I have to decide if she and I are really staying together. She does this once or twice a week, and this is the beginning of spring break for me. I don't want to deal with her bull, and neither should you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008):

There's a reason why we describe some people as "negative". They have a counter-productive effect on the people around them. They discourage creativity, inhibit productivity by criticizing constantly, demoralize, isolate, etc. You have to rid yourself of such people in your life because they will poison you.

Nobody is perfect. True. There are harmless flaws (like absent-mindedness) that can be easily compensated with a positive attitude (i.e. "Ah crap, I forgot the beer! I'll be right back guys!") and there are harmful flaws (like impatience and lack of tolerance) that are selfish and don't contribute to any solution (i.e. "I didn't buy beer because I didn't feel like waiting in line and I don't feel like going back.")

Most importantly, the more negative a person is, the weaker they are inside. Don't be fooled by your girlfriend's strong front. She depends on you more than you think. Deep down, she's scared to death. Why else would she act like such a b*? There's no need for agression unless you have something to lose. So, the worse she gets, the more she feels she has to lose.

Therefore, if you just threaten to leave, she'll bluff until the end saying: "go ahead, I don't care, you know where the door is". But when you do leave, she'll crumble. Don't feel bad, she brought it upon herself. Ironically, this might be the shock she needs to become a better person (emphasis on the word "might"). Unfortunately, she'll have to be a better person for someone else. Or maybe a couple of years later, you might get back together. By then, I bet you will not want to take any chances.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

Hey Dude,

I can so empathize with you. I dated someone for almost three years ( honestly I think it was her longest relationship that she has had. Probably because I moved her into a home that was meant to be ours, and she wasn't paying for anything except for some of the food ). No matter what I said she felt the need to berate me. This is the best part it was always my fault.

Just one example (out of tons) we had gone to Florida for two weeks vacation. We had gone out for lunch and she wanted to split a meal. She wanted Mahi Mahi (fish, in case any one wants to know). I love fish, but had never eaten Mahi Mahi, plus I wasn't in the mood for fish. Let me tell you I still can't believe it, the argument she had started. I kept calm and said if you want Mahi Mahi get it I will get something else. Mind you she is a vegetarian and I never started an argument if she did not eat meat or something I was eating.

I figured out she was stressed and I knew why. She had applied for a Masters Degree to the Nutrition Program at Columbia University and was not accepted. When I approached her about it (to get her to open up and tell me how she was feeling) what a friggin toungue lashing I got (at the top of her lungs saying it's you, it's you ). Here I am trying to cheer her up and she brought me down.

My mistake was not ending the relationship ( because I am a sap and let my emotions get in the way ) it was not healthy for my state of mental health. I was changing I felt I had to yell louder than she was to be heard. Thats when you know things are going South.

No one should be treated like that and looking back I think in my case it had something to do with self esteem. Any way I wish you the best in what ever decision you make and remember no one should be treated like that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008):

your girlfriend needs some anger management therapy tell her to get some or say goodbye my past experience says run but your in love so fight for whats right dont let it slide kick ass now or she will be kicking yours .

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008):

sounds like my gf she blows hot and cold all the time and its become bad since our son was born last year she seems to enjoy talking to me and other like mud but she knows im a push over and very placid natured and wouldnt ever leave for our sons sake as i want to be a good father and because of that if i ever ask her to not keep acting so spitefull she just says if u dont like it u know where the door is or he would be better off with out me any way but on the next breath she is being nice to me but it just feels so fake as i know it wont be long untill the next insult. so you are not alone with this issue mate.

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A female reader, asian tealeaf Canada +, writes (20 February 2008):

asian tealeaf agony auntI might be a woman but no woman is entitled to be a bitch just because of hormones. Women use it as an excuse or copout. Sounds to me like you need to really take some more time on the sidelines and be the quiet observer. If she can't handle the tough times in life and it sounds like she becomes a bitch over simple issues then how the hell will she handle more stressful situations.. kids, work, being tired, bills, etc... you're supposed to be one unit, a team, partners. So where is she when ur needing her to be there for you? maybe sooner or later when ur married, and ur having a bad day and u need her to be understanding, she might be off on some tangent ranting and raving about her issues. marriage is a lifetime commitment dude. if in were you, I'd quit saying anything to her. You have reminded her more than enough so just sit back and roll with punches and be a quiet observer, gather your thoughts and observations, bring it forth to her after a while and she will say ok, she will behave better but by then uou will have enough solid proof to honorably back out and move on.

On a positive note, maybe she will quiet down - be tactful. shes not a child who needs constant babying and reminders from u. so why should u be picking up after her slack? u want a lady, not the devils hellhound at ur feet. u want a decent mother for ur kids. not a screamer or someone who cant handle simple things in a logical manner.. take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

The way you talk about her it doesn't sound like you really like her that much. To refer to strangers as "unfortunate" for having to deal with her issues. Although you say you love her, you don't really show much concern for her and her issues. Instead you talk about it with so much disdain. That doesn't sound too nice either. I don't know.

Nobody is perfect. I get sassy sometimes and it feels good to have a good boyfriend and good friends around who have never judged me for it and understand me and love me all the same and if anything have helped me get through my issues. But, I guess by the same token, in order to build good relationships you have to make those around you happy as well and understand their needs.

Maybe she does need to lighten up a bit. But when you love someone, even their temper and their quirks are charming.

Its possible that you need to learn to be a bit more tolerant and love people a little more unconditionally cause absolutely NOBODY is "perfect," (whatever that means). But its also possible that she's just got personality traits that are completely intolerable. I think it could be a combination of both. But just because her personality is intolerable to you does not mean that someone else wouldn't love her for it.

In any case, if her attitude is nothing but a utter turn off to you (which seems pretty clear it is), then you guys are probably just not meant for each other. So I guess you should cut your losses.

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A male reader, gabba's say United Kingdom +, writes (20 February 2008):

gabba's say agony auntI just ended a 8 year realationship with a similar sounding woman. At the end of the day you have to look past your emotionally clouded judjements to what YOU want, Say 10 years down the line. Are you happy?? If not, I would picture yourself 10 years down the line and ask yourself will I be happy?? Should I have done it different. I did not want to look back in 10 years at what would have been an unhappy life with a few good bits. So for the sake of my own head, As well as all the family who bore witness to these terrible arguments I found the strength to end it and 1 month later, I am still going strong and know I did the right thing for me. Nagging Bitches just are not worth your while. It paramounts to bullying. It brings out the worst in you as you inevitbly counter the crap they spout for no frigging reason. These women dont change. you either accept the shit or get out and let some other mug do it. I saw a positive future for myself during a moment of clarity and knew what had to be done.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (20 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntShe needs to de stress. There is too much stress inside of her. Get her to go to the gym or exercise and relax.

Be patient with her. It is only a temporary phase.If you understand her, then it should not be an issue.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

I doubt she she will change her ways. Unless she is shocked into changing. What I mean by ths is if she losing something that she trully cares about and trully understands that it was her actions that caused it then she may change otherwise she will just continue to blame another for her mistakes. She acknowledges that she has a problem and says she will change but a week later carries on as before. This shows that she is trully not listenning.

She sounds like the kind of character who is very angry and unfullfilled deep down, she may have had different expectations out of life and may be upset that things have not turned out as planned. However, she needs to stop thinking she is right and change because SHE wants to. You will have a hard journey with her and ultimatley she may end up damaging what you both have.

It sounds like a character trait but Im not to person to help you solve this. You either stay a little longer and see if she changes but all I can suggest is for you to not commit to her just yet with marriage or children unless her bitcheness really does calm down. Because by thenit may just be too late.

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