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My girlfriend broke up with me and didn't tell me!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Long distance, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 May 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, *urtbutstronger writes:

hey everyone , i really need some advice on a very heart breaking situation right now. my gf ended it two weeks ago without telling me what so ever, and changing my status to single with out telling me. i had quit my job to go and see her, and booked tickets . it was long distance by the way. so i went anyway to my destination, which was nyc. i wanted to travel see.

anyway she suddenly regretted what she did and messaged me a bit telling me how sorry she was. she completely crushed me when she ended it so i of course tried to cut contact but i found it impossible. we talked for a couple of days and in the end she said she would leave me alone as she didnt wanna ruin my trip more then she already had. she just sent me this message:

@i know you said that you dont always get these messages and you have to be near wifi or whatever but i want to say this to you. im hurting because of what i did not anything else and it doesnt hurt me to talk to you it hurts me to talk to you and know that you arent interested in the same thing i am. i know i was wrong and i shouldnt have done what i did and now im paying for it. for me its gonna be hard for me to let go of this completely but hopefully i will be able to. and if i never talk to you again im sorry for that too. i love you more than words can say and i am deeply sorry for how things turned out. i hope you have fun on the rest of your trip and are safe. i hope that my trip will help me clear my head and that i dont get too sick. do you want me to be completely honest about part of the reason that i broke up with you? it was because i suggested that you go to school in the states and you blew me off about it. you werent interested in coming to the states for that just for a bit of summer fun. and i can understand that but how did you think that we were going to make it while you were in college? you would have only so much time to travel anywhere and i do have a job and a house here. i have deeply planted roots if you will. i mean it kinda let me know that when it comes to the big things youre kinda a flake. you want what you want but not really what i want. thats how i see it anyway. anyone else would have jumped on a chance like that you know. to be with the girl that they say they love so much and to go to school here. you said but my family and friends are here my whole life is here. but that wasnt true then i was part of your life a big part i thought but by you saying that i realized that i wasnt. you werent willing to sacrifice anything that you had planned for me EVER. and i hate to keep going over the past but its true. my birthday and new years you just left me hanging like i didnt really matter anyway. i hope you can understand where im coming from when i say this stuff"

i live in england and she lives in america.

anyone who can respond, i want some advice on how to reply to that

View related questions: broke up, crush, I love you, long distance

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011):

I vaguely remember your original question, the one you posted before the trip.

My advice is not to respond to her in the future. Don't reply to this recent message nor any other.

She is trying to ease her guilty conscious by shifting some of the blame on to you. The reason she gave for breaking up with you, the bit about you blowing her off when she suggested you attend school in the States, was weak.

She had every right to break up with you if that was what she wanted, and I know you're not disputing that, but how she went about it was far below par.

Be glad she revealed this about herself now rather than later (though sooner would have been even better).

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael Sweden +, writes (17 May 2011):

Cerberus_Raphael agony auntBasically she knew that a long distance relationship wouldn't work indefinitely and she decided to end it before it went too far and that was actually a smart decision. Her point does fall when it comes to sacrifices and the fact that she didn't tell you that she was breaking up with you. Start there. Start by telling her that you did make sacrifices and maybe you weren't ready to make those other sacrifices yet. It is a long distance relationship after all.

In my opinion, it'd be best if you just left it as it is. By that I mean, don't try to get back together with her, if that was ever even your intention. There would just be too much doubt in everyone's mind. Tell her what your plans really were for this relationship, tell her if she ever did matter to you and if this relationship was ever really going anywhere.

I hope that helps.

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